I Blame Hillary: An Exercise in Hate

I blame Hillary Clinton
Who ran the State Department
That issued a work visa to Steven Adams
Who was drafted by OKC, and subsequently (three years later) forced Draymond Green to kick him in the balls by calling him a “quick little monkey.”
Had he been denied that visa, the altercation would never have occurred, and Draymond would have had another flagrant in his back pocket for when he punched Lebron in his balls.
He wouldn’t have been suspended..
The Warriors would have closed out in Game 5.
And everyone would hate Lebron this morning as much as I do.

I’m still with her, but this is clearly her fault.


Why, Lordt? And other questions I have for this white woman…

So, this happened.

Last Saturday, on my way up to The Berkshires for a show, I made a pit stop at Philiipsburg Manor–an historic site located in Sleepy Hollow, NY. In the 1800’s, it was a complex operated by a family of Dutch merchants who owned 23 enslaved Africans. Similar to Colonial Williamsburg, they offer tours where you can learn the little-known story of enslavement in the colonial north. I visited on this particular day because it was Pinkster–(a Dutch-turned-African-American holiday celebrated mainly in the Hudson Valley), and having just heard about it for the first time that morning, I wanted to learn more.

Here are a few photos from my tour of the manor. Scroll thru them right quick, so we can get back to the lady in this video.

Y’all finished? Or are you done? Either way, let’s get back to the issue at hand: how did this white woman end up with this responsibility? Was Keisha on break and she thought, “I did take an African Dance class that one Saturday, and I saw the wedding scene in that Arsenio Hall movie about Africans like 2 times…I’ll fill in for you, Keisha!” I don’t have the words for what this is or how incongruous it felt or how the black woman dancer who was dancing before her was looking at her while she was dancing or for how the drummers were smirking at me while I was giving this white lady the big eyes… This is why the caged bird stopped singing; she had no more songs.

I love a good museum adventure, and learning about Pinkster was dope–especially because it was one of the very few times the enslaved were given time off. But this ish right here is why there should be a 15-20 minute limit for black people at historical sites having to do with slavery.

“But I didn’t even see the upstairs, yet. I’m gon’ get my full 14 dollars worth.”
“Ma’am, I think it’s best you head on out now, for your own peace of mind.”

Because at minute 21, some chit like this happens.

Laziness saturation point

Yes, my fellow Americans. Someone thinks we’re this lazy:

And you know what? They’re probably right.

Tired of all that pesky bending at the waist business when you’re in the shower? Of COURSE you are. Well, bend no more. Easy Feet is here to save the day! A built-in pumice stone, bristles and suction cups that stick to the shower floor?… And here I thought advertising college in your pajamas was bad. One of my Facebook friends posted this yesterday and I was so angry at him for making me aware that this existed. I am also angry at whomever invented this product, the focus group that told he/she it was a good and necessary idea, anyone who has purchased it, and the stores that carry it. CVS better not be in on this…

I think this contraption constitutes the laziness saturation point — unless someone creates a body-sized loofah that you can soap up and stick to a shower wall or roll around on in a jacuzzi. Don’t steal that. It’s mine you lazy bastards. If you’re not insulted that someone thinks you might be lazy enough to purchase this, something might be seriously wrong with you.

Gotta go now. Time for my midday nap.

He who cometh in first-eth…

I recently weighed in on the following Facebook post:

It was clear to me that the poster shared my opinion on this issue and I left a comment that sparked quite the discussion. Check out the clip below and I’ll see you on the other side:

Now, of course I took a bit of creative license there. But basically, this bit sums up my point of view on the subject. I don’t have any children yet. But I played sports all thru school and coached youth sports for several years and I believe that the current prevailing attitudes in many youth sports leagues (both teams get trophys/everyone’s a winner) do a disservice to young athletes. In my opinion, team sports should first and foremost be fun for kids. But beyond that, athletics should teach them how to function within the team dynamic, develop leadership skills, celebrate victories and learn to work through and rebound from defeat.

Well, several people on the thread cheered me on, while a couple really wanted to… ahem… let me know how they felt about how I felt. One said that the “winning is everything” attitude is what causes some people to shoot steroids and do unhealthy things to get ahead, and that anyone who subscribed to that belief shouldn’t work near organized youth sports… I agree of course that extreme pressure to win can be detrimental to athletes — especially young ones. But there’s a difference between “winning is everything” and “losing exists.” By no means do I believe that kids should be punished or made to feel badly for losing in athletic competition. But I also think we do them a disservice when we have competitions where scores aren’t kept and every team receives a trophy. Whatever… shoot me.

I think parents and coaches should be responsible for making sure that kids don’t equate their athletic performance with their self-worth. But I also think children need to be taught that in life, you’re not always rewarded for just showing up. One poster said that going home with a smaller trophy motivates kids to want the larger one next time. And maybe that’s true. But it used to be that going home with no trophy served the same purpose. Perhaps it’s a matter of at what age it’s appropriate to begin imparting this philosophy. I dunno. But it’s not something I’m likely to change my opinion on.

What do you guys think?

Erin and Kraz-E sittin’ in a tree…

I’d rather attach myself to one.

I got the following e-mail in my inbox last nite:


Oooooooh, KRAZ E — sounds appealing! And for free, no less? Glad I opened it because this is my last day…

Get out of my life eHarmony.

So yeah… I told you all about my ‘experiment’ with eHarmony a few weeks ago… If you haven’t read that entry I highly recommend you do so. It’s sort of a companion piece to this one. They keep sending me matches even tho my 3 month subscription has been over. I never open the e-mails — if I had I would have seen how easy it is to stop the e-mails — but this one I had to open. Here’s what was on the inside:



So this website believes that I am highly compatible with a person who uses “Kraz E” as a moniker on a matching site? WORD? At first I thought maybe it was accurate because anyone who would do such a thing must also be a comedian… But then I started to get a little pissed — do they just start sending effed up matches to people who quit them? Are these just sour grape hate darts — the Internet dating site equivalent of a schoolyard dozens battle (“Yeah, well that’s why yo’ mama…”)

Fa real, eHeezy, you’d like to intoduce me to Kraz E? Well, I have no desire to learn more about this person. And certainly not NOW with an exclamation point (!) Booooo Friggin Booooo!

Kick rocks eternally.

PHI 7, BAL 36

For this edition of the Happy Eagles/Sad Eagles Chronicles I thought I’d just post the text message convo I just had with my cousin Derrick. He’s a huge Redskins fan and so we talk — or should I say *text* — smack back and forth to each other on Sundays. He grew up and lives right outside of Philly in So. Jersey, which makes it doubly weird that he wasn’t drafted into Eagles Nation, but whatevs…

I’m sitting in Chicago O’Hare on a layover and was in transit for most of the PHI/BAL game but I got a text from D as I was sipping on my mocha frappuccino and as soon as I saw his name, I knew it was gonna be bad. Below is the correspondence… Continue reading →