I’m almost off the market… Get it while you can!

OK! Now that I have your attention… DC peeps: I think there may still be a few tix left for my show tonite at the DC Improv. The Post Express did a plug today and I did a spot on Fox Morning News on Tuesday so we’ve been packed out so far. Would love for any/all of you local readers to come on down to the show so we can meet in the real world! Hope to see some of you guys this weekend!

Read My Lips: No New FUBU

This is the FUBU logo on my friend Carrie’s coat.

An updated version from the old FUBU logo I remember from the 90’s:

I didn’t even know FUBU was still in business.

Maybe they aren’t.
Because in researching for this post (yes, researching) I couldn’t find a live website for the company. Yet, she says she bought it pretty recently. Though not surprising, it would be sad that FUBU went out of business — seeing as how it was for ‘us’ and by ‘us’… But even sadder is the thought that the company has closed up shop and there is actually someone out there bootlegging FUBU gear. Yikes.

This is my friend Carrie: Continue reading →

Top Shelf All-Star

I am a huge Top Chef nerd.

So this past week while I was in Philadelphia working at Helium Comedy Club (which was super fun by the way. Thanks to all of you who came out the the shows), I made it my mission to dine at Philly’s 10 Arts Bistro & Lounge by Eric Ripert where the fabulous and feisty Jennifer Carroll is the chef de cusine! I mean, wow! How could you not heart Jen, especially after this meltdown a few weeks ago on Top Chef All-Stars:

The restaurant is in the lobby of the Ritz Carlton Philadelphia and it’s beautiful.

I went for lunch. Because I’m poor. And they had a more affordable (albeit small) lunch lounge menu. I ordered a mini striped bass burger with fennel, oven-dried tomato and saffron aioli, their hand-cut fries and one of their signature cocktails. Sidebar, why is everything miniature in fancy restaurants? For their prices, they should be twice as big… Or maybe that’s just the puffy girl in me talking.

I had the Blackberry Manhattan — muddled fresh blackberries with Jim Beam Red Stag and Grand Marnier. It. was. amazing! Yummy to the tenth power. But no exaggeration, I was wasted after two sips. I love Red Stag but I knew if I finished that drink I’d probably still be drunk by showtime 4 hours later.

I love you Blackberry Manhattan. I will come back for you someday…

I had to take a photo of the drink menu so I could attempt to make it at home when I had a lighter schedule. But the former proofreader in me couldn’t help but notice all the typos. They spelled ‘Jim Beam’ wrong. They spelled ‘Captain Morgan Spiced Rum’ wrong. They spelled ‘Woodford Reserve’ wrong. At first I thought it was some high end find-the-spelling-errors-in-the-liquor game (and it may very well be). But then I realized they spelled ‘Ciroc vodka’ correctly. My friend Damo said that it was racial because they misspelled all the dark liquors and spelled the white liquor correctly.

I marvel at his ability to manufacture racist motivations where there don’t appear to be any. It’s truly an amazing skill.

For dessert I had the pumpkin bread pudding with spiced coconut ice cream. Yum and yummer! I don’t get to treat myself like this often, but I’m sure glad I did. I consider it my Christmas gift to myself! The only thing that could have made lunch better would be meeting Jen Carroll in person… Although she kinda scares me. ;)

Happy Holidays everyone!!!

Sweating and Sweaters… oh and also I hate your flipping banjo

I did a holiday party last nite in southern Maryland and I was/am sick. **pouty lip** So I decided to have a drink of bourbon before I hit the stage. Haha, I say that as if I need to give you guys an excuse for why I was drinking bourbon. Bourbon is my friend… Well, after my drink I was still feeling yuck, so I asked for a cup of tea. But the bartender said what I needed was a hot toddy. I’d never had one before, but after she told me it was just hot tea, whiskey and honey I could not argue with her.

It sounded like exactly what I needed.

“You’ll break out into a sweat halfway thru,” she said. And man was she right. Plus I had on a turtleneck sweater. I felt like I was erupting, and imagined what I was experiencing was — in a Dickensian sorta way — the ‘ghost of hot flashes future.’ The show went really well although they didn’t have a microphone and I had a porcapine in my froat. But I was sweating so much I think my skin actually looks better today. Whiskey facials — try one.

Well after I was done the organizer asked me to hang around in order to judge their Ugliest Christmas Sweater contest. When they made the call for contestants, the woman in the photos below immediately came forward. And upon seeing her, everyone else promptly turned back around and headed for their seats…



The undisputed champ, right? Unification title and urrything

Well, some of the other women were kinda disappointed that there wasn’t even a vote. And I felt for them. I too was disappointed… that I didn’t get to make fun of people’s clothes to their face. And I mean, sure the champ worked super hard to make whatever garment is underneath all those baubles look that bad (she sewed synthetic hair and tinsel to the damn thing). But there were several women there wearing some genuinely atrocious sweaters. Without all the arts and crafts.

It was kinda like being in a comedy contest where all the comics onstage before me used props, or juggled, or played some dumb ass catchy song on their banjo to get cheap, easy laughs. And I just showed up with a bunch of clever, well-written jokes…

Or maybe it’s nothing like that. Maybe I just really hate all those things and I wanted to sh*t on people who do them because this is my blog and I can.

Either way… congrats to the winner.

We don’t want no Brown Santa

So I got an e-mail the other day from one of my ‘fans’ (I hate that word but I don’t know what to use in its place) who saw my Santa video and wanted to share with me an mp3 of a song she had recently written. She writes:

The song is based on a true story….

It’s about a Hispanic friend of ours (Joseph) who applied for a Santa job in a local department store in Oakland, CA. (back in 1990). He was hired on the spot by the Personnel department, but when the racist general manager walked in and saw him, he blurted out (in front of employees and customers), “We don’t want no Brown Santa!” Apparently Santa must be whiter than the Queen of England to qualify…

I listened to the song and thought it was hilarious! Also so well-produced, and it sounded so much like an old-school Christmas song… Since then she’s put some images with it and uploaded it to YouTube and she just sent it over to me. You gotta listen it’s super cute and she even included a photo of me and Chocolate Santa. Go ‘head and watch the video. I promise you’ll be humming it afterwards! ;)

Basketball, Burgers & Bammas

I went to a Wizards game a few weeks ago and saw one of the grossest things I’ve ever seen. Admittedly, I’m grossed out pretty easily, but I think some of y’all will agree with me. And if that glowing promo didn’t do it for you — watch for my involuntary use of the word ‘lunchin.’ In my 14 years living in DC I’ve managed to keep that word out of my vocabulary. Well, it seeped in somehow, and now I’m worried that it’s here to stay… Also the wild turkeys from a few blogs back make an appearance. And my friend Alicia — who is going to kill me for this video since the only two clips of her in it are of her screaming at the top of her lungs… I think maybe I’m just not gonna tell her about it.

Don’t you tell her either.