Stood-up stand-up

I got stood up on a date last nite.

Like “sitcom” stood up. Like “waiting at an empty bar, ‘No, bartender I’ll wait until my date gets here,’ checking for texts and voicemails in between games of cell-phone Solitaire” stood up.

Yeah.

I was working out of town over the weekend, and I was exhausted, but I woke up early yesterday to drive home so I could wash my hair and take a nap before this date. I put on makeup for this date. And heels. I missed Letterman on “Oprah’s Next Chapter” for this date. If not for wasting my time and messing with my sleep schedule, I’m at least owed an apology for that, right?

I met the stander-upper after one of my shows. He referenced my bit (below) about the guy who peed in front of me on a first date and then asked me out.

“I can’t do any worse than that, right?” he said.

Wrong.

They give out medals for that?

So I’m watching the Olympics and I see that the American shooter, Kim Rhode has just won the gold medal in the skeet competition. She’s won medals in five consecutive Olympic games, which is awesome. U-S-A!!! U-S-A!!! I don’t know much anything about the shooting events, and I certainly didn’t know you could earn a medal for shooting skeet, but from what little I know about skeeting (I’m a good Christian girl) I’d have assumed it was a strictly male sport.

I could barely type this with a straight face.

Awww skeet, skeet.

No money, No money, No money…

OK, so let me get this straight… A company called Mo Money Taxes with this logo is writing bad refund checks and defrauding its customers?

I’m shocked!

I’m even more shocked by the number of people in the Hampton Roads area who were willing to go on camera and admit they were un-smart enough to get their taxes done at Mo Money Taxes. I’d probably have broken a window, but… un uh.

Mo Money customers have more problems: wavy.com

Part 2:

Mo Money customers have more problems: wavy.com

My friend Damon said getting your taxes done by these folks is “Darwinism at work,” and although that may be a bit harsh, I’m inclined to agree with his sentiment. I mean there’s “keeping it real/in the community” and then there’s just “dumb sh!t.” I do hope these people get their money, though. Especially the guy in the video with the skully on. He looks really mad.

Land of Love

So I did a show in the Poconos two weekends back and when I drove on to the resort grounds I saw the sign above. I took a photo of it then because I thought it was cute. “Awww…” I thought. “The Land of Love.”

I had no idea what I was in for. I don’t always research the venues in which I’m going to perform. Sometimes I just find out what it pays, and plug the address into my GPS. This was one of those times. When I finally got up the drive, I parked my car and went into the main building to check in. I was caught off guard by this sign hanging above the front desk:

Wait… What the hell kind of place is this? Finally got to my room, and well… this was my room:

 

Round bed. Heart shaped jacuzzi. Mirrors EVERYWHERE… I’ve stayed in hundreds of hotel rooms in my life, but thinking about the stuff that’s gone on in this one made me not want to bathe, sleep, or sit on anything. But I needed to shower before the show. When I looked thru my toiletry bag I realized I didn’t bring soap. So I headed down to the gift shop to grab some.

It was a hotel gift shop unlike anything I’d ever seen:

Yeah… Look I’m no prude. Not by anyone’s standards but this caught me so off guard I was seriously ready to self-deport myself from The Land of Love. The show ended up being great. I was there with the super funny and handsome and fellow Jersey native, Rodney Laney and except for all the love in the air, the happy couples staring up at me, and the slow dancing that happened on the dance floor before the first act went on (slow dancing at a comedy show?), it was a really great show.

When I got back home I was telling a friend about my trip and she said that she’d actually been there with one of her exes… “It’s kinda cute in a cheesy 80’s way though, right?,” she asked. “Right?…”

#BlankStare
#Boooo
#GratefulForTheWorkThough

My very first BFF



I know I declared Rebecca Lobo my new BFF a few days ago, but I’m gonna need to retract that…

My mom and I took this pic in a photo sticker booth in a Caldor (remember those?) in Jersey when I was in high school. I barely remember it, but she sent me the remaining stickers in a card the other day and asked if we were still best friends. Heck yeah we are! I heart this lady. She’s the greatest.