My big ass in a twin bed

I had a show on Friday nite in Red Lion, PA, which is just the next town over from York. Don’t you just LOVE how all their street signs have a red lion on them? I do. ;) Turned out to be a really, really fun show. Small crowd due to the holiday weekend but they all came to laugh and we had a BALL! I hung out with the owner and his family, the other comics and some of the audience members for a couple hours after the show just drinking and chatting it up on the patio of the venue. Good times!

They put us up in a local bed and breakfast which is always fine with me. I like B&B’s and I’m not usually picky about lodging as long as it’s clean. But when I walked into the room I was to stay in it had two twin beds in it. GEEZ LOUISE!!! I haven’t slept in a twin bed since I was the age and size you are when you’re supposed to stop sleeping in twin beds. It was the worst nite of sleep I’ve had in years. I kept waking up just as I was about to roll off the bed. My back was in tears by the morning. And what made it even worse is that when I spoke with the other guests, I realized it was the only room that had twin beds and DIDN’T have a private half bathroom.

Why did I get shafted?

When they checked me in, they should have been able to take one look at me and tell that a twin bed probably wouldn’t suit me. I wasn’t the only single person staying there, and I checked in before the other single guest. But here’s the kicker…

If you look at the screenshot above, I was staying in the Spring Room. You can see a picture of the tiny ass bed I had to sleep in. BUT in the description it says that the room contains 2 twin beds OR 1 king size bed. I’m sayin’: What’s a girl gotta do to get the “or?” Exhale. I’m definitely not a diva; I just prefer the bed I’m sleeping in to be larger than I am. Now perhaps that’s more a statement about how large I am, than how large the bed wasn’t… But if you say that to me, we can’t be friends anymore. You get that, right?

Baseball and Bipolar Millionaires

On Thursday nite, I had a show in Williamsport, PA. The name of the town rung a bell but I couldn’t remember why until I called my dad to let him know where I was and he reminded me that Williamsport was the birthplace of Little League Baseball and the place where the Little League World Series is played each year. Oh yeah… Well, from the moment I got into town, it was ALL Little League. EVERYWHERE.

A quick Google search on Williamsport also led me to a Wikipedia page where I learned that Williamsport once had more millionaires per-capita than anywhere else in the world. The whole world. In fact, the mascot for the Williamsport Area High School is “The Millionaires.” This is their logo.

A top hat, gloves and a cane.

Once I found that photo I felt compelled to find out the mascots of the schools they compete against. The Dawgs, The Crusaders, The Mountaineers… And these poor kids have to shout “Go Millionaires!” at their games. In the words (and drawl) of the great philosopher Charles Barkey, “That is TUR-RI-BULL!”

The show went pretty well, and after I was done, I met one of the audience members — a guy named James Nutt — who has written a book called… wait for it… “Confessions of a Bipolar Firefighter.” No really. He’s bipolar and schizophrenic and his last name is ‘Nutt.’ I’m not making that up, folks. Check out his short (10 seconds) video here.

As advertised, right? ;) I told him he should subtitle the book “Let it Burn, No Put it Out!!!” He was a cool dude and he was there with his 3 sons and one of his son’s girlfriend. We chatted for quite a while Fun times.


Now as you know, I’m a sucker for a good museum. That’s why, despite the fact that I’m not a big baseball fan, I had to stop by the Little League Museum on my way out of Williamsport.

I threw out a pitch and took a few swings at the indoor diamond. How do I look?!?? Haha… don’t answer that. Then I went out back to check out the stadium where they hold the World Series each summer. Continue reading →

Pee-pee Toms

So I’m in Kansas City working at the Improv this weekend. And before my first show tonite I had to run to the little girls room. Well, when I went into the stall and shut the door, what do I see but my good buddy Vince Morris staring down at me!

I’ve known Vince since my first months in comedy. And he’s one of my very best friends…

Me and VinnyV

But that doesn’t mean I’m comfortable tinkling in front of him. I love that the club and adjoining restaurant do such a good job promoting the upcoming acts, but this one was a little much for me. I couldn’t concentrate. I had to change stalls. On the door of the next stall I entered was Tommy Davidson. Also a little weird — not because I know him so well, but more because of the way he was smiling…

Every stall = Different dude.

Let’s just say I will be using a different bathroom tomorrow.

Old friends, new friends and a very cool birthday

Try not to sweat my du-rag too hard…

Yesterday was my birthday! I turned 33. Which no matter how you look at it is better than the alternative. I’ve been on the road for about a week and half now so I spent the first part of my birthday in NYC and the second part in Hazelton, PA. I had a show in NYC on Wednesday nite and I was staying with my BFF Loren who lives in the city. It was sleeting and gross outside and I had to trek all the way across town and back in it. I hadn’t eaten anything all day so on the way back to her place after the show I stopped at the pizzeria on her corner to get a sandwich. The guy in line in front of me was buying desserts and I said I deserved a piece of chocolate cake too because it was my birthday. So the cashier gave it to me for free. SCORE! Who says New Yorkers aren’t nice?

I got back to Loren’s at about 11, jumped into my PJs and crashed on the couch. But at midnite she cued up Stevie Wonder’s “Happy Birthday” and we danced around the apartment til the song went off. Then she put a tealight on top of my cake and told me to make a wish! Pretty cool start to a birthday…

Yesterday afternoon I got up and drove to PA for a college show. After spending all afternoon on the road and then going straight to my show, I decided to find the nearest Applebees — there’s always an Applebee’s — and have a few birthday drinks. I ended up sitting at the bar where there was a great bartender named Nicole. We chatted for a bit and then a few minutes later this really nice guy named Brandon comes in and sits down next to me. The three of us ended up talking for hours about family, pets, our favorite books, and eventually our jobs…

Turns out Brandon is an amateur MMA cage fighter. Brandon “The Mixed Breed” Cruz. In the video below, he’s the one in the white shorts.

