I had an ex boyfriend who was a terrible complainer when he was sick. I remember having this conversation with him once:
ME: Would it make you feel better if I rubbed some Vicks on your chest? HIM: No. But I think I’d feel better if you let me rub some on yours. ME: But I’m not… Oh, wait… Freak.
Moving on… I have bad allergies. And I’m not great about taking my Flonase every day, so I often find myself really congested at nite. Thank goodness for my trusty jar of Vicks VapoRub. A little dab right under the nostrils and I’m breathing easy and drifting off to sleep in no time. I realized last nite though, that I can’t remember ever buying a jar of Vicks. Ever. In my whole life. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure (no BS) that the jar I’m currently using is the same jar my mom sent me off to college with. I posted about it on Twitter just as I was laying down last nite:
Turns out I’m not the only one. One Twitter friend sent me this photo of a Vicks jar that expired in August 2006 that he’s still using:
Here’s another response I got:
I have no idea what the expiration date was on my jar — it’s long since been vapo-rubbed off. But I’m willing to bet cash money that it was in the 20th century… Here’s the thing the folks at Vicks don’t understand: Putting an expiration date on something you don’t have to ingest that still works as advertised is not going to deter people from using it past that date. To paraphrase BFF Jenny, Vicks is like menthol Twinkies. And the jars are so large — who’s ever gotten to the bottom of a jar of Vicks? It’s a product I love and use often and I’ve only needed one of it my entire adult life. Booker T. Washington, I’m nowhere close to the bottom of my jar. I’m not sure how this is a lucrative business model for them. Maybe if they made it the size of ChapStick, or it started smelling like ass after the expiration date… but as it stands now, I don’t understand how they are getting any repeat business. ‘Cause anyone who’s getting to the bottom of a jar of Vicks on a regular basis is clearly on the verge of death and won’t be a customer for very long. I have no problem pointing this out to them because I clearly have enough Vicks on hand right now to will to my non-existent, future grandchildren. So if you work for the Vicks corporation or you know someone who does, feel free to pass this along to them. No charge. That’s what I’m here for.
I had the pleasure of performing at the kickoff of an awesome new comedy concert series called Pumps & Punchlines in Schenectady, NY last Friday! As you may have guessed from the title, it’s an all female show. And it features some of the funniest ladies in the country!… Or does it sound too self-important when I say that? I was talking about the other ladies (Erin Foley, Rachel Feinstein, and Renee Gauthier), not me… Not that I don’t think I’m funny, just…
The show was at the Mainstage at Proctors Theatre, which is just a gorgeous room.
Standing on the stage looking out, I’d swear it was the theatre where MJJ shot the video for “You Are Not Alone.”
In his statement last nite, Herman Cain said he’s running for the American people, and for our children and our grandchildren… I’mma e-mail him and tell him he ain’t got to do that for me. Also, can you say “ain’t gonna happen” on national television and continue to run for president?
…Because sometimes when you go to a beauty supply store for conditioner, what you really need is a necktie.
Double-U-Tee-Eff is up with all the extra stuff these beauty supply store proprietors are hocking? Belts, ballet flats… neckties? For real. It’s like anything they can get a good deal on they just stack up against the wall and slap a price tag on it. Pretty sure I saw a ThighMmaster in the corner by the wig caps. I’mma have to go back and make sure. SMH.
I try to run camera at all my shows. In case I come up with a new idea, to flesh out something I’ve been working on, or to capture any fun, random moments that may happen with the crowd. Last weekend in Virginia Beach there was a guy sitting up front who would smile after a joke he liked, but never laughed. So I decided to talk to him, and it led to me to a funny story I almost never tell. I hope you enjoy. And don’t feel guilty for laughing. Some stereotypes are really funny.
Went down to super-cute Asheville, NC a few weeks ago with my buddy Jason Weems. OMG, I. LOVE. ASHEVILLE!!! I was working at this great new theatre space down there called The Altamont Theatre, and had the opportunity to check out some of the sites. Didn’t get to see everything I wanted to see, but I’ve got a college show booked there for the spring, so I’m looking forward to more sightseeing then! Did a short Me In Your City video blog about. Wanna watch it? Here it go:
This is me dissing the first man in my life who’s ever given me a flower.
This was taken right after Tim, the organizer of the benefit I performed at, thanked me for participating and tried to hug me. He leaned in and I said, “Un uh. No hugs.” What??? Pretty pink rose or not — y’all know how I feel about hugs. And so did the audience, because the second to last joke I told was about how I hate being hugged. Tim wasn’t in the room when I told the joke — he went to buy the flower — but I didn’t know that. So when he tried to hug me, I thought he was kidding.
And he thought I was an ass.
The crowd laughed hard, but what made it even worse is I didn’t know he hadn’t heard the bit until he mentioned the diss on my way out and I explained the whole situation. Glad he said something or I don’t think he would want to be my friend anymore. Sorry Tim!!! Let’s [not] hug it out, though.