This past weekend, while on stage, the other comic I was working with got into it with an audience member and then asked her how old she was. She answered, and then his reply was, “I have underwear older than you.” Huh? I’ve had older folks say that very same thing to me and I’ve never understood how it demonstrates superiority. The fact that you wear 33 year-old drawls (yes, drawls) demonstrates nothing except for the fact that you’re nasty as all hell.
So… note to older folks everywhere: If you’re having a debate or an argument and the best comeback you can muster is the age of your underwear, you lose.
I was in the dressing room at a Super Target in Illinois yesterday and saw this sign:
Now, I’ve seen this sign in dressing rooms before and I get why they put it there, but I’ve always wondered why they single out swimwear. How ’bout this: How ’bout we keep on our undergarments regardless of what we’re trying on. Because when you add the qualifier, it just invites misinterpretation.
“Oooh, yes! The jeans fit. Now let me put my panties back on so I can try the bikini…”
See what I mean?
They don’t make the sign generic because they assume keeping your underpants on while trying on regular clothing is understood. But I submit that the people who would try on a swimsuit without underwear would try on anything that way. It’s already gross to think that Lord-knows-how-many people may have tried on your clothes before you bought them. Factor in (or should I say out) the potential absence of underwear and folks with questionable hygiene practices and it becomes exponentially mas gross.
I think department stores across the country should get together and update their signs to eliminate all confusion. Maybe it could look something like this:
Yeah. I think that hits the right note. You’re welcome.