New Year, Same Old Love

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In case you were wondering, me and Santa Boo are still together. Solid as a rock. This year we decided to try something a little different for our photo. We’d never done a standing photo so we gave it a try. What do you think? I think we’re super cute! We took our pic in the same mall as 2013, Buckland Hills Mall in Manchester, CT. I had a show at the Funny Bone located in the mall and bae really wanted to come, but he wanted to change out of his work clothes first and there just wasn’t time. I told him to just come and not worry but he told me he didn’t want to steal my shine.

He so sweet. That’s why I love he.

Happy Holidays, yall!

We don’t want no Brown Santa

So I got an e-mail the other day from one of my ‘fans’ (I hate that word but I don’t know what to use in its place) who saw my Santa video and wanted to share with me an mp3 of a song she had recently written. She writes:

The song is based on a true story….

It’s about a Hispanic friend of ours (Joseph) who applied for a Santa job in a local department store in Oakland, CA. (back in 1990). He was hired on the spot by the Personnel department, but when the racist general manager walked in and saw him, he blurted out (in front of employees and customers), “We don’t want no Brown Santa!” Apparently Santa must be whiter than the Queen of England to qualify…

I listened to the song and thought it was hilarious! Also so well-produced, and it sounded so much like an old-school Christmas song… Since then she’s put some images with it and uploaded it to YouTube and she just sent it over to me. You gotta listen it’s super cute and she even included a photo of me and Chocolate Santa. Go ‘head and watch the video. I promise you’ll be humming it afterwards! ;)

I’m Bonnie, he’s Clyde

All I need in this life of sin…

I feel Jay and Bey on this one. Cause all I need in this life of sin… is me and my Santa Boo. Here is the 2010 photo of me and the love of my life:

If you’re new to the blog feel free to check out some of the other photos of me and SB over the years… And remember, you’re never too old for Santa.

Shut up, no you’re not.

Merry Christmas? a.k.a. My parents have no idea who I am

Really. It’s like they have no idea. Most of you guys have never met me but you know how I feel about El Snuggie. I mean I have a category on my blog entitled “Snuggies are awesome.” Well, this year for Christmas I asked for the Deluxe Snuggie (the one with the pockets), and my father bought me (wait for it…) a “Premium Softie” instead.

I’m so not lying.

I joked on Facebook that it was just a lined sleeping bag with arm holes:

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But I finally decided to open the box and I realized that there aren’t even any arm holes. It’s just a blanket — and not a very big one — with a couple snaps and a zipper.

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Nuff said. Continue reading →

EJ and Santa thru the years…

Don’t you dare judge me! I love taking Santa photos at Christmastime. They’re my absolute fav! Some folks think I’m too old for it, but we call those folks HATERS! So with the help of my mom I dug up a few of my faves thru the years. Enjoy! And FYI, I’m already braced for all the jokes about the glasses and the Jheri curl — so bring it!!!

This is me and my homie Brown Santa in ’09:

For real you guys, he said he’s gonna try and make one of my shows this week! If Brown Santa shows up at the Improv, I. Will. Pass. Out.

2008 Santa:



2007 Santa:

Santas of my youth — I’ve put these into what I believe to be chronological order:

I’m not even thinking about Santa… My daddy had just given me a cookie and I was looking at him. ;)

OK, why are we so cozy? We look kinda booed up here.

You think you know: The story behind this photo is that there was a giant hole in the knee of my tights! Santa wasn’t being fresh — he was just helping a young sista out. Hahaha ;)


Not sure why I’m so greasy in this one… Mom, please explain???

Is it Halloween or Christmas? Why do I look like Raggedy Ann?

A Jheri curl and coke bottles — AND WHAT?!?

Clearly getting too old for this, but whatevs Santa — gimme that Walkman!

See they got the Big Mac…

OK so I’m pretty sure the idea of this blog came about as a result of the t-shirt I was wearing during my bowling outing yesterday. Please see below:

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Yes, that is a Randy Watson 1988 World Tour t-shirt. And yes, it’s THAT Randy Watson:

OK, so now that you have an insight as to my state of mind on yesterday, here goes… I’ve been known on occasion to make jokes about Kwanzaa — about how it’s not real, how it’s just an excuse to re-gift crappy handmade Christmas presents (note how it begins the day after Christmas), etc. I think the seven principles of Kwanzaa — Umoja (unity), Kujichagulia (self-determination), Ujima (collective work and responsibility), Ujamaa (cooperative economics), Nia (purpose), Kuumba (creativity), and Imani (faith) — are important things for African peoples to focus on… but the rest of it. I don’t know. I mean, I hate to disrespect people who celebrate Kwanzaa, but in my opinion, it’s the McDowell’s of holidays.

