The worst date I never went on

Ok, so I know you regular readers are way familiar with my blogs about my Worst Date Ever. Ever (read pts. I and II). Well today, I come to tell you about the worst date I never went on. I’ve never written about something like this so soon after it happened — I usually wait for the heat to die down ;) But I couldn’t hold this one in… My hope is that if the other party in this situation comes across this, he’ll be too embarrassed to make a big deal about it…

Exhale.

Here’s the basic back story: About 2 months ago I was encouraged by a close friend to join an internet dating site. Admittedly disillusioned with dating in general and extremely wary of online dating specifically, I had some reservations. But in the end, I figured what could it hurt? I have a closet full of dresses and nowhere to wear them. Maybe it was time to meet some new folks… I was pretty passive about it — instead of checking out the matches I was sent, I just waited to see if anyone would contact me…

A few weeks ago, got a communication from a perfectly decent-seeming person. We exchanged e-mails thru the site for a while and then eventually thru Facebook. Seemed to be an intelligent guy with a good job, he was very handsome… Yesterday he sent me a message on Facebook asking if I’d like to meet. So I suggested that we meet for coffee or drinks somewhere… and here is the response I got:

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You don’t have that kinda time? WTF? Are you dying? Continue reading →

PHI 27, WAS 17

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Thanks of course to BFF Angi who worked for the NFL until last winter, I was able to score great tickets to Monday’s game in DC.  I had seats on the 100-level. 4th row on the 30-yard line. FAN-tastic!!!

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Brought my sports and home repairs boyfriend Kenny with me. This is beginning to become a regular yearly date for us. I think this is year 3. The game started with another amazing TD off a return from #10 — that boy is going to be a BEAST. But Brian Westbrook also went down with a really serious concussion in the 1st quarter. It was so scary. He wasn’t moving. Players from both teams were on their knees praying… I was glad to see him be able to walk off the field. But I hope he doesn’t try and rush back before he’s healed. #29 can take up that slack. GET BETTER B-WEST!!! Continue reading →

PHI 9, OAK 13

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OK so a couple folks have pointed out that I didn’t post on last week’s loss… So here goes:

I’m not sure if ‘loss’ is even the right word for what happened… We weren’t blown out or anything but we were still manhandled by one of the worst teams in the league… I spent pretty much that whole afternoon at Rhino Bar in Georgetown. It’s an Eagles bar, where everybody knows your name AND the words to FLY EAGLES FLY. I went around noon to watch the early games and to make sure I had a seat for Eagles/Raiders. I watched the Giants lose. And the Redskins too. I joked that the Cowboys would have lost too if they hadn’t had a bye… And then I settled in for the 4 o’clock game. There’s no explanation for what happened next. And honestly I’ve done my best to block it out.

I mean c’mon son… Oakland, son?

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I’m going to the Eagles/Skins game tonite and I KNOW we’re gonna bounce back nicely and stomp these sorry Skins.

Don’t make a liar out of me fellas…

Record: 3-2 (for now)

Airplane Venom, Pt. IV

This edition of Airplane Venom goes out to the loud-ass women seated in seats 9A-D, 10 A-D, & 11 B on American Airlines Flt. #2746 from Little Rock, AR to Dallas Fort Worth:

Why were you so loud? It was 5:40 in the morning when the flight took off, but y’all were already on “10” by the time you got to the waiting area. How?… Why?

I know way more about you women than I want to. I felt like I was Bill Cosby and y’all were Jeffrey:

Things I know about you but wish I didn’t: I know you “hadn’t never flew on no plane this tiny.” I know all of your astrological signs and your horoscopes for today. I know one of you was frightened to death of flying and “forgot those damn ‘Xanax-es’ on the counter.” I know you were headed to Vegas…

But what I want to know is: Which of my sins you were punishment for? So I never, ever do it again. Were you ignoring — or just oblivious to the barrage of STFU stares and huffing coming at you from every direction?… And how it’s possible that every single one of you sounded like Boomhauer from King of the Hill…

Exhale.

Have you ever seen those news stories where people do unthinkable things and their only excuse is “I don’t know what came over me?” Well, this morning, “I don’t know what” almost came over me. And I honestly don’t know how I stopped him. Those ladies have no idea how lucky they were.

THE END.

Old Skool

I am going with my friend Jo-Ann to an old skool party tonite — which I’m pretty sure means the DJ will be spinning 80’s & 90’s classic hip hop and R&B joints and people will be wearing horrible outfits they should have thrown away years ago… Sounds like big fun, but I’d settle for a guy offering to buy me a drink…

That would be really old skool.

Oh, the single life…

I am broke… but I will NEVER be this broke

Just a little update since the last time we chatted…

As you know, my car was stolen about 3 weeks ago. It was actually recovered, but it was beaten up so badly the insurance company totaled it. Boooooo, right? Well hang on… That’s not the best part. Last weekend I was headed up to Philly for Eagles Flight Night (an event I was SUUUUPER excited about) and I got into a 4-car pile up on the B/W Parkway. Airbag deployed… I was a bit banged up… Triple A had to come get the rental. So now I have a claim into the insurance company for my stolen car AND the rental that I wrecked. Plus I still have to buy a car.

Basically I’m broke. Very damned, in fact.

Which brings me to my point: I may not know yet how I’m going to get a car in the next week or so. I may be a little late paying all of my a couple bills this month… But I will NEVER, EVER be so broke that I mop up a coke off my kitchen floor and then squeeze it back into a glass and drink it. Because that people, is a choice.

“In these tough times?…” Dude, that’s crackhead sh!t. I tune out of this infomercial at that point EVERY time it comes on. Whose idea was that?

No matter what, I vow to myself here and now that I will never let it get that bad.

The end.

The breakup diet — cheat on me again… Please?

Hey so if you’re not familiar, Rooftop Comedy is a website that has stationary cameras in like 20-30 clubs across the nation. Each weekend the shows at each of their clubs are uploaded to their server and they pick clips and post them on their site. Comics can also submit and upload their own clips… It’s kinda like YouTube but just for comedy. If you have some free time and have never checked it out, browse thru. The content is always fresh. Good for chuckles while you’re at work ;) They posted a few clips from my shows this weekend in Wisconsin. This one is short and sweet so I thought I’d share it.

Haha… this is how GF’09 started. And now 26 pounds later I’m… grateful? OK, maybe that’s the wrong word. But I recognize I needed the kick in the ass. Enjoy!