A mother’s threat

The other day my mom sent me one of those e-mail forwards that is supposed to warn women about some awful new threat to keep them safe. I’ve tried to discourage (that’s putting it lightly) everyone in my life from sending me forwards of any kind. But my mom thought that this one warranted reading — it was about a man who told a woman she dropped money so she’d open her car door late at night at a gas station. I’ve seen this e-mail numerous times over the past couple years. But she wanted me to confirm to her that I’d read it — just in case it wasn’t a hoax. Below is the thread of our e-mail convo:

—– Original Message —–

From: Linda Jackson
To: Me
Subject: Please Read This For Me…Your Mom
Sent: Jan 9, 2010 08:39:14 AM

Erin,
You travel so much, and often at night…I just wanted you to read this,because (even if it is one of those hokey…too much time on your hand…stop sending me emails) its possible..read it PLEASE…M.

Subject: A RAPIST’S NEW TRICK…

===================================

From: Erin Jackson
To: xxxxxxxx@verizon.net
Sent: Saturday, January 09, 2010 10:00 AM
Subject: Re: Please Read This For Me…Your Mom

just wanted to let you know i read this. 3 years ago ;) hahaha. But thanks, and rest assured, this would never happen to me b/c I haven’t carried cash since the nineties ;)

===================================

From: Linda Jackson
To: Me
Subject: Please Read This For Me…Your Mom
Sent: Jan 9, 2010 03:05:45 PM

OK Miss Smart —, don’t come up kidnapped or raped…or you’re gonna have HELL to pay!
love,
M

I think it’s important to point out that she censored the smart ‘ass’ not me.

Guess if I come up assaulted, she’s gonna kick my ass. That’s my mama! Too funny. ;)

I AM what I want to be when I grow up

I met a man today who asked me what I did for a living. I told him I was a comedian, and he asked, “Well, what do you want to do when you grow up?”

A bit insulted, I replied, “I’m doing it.”

“You can’t possibly be a comedian and consider yourself a grown up,” he said.

“Well, it’s how I pay my grown up mortgage…” I said. And I guess that’s all that really matters. There’s no need for me to defend what I do to this ass. There are millions of people who aren’t fortunate enough and/or legitimately can’t afford to do what they love for a living. But there are also people who just don’t have the balls to follow their dreams and instead choose to poo poo on everyone else’s.

I know lots of comedians who say they’ve known what they wanted to be since they were kids. Not me. If you’d asked me what I wanted to do with my life when I was growing up — as recently as 8 or 9 years ago even — I may have said a writer, a nurse, a teacher, a TV producer… Never in a million years could I have imagined I’d be doing this, but now that I am, I can’t imagine doing anything else. I love my job, and even during the rough periods, I feel like I made the right decision.

So BooHissHiss, Mister. You will not steal my joy.

The end.

PHI 27, WAS 17

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Thanks of course to BFF Angi who worked for the NFL until last winter, I was able to score great tickets to Monday’s game in DC.  I had seats on the 100-level. 4th row on the 30-yard line. FAN-tastic!!!

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Brought my sports and home repairs boyfriend Kenny with me. This is beginning to become a regular yearly date for us. I think this is year 3. The game started with another amazing TD off a return from #10 — that boy is going to be a BEAST. But Brian Westbrook also went down with a really serious concussion in the 1st quarter. It was so scary. He wasn’t moving. Players from both teams were on their knees praying… I was glad to see him be able to walk off the field. But I hope he doesn’t try and rush back before he’s healed. #29 can take up that slack. GET BETTER B-WEST!!! Continue reading →

5 reasons my trip to Shreveport was awesome — in no particular order (okay, I just realized there were 6… ;)

I just got home from a great weekend at the Funnybone Comedy Club in Shreveport, LA! I got to see my friend Courtney who I haven’t seen in years because she moved to Louisiana just last week! Plus Shreveport-Bossier City has so much nightlife. Who knew. It’s like a miniVegas over there. My only complaints — the weather. I dunno if my Northeast body just couldn’t take it or if it was just especially bad, but my allergies were on flare. I took an uncharacteristically small number of photos, but I did want to share some of the the things that made this trip so awesome!

  1. The lady who told me she and her husband had so much fun last night that he was gonna “get some” when they got home. Glad my act is helping someone get lucky.
  2. Me and my friend Courtney drinking Jack Daniel’s and doing the Cupid Shuffle in a cowboy bar called Rockin Rodeo complete with caballeros in 10 gallon hats and vests, and waitresses wearing bikinis and chaps. Yes, really.
  3. The female audience member who proposed to her boyfriend and gave him a ring during my Saturday early show. So glad he said yes. I wouldn’t have known how to follow a “no.”
  4. Learning that in Louisiana — or at least in the Shreveport area — laundromats are called “washaterias.” I know, right?…
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  5. The emcee’s joke about trying to potty train his one-year old granddaughter. “If I live ’til this December I will be 51 years old. And I have had shit underneath these fingernails for the last time… [When she poops her diaper she comes in the room sniffing to let them know she needs to be changed] I say, that’s right. Stinks, don’t it? In about an hour it’s gonna start to itch…” There’s more and I can assure you it was hilarious but I don’t want to do him a disservice by misquoting it.
  6. My $.02 (yes two cent) cash out coupon from El Dorado Casino that I will keep as a reminder that I suck at gambling. Bright side: Instead of losing $200, I only lost $199.98.

PHI 34, KC 14

Didn’t realize I didn’t post this last week…

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Should I eat Kevin Kolb Krow? Probably. So here goes: I was completely surprised by his play today. Great to see what getting the reps in practice can do for a guys game and confidence. He did great.

There, I said it.

As you know I have no NFL DirecTV package so I didn’t see the whole game because we were beating KC so badly, they stopped covering the game and moved over to Jets coverage somewhere near the beginning of the 3rd quarter. It was clear they weren’t gonna come back on us, so I was OK with that. Plus that Sanchez is exciting to watch. He’s gonna be a beast. I hope.

Next week – BYE. So get healthy fellas and let’s get busy.

Record: 2-1

Uncle

Apparently, Auntie’s baby is a bit concerned with my relationship status. His mom told me that last night when she was saying bedtime prayers with him they prayed for Auntie Rhonda and Uncle Charles, Auntie Peg and Uncle Nick, but when they got to Auntie Erin he said “And Uncle?…” And she had to say “No Uncle…”

No Uncle.

I hate that even the baby knows I suck at love. Of course he wasn’t trying to hurt my feelings but I feel like I need to defend myself. But how do you have that conversation with an 18-month old?

“Well Roman, Auntie Erin is isn’t married because she is very busy. I travel 4-5 days a week. And despite my outgoing on-stage persona, I’m a pretty shy when it comes to guys… I know, it surprises lots of people… Plus I have some trust issues. And very little game. What? No, gimme that. Do not put that in your mouth!…”

Exhale.

Kids sure do say the darndest (and realest) things.