A mother’s threat

The other day my mom sent me one of those e-mail forwards that is supposed to warn women about some awful new threat to keep them safe. I’ve tried to discourage (that’s putting it lightly) everyone in my life from sending me forwards of any kind. But my mom thought that this one warranted reading — it was about a man who told a woman she dropped money so she’d open her car door late at night at a gas station. I’ve seen this e-mail numerous times over the past couple years. But she wanted me to confirm to her that I’d read it — just in case it wasn’t a hoax. Below is the thread of our e-mail convo:

—– Original Message —–

From: Linda Jackson
To: Me
Subject: Please Read This For Me…Your Mom
Sent: Jan 9, 2010 08:39:14 AM

You travel so much, and often at night…I just wanted you to read this,because (even if it is one of those hokey…too much time on your hand…stop sending me emails) its possible..read it PLEASE…M.



From: Erin Jackson
To: xxxxxxxx@verizon.net
Sent: Saturday, January 09, 2010 10:00 AM
Subject: Re: Please Read This For Me…Your Mom

just wanted to let you know i read this. 3 years ago ;) hahaha. But thanks, and rest assured, this would never happen to me b/c I haven’t carried cash since the nineties ;)


From: Linda Jackson
To: Me
Subject: Please Read This For Me…Your Mom
Sent: Jan 9, 2010 03:05:45 PM

OK Miss Smart —, don’t come up kidnapped or raped…or you’re gonna have HELL to pay!

I think it’s important to point out that she censored the smart ‘ass’ not me.

Guess if I come up assaulted, she’s gonna kick my ass. That’s my mama! Too funny. ;)

Your mom doesn’t want to hear jokes about your sex life, even if the joke is that you don’t have one…

It’s true.

I know cause I sent my mom the link to my Live at Gotham preview (http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=167549) the other day, and she never responded to the e-mail. Her only daughter on TV… almost… and she has no comment. Strange-o, huh?

I thought so, so I called her and was like, “Hey, Ma. Did you watch that video clip I sent you?” And she said, “Yes.” And I said, “Well what did you think?” And she says, “Who did your makeup? It looked good.”

Ummm… was that an answer to the question? Me thinks not.

So then I said, “They had professional makeup people there.  What did you think of the clip, though?” And then she said, “They liked it.” Of course since you were not privy to her tone, I feel the need to clarify that ‘they’ is a reference to the club full of heathens that laughed at a joke about me not having sex and the virgin birth.

Whatevs, Ma. You gotta loosen up.

Her selective prudishness cracks me up sometimes… That’s why I took complete pleasure in catching her off guard this afternoon. I got my tax stimulus check in the mail and called to tell her (I was under the assumption that I wasn’t gonna get one at all). Here’s how the conversation went:

Me: Guess what, Ma?

My Ma: What?

Me: I got stimulated

My Ma (almost inaudibly): Oh… OK. By what…?

Me: Haha… I mean I got my tax stimulus check from the IRS.

My Ma: Oh good, because I didn’t know how to respond to that.

I heart her. THE END