EJ’s Pet Peeves: “Fill-in-the-blank-Gate”

This is the Watergate Building. Period.

This is the Watergate Building. Period.

I hate how whenever there is a scandal in this country we affix “GATE” to the end of it. I mean, clearly this stems from the Watergate scandal. But the Watergate is an actual building. It was the site of the criminal activities. ‘Gate’ itself is not a suffix that means scandal. [Scream] I can’t even pretend I haven’t been sucked in… Reading thru the post I wrote yesterday I used the term CRACK-gate to refer to Marion Barry’s arrest after that 1990 sting operation… So yes, I understand that this post is pretty damn hypocritical. But it still burns me whenever I hear it. It burns me more that I actually used it myself, but I’m not so hypocritical as to delete it from the other post. Doesn’t that count for sumthin’?

  • MONICA-gate (the blow job that ruined the economy)
  • TROOPER-gate (the Sarah Palin unwarranted firing controversy)
  • NIPPLE-gate (the Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake superbowl incident)
  • BLAGO-gate (the IL governor/senate seat scandal)

There’s an entire Wikipedia page dedicated to scandals ending in ‘gate’. Who started this? I bet it’s the same idiot who decided that we should just add “PALOOZA” at the end of anything we wanted to describe as ‘big’ or ‘fun’.

I hate “PALOOZA” too. Blog to come.

An understandable mistake – Pt. 3: Crack Edition


No one will blame you for confusing these two. It’s a completely understandable mistake.

This little number is to honor DC Mayor Emeritus Marion “Bitch set me up” Barry for the boldness he continuously displays in not paying taxes while he is on PAROLE for tax evasion. This is the second time he hasn’t filed since being convicted.

I wasn’t living in DC while he was mayor, but times sure musta been good. Because this man is a crack smokin’, no tax payin’, parole violatin’ felonious city official (re-elected mayor after CRACKgate and currently serving on the City Council) and people still think he can do no wrong. Talk about teflon. Dude must be a wizard.

I am soooo going to Heaven…

God's Pottery

God's Pottery

Well Hallelujah!

Good buds God’s Pottery (you may recognize them from the last season of LCS) were on guest blogging duty over at Rooftop this week. They mentioned me as one of their favorite comics, and my [admittedly vain] Google Alert let me know about it ;) Surely this means I’ve got an open ticket to the big comedy show in the sky. Reading this is super funny if you are familiar with ‘Gideon’ and ‘Jeremiah’. (Sorry about the single quotes, y’all if you’re reading ;) I sure miss those guys. I need to give them a holler.

The perfect Valentine’s Day gift

I’ve got the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for those of you in the DC/MD/VA area. And no, it’s not candy or flowers…

It’s ME!

I only cost (I mean my Valentine’s Day show at the DC Improv Lounge only costs) $17 and it’ll be super fun whether you bring your honey or come solo. My good buddy Rob Maher is on the show as well, and if you don’t have plans that nite, it’s a guaranteed winner. Good food. Good drinks. Good jokes… The WaPo Style section did a nice little write up on the show in yesterday’s paper. Cool, huh? ;)


Click here to purchase tickets.

Inauguration, Pt. 2: Video Diary

Since I had the pleasure of participating in Tuesday’s historic events, I decided to put together a little video of my day as a keepsake for me and my friends. And I figured I’d share it with y’all too. We went down to the parade route super early and got a great spot at the corner of 15th and Pennsylvania. We made some new friends, a couple enemies — and thanks to a beverage ban instituted by my friend Keisha, we (for the most part) avoided using the porto-potties. The video is no masterpiece, but I hope you enjoy!

Nooooo… not the babies!

Po babies.

Here we go… The people at Ty, Inc. that started the whole Beanie Baby craze have created two new dolls called “Sweet Sasha” and “Marvelous Malia.”

The dolls aren't even cute

The dolls aren't even cute...

According to a Ty, Inc. spokesperson, they chose the dolls’ names because “they are beautiful names,” not because of any resemblance to President Obama’s daughters.

Yeah right.
I’m pretty sure that people dumb enough to believe that aren’t legally allowed to own dolls. (I’m not sure what that means, but I’m not deleting it.) You just picked those names out of the sky, huh? Gimme a flipping break.
Plus, the dolls don’t look like them and they’re not even cute. Damn profiteers. Leave those beautiful little girls alone!
I hope they sue the crap out of them.

Flattered or Insulted? I’m going with ‘insulted’

There’s a young guy who I’m ‘friends’ with on MySpace who sent me this photo that he doctored up of me in Photoshop. He said it was “Me… as Beyonce.”  This was, how shall I say it… a non-commissioned work (or is it uncommissioned?) Either way, I didn’t ask for it, and I had no idea it was coming. So imagine my surprise when it arrived in my inbox…

Ummm... Thanks?

Ummm... Thanks?

What up with the ocean/sky backround? Am I on a cruise? … Also I’m not sure why my lips are so black in the corner, and why he added makeup, and whose necklace that is, and how by adding a brown wig to my headshot, he managed to make me look like a drag queen… To borrow from Robert Downey Jr.’s Oscar-nominated performance in Tropic Thunder: “I look like a dude playing a chick playing… a crackhead?

It’s hilarious to look at, but not for the reasons he intended I’m sure. Unless he hates me. But the worst part is that this is what he thinks Beyonce looks like. With that wig and that flower, I’m looking way more Neicy Nash ;)

never thought I'd have the need to use this photo ever again

never thought I'd have the need to use this photo ever again

I feel the need to include the original headshot in this post so you all can at least see what it really looks like. But what I need from y’all is for you to tell me (1) this photo looks nothing like the original — BECAUSE IT DOESN’TRight? (2) a little outrage would be nice, and (3) a few “Wow E, that’s a really cute photo”s would be a nice touch too.

Got it? OK then, here goes…