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Not sure what I’m talking about?… Then think back to the scene in Coming to America where Cleo tells Akeem about the misunderstanding between the “McDonald’s people” and his establishment.

See, they’re McDonald’s… I’m McDowell’s. They got the Golden Arches, mine is the Golden Arcs. They got the Big Mac, I got the Big Mick. We both got two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions, but their buns have sesame seeds. My buns have no seeds. 

I feel like Kwanzaa is just a hodgepodge of symbols and traditions borrowed from other holidays. I imagine that if that scene were about Kwanzaa it would have gone something like this:

See, Jewish people have Hanukkah… We have Kwanzaa.

They got the menorah

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We got the kinara.

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Christmas is just 1 day and there are 8 days of Hanukkah. But Kwanzaa lasts for 7 days.

And then there are the symbols of Kwanzaa. Crops and corn… Really, Kwanzaa? It’s beginning to look at lot like… Thanksgiving. Plus one of the “supplemental” symbols is a poster of the seven principles. I don’t know if I can celebrate a holiday where a poster is an official symbol. Plus the man who created it is still alive and he issues an official founder’s message every year. I’m so serious. If you don’t believe me check it out for yourself.

I don’t know y’all. I don’t wanna crap all on someone’s cultural celebration. I’m just sick and tired of people wishing me a “Oh and Happy Kwanzaa too” as if all Black people are automatically on board. I mean, we have a National Anthem that only like 37 Black people know the words to. I am not one of those people. And yes, in case you were unaware there is a Black National Anthem. It’s a lovely song with powerful lyrics. And no one I know can get past the fourth line.

Lift ev’ry voice and sing til earth and heaven ring.
Ring with the harmonies of Liberty;
Let our rejoicing rise high as the list’ning skies,
Let it resound loud as the rolling sea.

Hmmm, hmmm, hmmmmmmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmm hmmm…..

In our defense, the lyrics are complicated and the melody is very tricky and spans several octaves. But in sharing that little tidbit about our anthem, I was trying to prove a point… I don’t quite remember what that point was… But I hope it made you chuckle. Have a great weekend,

E

Sarah Palin’s Christmas Recitation

I still remember the recitation I had to memorize for my church’s Christmas pageant when I was 7. Below is an excerpt:

Christmas must have brought
Great sorrow to our God
Because He gave His only son
This sinful earth to trod

God gave this gift to you and me
The gift of His dear son
That we might live forever
When life on Earth is done

Why do I remember it some 20+ years later? Because it was literally tattooed on my brain. I was a high achiever back in those days ;) and my folks definitely had a “you will not embarrass us” mentality. I spent countless evenings in the kitchen holding my wooden mixing spoon/makeshift microphone while I listened to my mom read the speech to me over and over until I knew it by heart. Haha… kinda like how I memorize my jokes now. ;)

I imagine that a similar scene is going on within the McCain-Palin camp as they prepare to send old girl out on the campaign trail solo. I totally have this mental image of her standing in my parents’ kitchen reciting her talking points until they’re perfect — complete with the same “you will not embarrass us” dictatorial overtones I was subjected to. Only my mom is replaced by Karl Rove and there’s a moose head hanging over the stovetop.

I’m looking forward to her “interview” with Charlie Gibson tonite. I can’t for the life of me figure out why so many people find her appealing — people who differ with her views in very substantive ways. It’s like a lifelong bigot who finds himself in an interracial relationship… “Yeah, well forget all that crap I’ve been spewing for decades. YOU’RE different.”

I don’t get it.

I cant wait to hear her new talking points — not because I’m interested in what she has to say — but because (and I hate to admit it) the evil spin genius of the Karl Rove Machine is kind of intriguing to me. I’ve been feeling kinda let down over the past week and half because she’s just been sampling from that convention speech — bitch is worse than Puff Daddy. They have her programmed so well — every time I see a clip of her on the stump I can’t help but be reminded of Vicki the robot-child from “Small Wonder.” 

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Switch it up a little… Damn. But I know they’re not gonna send her off solo without some new ish and I wanna be tuned in so I can see just how dumb these Repub strategists think the rest of us are.

Guess that’s enough partisanship for the morning. Back to the funny soon, I promise ;)

E