Pillow Fight


Yesterday, on my flight from Seattle to Dallas, I had the most passive-aggressive pillow fight ever with the woman seated in front of me. She wasn’t using her neck pillow and she kept pushing it into my lap. Grrrrr!!! A big believer in living within the space designated for you while flying, and admittedly a little cranky from being on the road for 3 weeks, I kept pushing it back onto her side. She could have easily just put it away, but she didn’t. She kept stuffing it back in the window and nudging it back with her elbow. So it was “on.” No words were ever spoken, but it went on for nearly 10 minutes. I was flying US Airways, so there was no video screen in her headrest; I had to amuse myself somehow. Every time I pushed it back in her window, I would see her huff and puff and almost turn around, but she never did. I guess we were both being petty, but stop encroaching on my personal space, lady! I wish I’d videotaped it. It was hilarious.

Oh and in case you’re wondering, I won.

Maybe this makes me a bad person. But I needed it.

The end.

Airplane Venom, Pt. IV

This edition of Airplane Venom goes out to the loud-ass women seated in seats 9A-D, 10 A-D, & 11 B on American Airlines Flt. #2746 from Little Rock, AR to Dallas Fort Worth:

Why were you so loud? It was 5:40 in the morning when the flight took off, but y’all were already on “10” by the time you got to the waiting area. How?… Why?

I know way more about you women than I want to. I felt like I was Bill Cosby and y’all were Jeffrey:

Things I know about you but wish I didn’t: I know you “hadn’t never flew on no plane this tiny.” I know all of your astrological signs and your horoscopes for today. I know one of you was frightened to death of flying and “forgot those damn ‘Xanax-es’ on the counter.” I know you were headed to Vegas…

But what I want to know is: Which of my sins you were punishment for? So I never, ever do it again. Were you ignoring — or just oblivious to the barrage of STFU stares and huffing coming at you from every direction?… And how it’s possible that every single one of you sounded like Boomhauer from King of the Hill…


Have you ever seen those news stories where people do unthinkable things and their only excuse is “I don’t know what came over me?” Well, this morning, “I don’t know what” almost came over me. And I honestly don’t know how I stopped him. Those ladies have no idea how lucky they were.