The BEST description of the WORST breath ever

So I’m listening to reruns of the Steve Harvey Morning Show’s Strawberry Letter 23 — which if you’re not familiar is their relationship/advice segment. Well, a guy wrote in and said that he just found out a girl he is falling for has extremely bad breath… He described it as:

a poo-poo, hot garbage, vinegar and chitterling cocktail.

That is the best thing I have ever heard. I’m still laughing so hard I can barely type. That sounds intestinal.

Poor thing. Either take her to the doctor, or get out of Dodge, but that cannot be allowed to continue.

I love you John McBride…

for sending me this… This is better than USA for Africa…

Things I want to make sure you saw:

  • Jerome Brown getting his official boogie on.
  • The ‘sound engineer’ with the Aaron Neville cut off shirt
  • Luis Zendejas’ rap at the 1:03 mark. It’s the best verse ever spit on wax — he is the undisputed G.O.A.T.
  • Randall Cunningham’s Flava-Flav “yeah boy-eee” at the 1:16 mark
  • The ‘cabbage patch’ dance break at the 1:25 mark during Reggie White’s verse:

Reggie White, Defensive End
Hit quarterbacks like they committed a sin
Like a good minister when I’m thru
I help them up and say God bless you

This is way too hilarious!

R.I.P. to Jerome Brown and Reggie White. Legends. Truly.

One Snuggie coming right up a.k.a. Jenny I guess you get to keep both of yours

So BFF DWJ took it upon herself to make me the best four-days-after-Christmas gift EVER! She’s recently taken up sewing and has created some awesome pieces. A really cool purse I wanna steal and a super duper cute skirt… but this is by far my fave. She read this post about stuff I almost bought off late night infomercials and decided to combine it with my one true love and create me a homemade Snuggie out of Philadelphia Eagles fleece.

Thank goodness she didn’t try and sew me an Eagles body shaper!

I may not be able to claim ownership of my Snuggie until tomorrow evening, but please believe it will be my new favorite thing. Please notice that the logos are upside down. I think this adds 100% more charm to it. I heart her and my new fave blanket. Here is her preview:

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Stay tuned for photos of me in the Snuggie… Right on time for Wild Card weekend!!!

HILARIOUS!

PHI 44, DAL 6

Woooooo to the you-know-what-ing-Hoooooooo!!!!

I can’t believe what happened today really happened. Did Oakland really beat Tampa Bay? And then Chicago lost? And then did we totally and completely obliterate the Cowboys? As I was watching I was literally thinking, “I must be dreaming.”

But it was almost a disaster.

I was working in VA Beach this weekend so I watched the Giants game at the comics condo. All throughout the game the announcers kept talking about the implications of Oakland/TB and Houston/CHI, and previewing the Eagles/Cowboys game… But come 4:15, for some reason they’re showing Redskins/San Francisco. As if:

  • the last NFC playoff spot isn’t being decided at that very moment
  • this game has any playoff implications
  • anyone interested in NFC football would rather watch this game than Philly/Dallas

Come on, FOX! Regional coverage? On a day like today? Get it together! My show began at 7 and when the second game started I was nowhere near ready to roll out for the evening. But when I saw Clinton Portis on my screen instead of Brian Westbrook, I hopped myself in the shower packed my stuff, took out the garbage and used my nifty new GPS to find the sports bar the club manager suggested. No way was I gonna miss this game. I rolled into the place and it was full of Eagles fans all decked out. It was heaven. At that point we were up 10-3 and it only got better ;)

What occurred next looked like what you might imagine would happen if an NFL team played a Pop Warner squad. At 44-3 I had to leave for my show. I felt pretty sure we wouldn’t blow that lead ;) But just in case anything crazy happened, there was a nice table of Philly fans who took my cell number and promised to text me if/when anything significant happened. Nothing did and they just texted me when the game was over.

Now we’ve got a clean slate. Playoffs here we come!!! Bring on those Vikings. I am so gassed!

Record: 9-6-1

Stuff I almost bought while I was buzzed

Snuggie

Blankets are such a pain in the arse! Why didn’t I think of this sooner?

But all jokes aside, I think I might actually want this. Maybe not because it’s functional. But because it’s hilarious. And kind of creepy at the same time. Snuggie, the blanket with sleeves, is quietly moving up on the EJ after-Christmas must-have list!

Kymaro Body Shaper

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OK, so I own several pair of Spanx. And they’re great. But then the other nite after one of my shows in Indy I saw this infomercial for the Kymaro Body Shaper and my good ole friends Jack and Ginger were talking to me like, “Go ahead, EJ! You should totally buy that. No need to do a sit up or go for a jog, This will solve all your problems…” I know myself well enough not to drunk dial infomercial hotlines but I did save the number in my phone. I didn’t see it or even remember doing this until this afternoon. Then I didn’t remember what it was so I Googled Kymaro. And I got a bunch of horrible reviews of this product. Some very kind woman actually did a play-by-play on how the infomercial is a piece of crap. I love it. So glad I didn’t buy this. And just in case there was anyone out there who’s considered buying it — check out the chart below AND the online reviews. Her comments on the chart are soooo funny.

You’re welcome.

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I did just buy the 30-Day Shred, so we’ll see how that works. Who knows, before long I may not have a need for Kymaro or Spanx… I won’t however be making any New Year’s weight loss resolutions.  I’m just gonna make sure all my tags are tucked in ;)

Tee hee ;) Come to a show for explanation on that last sentence :)