Thank God people are hilarious.! Or else my job would be way harder… I posted this status update on Facebook yesterday after a visit to my local grocery store:
FYI, there was plenty o’ skim in the dairy aisle. Please check out Exhibit A:
I had a show last nite in Baltimore and I pretty much told the story as-is, and the folks there laughed… I came up with a few more punches/tags on the way home. And I’m thinking that with a little tweaking, this story could be a good candidate for the “I hope you don’t make it to the future” section of my act.
Before comedy, I had zero robes. Now look at my growing collection!
This beauty came to me in the mail today from the HBO folks — my swag for being a part of the Bill Maher tapings. How neat! It’s always exciting to get a package from FedEx when you’re not expecting anything!
Sorry but I’m not putting on makeup for you people. I’m working. And there’s no make-up in baseball!… Wait, huh? ;)
And this is the robe I got when I did The Ellen Show. So pretty and comfy. I heart it. :) I’m learning that robes are the currency of big-time comedy shows. I can’t wait to make it to the point where I can give away gifts like these after my big performances. The only difference is my souvies will be embroidered Snuggies.
So I just got home from a road trip which covered several events and cities, not the least of which was my visit to Raleigh, NC to open for Bill Maher at the tapings for his latest HBO special. The photo above is me in Raleigh on my way from the hotel to the Progress Energy Center — the venue for the shows. Yaaaaay!
The venue was gorgeous and seated about 2,300.
By far the largest venue I’ve ever performed in, it was imposing while it was empty. You can’t even see the wings to the left and right. When it was full it was one of the best feelings in the world. When I walked out on stage I actually closed my eyes for a few seconds and imagined all the people were there to see me… Some day I hope. The HBO folks were nice enough to make me a recording of one of the shows. They edited it multi-camera as if it were my special too. It looks awesome. Clips to come for sure.
These ladies were the models underneath the burkas in the fashion show at the end of the special.
And this is me with the man.
We chatted maybe once or twice but being the huge fan that I am, it was certainly enough. I know how I can be before just before I get up at a regular show. I can only imagine the adrenaline, excitement, and even nerves that must be stirring when you’re taping a live HBO special. He was very nice. I’ve been going through a really tough time these past few months. And when I got home last nite I rushed to download these photos because I needed to remind myself why I sacrifice to do what I do. It’s almost like each of them is saying, “Hey, EJ don’t be discouraged. Look at all the wonderful opportunities you’ve been blessed with. And look what’s possible if you continue to work hard.”
I know I’ve been a lazy blogger but the last two weeks have literally been a blur. After digging my car out of the remnants of Snowpocalypse 2010, I drove down a day early to Raleigh to make sure I didn’t miss my Bill Maher shows. On the Sunday morning after the special aired I drove from Raleigh to Altoona, PA for a Valentine’s Day show. Then on the 15th I woke up at the buttcrack of dawn and drove from Altoona to Baltimore so I could catch a flight to San Antonio. I was there for one night and the next morning had to fly to Atlanta.
Which brings me to the reason for this post. I overslept and missed my first flight into ATL and had to take a later flight. Then when I finally got into the ATL airport, the airtrain that takes you to the rental car facility was broken and I and about a hundred plus other people had to wait nearly 50 minutes to get to the facility.
All I wanted to do was get to a bed and I didn’t know if I was gonna even be able to stand on my feet any longer. But then I saw this:
The most awesome pair of Maurice Malone overalls ever stitched.
And my day was immediately brightened. These jeans gave me energy. Where did he find them? Or better yet, what made him keep them so long? And how does he access the goodies he puts in the pouch? Getting undressed to get to your cell phone seems a little inconvenient… I wondered (almost aloud — I was kinda delirious ;) whether the pouch on the back was considered an additional carry-on. ‘Cause somehow it doesn’t seem fair that he should be allowed that AND a laptop bag. I thought I would share so these jeans could brighten your day too.
This week I’m at the APCA National Programming Conference in ATL where college and university student planning boards and student activities directors come to watch comedians, musicians, magicians, speakers, and (for lack of a better word) novelty acts showcase and then (hopefully) book them to appear at their schools throughout the year.
Well, there was this one booth near my agency’s booth that had all these exotic animals, an armadillo, a little monkey, a really cool bird, and Jake — just to name a few. I’ve always been frightened to death of anything slithery or creepy crawly, but some of the students from one of the schools were playing with it and taking photos and I let them gas me into putting it around my neck. I didn’t want to hold his head but the handler said that if I didn’t hold his head he’d bite me. I knew he was just rying to scare me, but why chance that, right? So I grabbed his neck.
Do snakes even have necks?
My friend Odyssey said right off the bat that I looked uncomfortable like “GET THIS THING THE HELL OFF OF ME” and he’s not wrong. ;) I tried to smile… I sent this to my mom’s cell phone and she actually got angry with me. “Why would you do this? Why would you send it to me? I’m deleting this. You better not send this to your father.
Sheesh, Ma… Chill. Well, my something new for this week has certainly been taken care of.
Stevie Wonder singing Bob Marley’s ‘Redemption Song.’ I figured that having my favorite artist salute my other favorite artist (they’re tied for my affections) by covering one of his most important songs was a fitting way to honor his memory. Had he lived to see today, Bob Marley would have been 65 years old.
I remember how excited I was when I first bought this CD: Song Review: Greatest Hits and heard this remake. It’s at the very end of the second CD and it’s just perfect — the perfect way to do a remake. Because I believe that if you’re going to bother, you should take the song and make it your own somehow. What’s the point in singing someone’s song exactly how they did it? This is so rich and one of best remakes of a classic of ALL TIME — though I’m admittedly biased. :)