It was so cool talking to him about what it takes to make it in his industry. There were some similarities between his hustle to advance as a fighter and mine as a comic, but at least I don’t get pounded in the face on my bad days. For years I did (and often still do) comedy for no money. But I can’t imagine going thru something like this and there not being a check on the other end. Man that takes some serious dedication. And also some serious guts. If the test of how much we all wanted to achieve our goals was measured by our willingness to be pummeled inside a locked cage, I think we’d all — yes you too — look like quitters.

All in all I had a pretty good birthday.When I had a day job, I never worked on my birthday. In fact my co-workers used to laugh at me because I’d say it in the third person: “Erin doesn’t work on her birthday.” But now that I don’t get paid for my days off, working is the best kind of birthday gift I can give myself — the gift of mortgage. Hahaha.

Til next time…

Bob & Tom, Big 10 and Broken Feet

I’m back in Indianapolis this week at Crackers Comedy Club. And while I always have fun in Indy, some of you may remember that the last time I was here, it ended pretty badly. My foot has healed nicely so I’m planning to push my luck and go ice skating tomorrow — what could go wrong?

I got the opportunity to do The Bob & Tom Show again this morning.

It’s been over a year since I was last there and I’d been itching to get back. Bob and Tom is just one of the best nationwide promotional vehicles there is for comedians. And we had tons o’ fun this morning. Also in studio this morning were Dan Cummins, Nikki Glaser, Gabe Kea, Mark Viera, and the AWESOME Kevin Smith! I’ll try and post the audio if I can over the weekend.

I’m trying to see if I can magically score some tickets to one of the Big Ten tourney games. I keep asking from the stage, but I haven’t gotten a bite yet. I’ll keep working on it. Talk to y’all soon!

My neck, my knee… my neck and my knee

So I just got back from a week doing colleges in Michigan and Iowa. And I couldn’t stop praising the folks at Cedar Rapids Airport Security because instead of asking people to toss their brand new toiletries and unopened drinks in the garbage as they pass through security, they had a donation bin for a local homeless shelter there so that new, unused items didn’t go to waste. Great idea, right? I wasn’t even angry about having to get rid of my apple juice. It seems like a no-brainer now, but I travel a lot and I’ve never seen that before. I heart midwesterners. I even bought a super cute t-shirt that says “There’s more than corn in Iowa.”

Even though there isn’t.

I had fun at all the schools and though it snowed every day in whichever state I was in, it didn’t interrupt my driving or flying. By all accounts it was shaping up to be an incident-free trip. But on Monday morning when I was boarding my flight, I slipped on a patch of African-American ice on the Delta jetway and fell really hard. They radioed for help and didn’t wanna move me. I thought I had just scraped up my knees and elbows really badly but later that day I began to feel an awful pain in my neck. Had me lying on my bed screaming like Ezal from Friday.

By the next morning I was pretty much immobile and I filed a claim with Delta to pay for my medical expenses.

Long story short — my neck still really hurts, my knee’s still sore, and I now own Delta.

So where are we going, y’all? Flight’s on me.

Just kidding of course. Totally not suing Delta. Yet.

Panties on the Ground

I was in the dressing room at a Super Target in Illinois yesterday and saw this sign:

Now, I’ve seen this sign in dressing rooms before and I get why they put it there, but I’ve always wondered why they single out swimwear. How ’bout this: How ’bout we keep on our undergarments regardless of what we’re trying on. Because when you add the qualifier, it just invites misinterpretation.

“Oooh, yes! The jeans fit. Now let me put my panties back on so I can try the bikini…”

See what I mean?

They don’t make the sign generic because they assume keeping your underpants on while trying on regular clothing is understood. But I submit that the people who would try on a swimsuit without underwear would try on anything that way. It’s already gross to think that Lord-knows-how-many people may have tried on your clothes before you bought them. Factor in (or should I say out) the potential absence of underwear and folks with questionable hygiene practices and it becomes exponentially mas gross.

I think department stores across the country should get together and update their signs to eliminate all confusion. Maybe it could look something like this:

Yeah. I think that hits the right note. You’re welcome.

Steeler Fever

I cannot get this song out of my head! I spent the last few days doing shows in and around Pittsburgh, and as it’s Superbowl weekend, this song was on every radio station ALL the time. The student’s were playing it over the PA at my college shows… Maaaaan.


Even the construction/traffic signs on the Pennsylvania Turnpike were rooting for the Steelers. Pretty sure this sign could have been better used to advise me of the quick merge that was just beyond it. But who gives a hoot about traffic safety when the Steelers are playing for lucky No. 7?

Last nite I was performing at Seton Hill University, and they dressed up the statue of the saint their school is named for — Elizabeth Ann Seton — in Steeler swag. They even moved the time of mass to coincide with the game! These Steeler fans are no joke. And I really hope Pittsburgh wins. Mainly because I stood outside and froze my behind off while Green Bay ended our season and I hate them for that. And if they do win, I hope some of that championship mojo rubs off on the team on the other side of the state.

Exhale… Happy Superbowl Sunday everyone!