Laziness saturation point

Yes, my fellow Americans. Someone thinks we’re this lazy:

And you know what? They’re probably right.

Tired of all that pesky bending at the waist business when you’re in the shower? Of COURSE you are. Well, bend no more. Easy Feet is here to save the day! A built-in pumice stone, bristles and suction cups that stick to the shower floor?… And here I thought advertising college in your pajamas was bad. One of my Facebook friends posted this yesterday and I was so angry at him for making me aware that this existed. I am also angry at whomever invented this product, the focus group that told he/she it was a good and necessary idea, anyone who has purchased it, and the stores that carry it. CVS better not be in on this…

I think this contraption constitutes the laziness saturation point — unless someone creates a body-sized loofah that you can soap up and stick to a shower wall or roll around on in a jacuzzi. Don’t steal that. It’s mine you lazy bastards. If you’re not insulted that someone thinks you might be lazy enough to purchase this, something might be seriously wrong with you.

Gotta go now. Time for my midday nap.

A nation of punks

OK, so a bad Eagles loss has the potential to put me in a sour mood for an entire week. Yesterday’s loss may have an even longer effect. So let the angry blogs commence:

I am a fan of public transportation. I ride DC Metrobuses and subways whenever I can. I love how you can actually relax and get things done while you’re riding. Sure there’s congestion in train stations around the escalators and on the platforms during certain parts of the day, but in general it’s a much less stressful way to travel.

But what I cannot stand are the people who stroll through subway stations during rush hour with those rolling bookbags dragging behind them. They cause other people to trip on them. They bang them up against your shins. And then they look at you like you’re crazy — AAAAGGGHHH!!!

How lazy are we? I mean collectively as a country — how much lazier can we get?

It’s a JANSPORT bookbag for goodness sake. I carried my own ON MY BACK when I was in like first grade. I don’t even think you can get enough stuff in a Jansport to make it too heavy to carry. Unless you are a bricklayer who brings his own materials to work in his bookbag, there really is no excuse for this lazy ass behavior. If you are bringing so much work home that you can’t bear to lift it, get a new job. Or at least drive yourself there.

And just when I thought we’d reached the saturation point of laziness, I was walking down the street the other day and I saw a guy rolling a gym bag into Bally’s. Let me type that again. I saw a guy rolling a gym bag into Bally’s. Hey dude, looking to get in shape? How bout you start by actually carrying your tennis shoes into the gym. Yeah, three sets of ten reps of carrying your own effing tennis shoes. Eff me. I mean clearly, I am not in good shape either, but my pride would not allow me to wheelbarrow my workout clothes into a gym. I’m just saying.


And don’t even get me started on the kids with the Dora the Explorer and Hello Kitty bags. I want to weep every time I see these poor kids rolling their Trapper Keepers to school (do they even make those anymore?). Their lazy ass parents should be arrested.

But heavy bookbags cause back problems for kids, Erin…

Give me a break. The ugly truth is we are a nation of punks and now we’re turning our kids into punks. I mean really, if they were bringing home that much homework our nation’s test scores would be higher. But again, I’m just saying.

I’m done now because I don’t want to lose you guys as readers. I really hope we beat San Fran next week or this blog could get ugly(er).

Pray for me,