Bitchy resting face

I have this. And combined with the “big eyes…” Pretty sure it’s why I’m still single.

I’m a mostly nice person, and I’m funny. But if I’m not smiling, it’s all bad. I was telling a friend yesterday about how one time at a bar, a guy standing behind me tapped me on the shoulder to chat and I think to buy me a drink (which, like never ever happens anymore), and I turned around with my “I’m-interested-in-what-you-have-to-say-raised-eyebrow” look and his response was “Damn, bitch! Why you got a attitude?” It’s an attitude obviously, but it didn’t seem like the right time to correct his grammar.

Recording artists Jay Z and Beyonce watch from courtside during the first half of the NBA basketball game between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Dallas Mavericks in Dallas ejsideeye

See, the main problem is that I lack the ability to raise my eyebrows without widening my eyes. I was born without the very crucial eyebrow isolation tendon-ligament. So my “yes, how can I help you?” looks exactly like my “the eff you want?”  I could give Beyonce a run for her money in a side-eye contest — and y’all know that’s tough to do. Plus I’m puffy and people always assume puffy, brown girls are mad. I’m so aware/self-conscious about it that during a production meeting before we started shooting “Exhale” I explained to my co-hosts, director and producer that I have absolutely no control over my face and not to think I was “judge-y” or had a attitude.

The one cool thing about the “big eyes” is that they work great for stand-up. People come up to me all the time after shows to talk about my eyes. They use words like “expressive” and “communicative,” and compliment me on them. And it’s always strange to hear because before I started comedy, the closest thing I ever got to a compliment was, “You got some big ass eyes.” 

I’ve tried to go out to places and purposefully look happy and approachable but you can’t sit around cheesing all the time without looking simple. So please, help me spread the word:

Erin Jackson is not really a giant bitch. She just looks like one.

I’m Bonnie, he’s Clyde

All I need in this life of sin…

I feel Jay and Bey on this one. Cause all I need in this life of sin… is me and my Santa Boo. Here is the 2010 photo of me and the love of my life:

If you’re new to the blog feel free to check out some of the other photos of me and SB over the years… And remember, you’re never too old for Santa.

Shut up, no you’re not.

Flattered or Insulted? I’m going with ‘insulted’

There’s a young guy who I’m ‘friends’ with on MySpace who sent me this photo that he doctored up of me in Photoshop. He said it was “Me… as Beyonce.”  This was, how shall I say it… a non-commissioned work (or is it uncommissioned?) Either way, I didn’t ask for it, and I had no idea it was coming. So imagine my surprise when it arrived in my inbox…

Ummm... Thanks?

Ummm... Thanks?

What up with the ocean/sky backround? Am I on a cruise? … Also I’m not sure why my lips are so black in the corner, and why he added makeup, and whose necklace that is, and how by adding a brown wig to my headshot, he managed to make me look like a drag queen… To borrow from Robert Downey Jr.’s Oscar-nominated performance in Tropic Thunder: “I look like a dude playing a chick playing… a crackhead?

It’s hilarious to look at, but not for the reasons he intended I’m sure. Unless he hates me. But the worst part is that this is what he thinks Beyonce looks like. With that wig and that flower, I’m looking way more Neicy Nash ;)

never thought I'd have the need to use this photo ever again

never thought I'd have the need to use this photo ever again

I feel the need to include the original headshot in this post so you all can at least see what it really looks like. But what I need from y’all is for you to tell me (1) this photo looks nothing like the original — BECAUSE IT DOESN’TRight? (2) a little outrage would be nice, and (3) a few “Wow E, that’s a really cute photo”s would be a nice touch too.

Got it? OK then, here goes…