We just wrapped taping for season 3 of “Exhale,” and I had a day off before I had to head up to Seattle for a show. So I decided to stay overnight in LA with BFF Dawan, rather than fly straight to Seattle and get a room. He lives a ways from the hotel where I was staying, but his daughter’s daycare was just a couple miles away. So I decided to meet him there and ride back to the house with him after he dropped her off.
Perfect. I’d save money by not paying for an Über to West LA during morning rush, and I didn’t have to inconvenience him at all. To make sure everything went smoothly, I planned to arrive about 15 minutes early and just wait outside or in the lobby of the daycare center. But when my taxi pulled up, I realized the daycare was located in a home on a quiet, residential street, and I was gonna have to stand in front of the house until Dawan arrived. I considered asking the taxi driver to keep the meter running until he got there, so I didn’t look like a toddler thief, but I am poor. So I hopped out. Here’s the thing about being an unfamiliar brown woman standing in front of a daycare with two suitcases, each of which could easily hold a toddler: there’s no way to not look suspicious.
I regularly do an hour onstage, but those 15 minutes outside that daycare felt every bit as long. That’s why I’m not angry at the woman who sat in her car, sizing me up for 3 minutes before she got out and walked towards the house clutching her daughter’s hand and her cell phone equally hard. And I’m not mad that once she was inside, she peeked her head back out the side door and pointed me out to someone inside. I probably would have done the same. As soon as Dawan got there and shifted his truck into park, I began wrestling my super heavy bags into his trunk. “Hang on. I’ll do it as soon as I drop her off,” he offered.
Flew into LA for the day and the venue sent a towncar service to pick me up at the airport. I realized I didn’t have any cash when I got in the car, so I asked the driver if I could tip him on my card. He said he couldn’t do that, so when we pulled up to the hotel I asked the valet if there was an ATM inside. He said yes so I asked my driver to wait while I went in and got some money. I brought ten bucks (it wasn’t a great tip or anything) back to the car and gave it to him and he followed me back in to the hotel to tell me he’s been driving for 20 years and I’m maybe the third person who actually came back to the car after saying they’d be right back with a tip. Then he told me he was done for the day and took me to lunch with his tip. In real life.
The point of this story is: If you act like you have home training, sometimes an old white man takes you out for “kinda free” In-N-Out Burger and you wind up making an unlikely friend.
A lady left this note on my rental car the other day. It was an electric blue Sonata. I almost called her and asked her to make me an offer.
But seriously folks, who does this? I was wondering if she was inquiring as an individual… or did she work for one of those “we’ll buy your crappy old car or house” companies? Was she a fan of Hyundai’s in general, or did this herblistenous color just speak to her? And how often does this work for her? Funny you should ask… Yes, I would like to sell my sole means of transportation. Come on, lady! I was in LA parked in the deck at the Hollywood & Highland Center. Who doesn’t need a car in LA? And unless you’re a complete idiot, what you were going to pay me for it couldn’t buy me anything more than an older model of this very car. Someone needs to tell this lady that it doesn’t work this way. You either go to a used car lot, Carmax, etc. or you wait until you see a car with a “for-sale” sign in the windshield. Then you hit them with an offer.
I wonder if she tries to buy everything that way… Just walking around making people offers on stuff they’re already using.
“You interested in selling that outift?”
“Yo, can I cop the other half of your sandwich?”
“Give me a ring if you wanna sell your crib…”
Stop being lazy, and take yo’ behind to Macy’s/Subway/Remax.
I’m kinda curious how much I could have gotten out of her. I should have at least called. Maybe I still can…
On Monday nite the flight I was on from Atlanta to Los Angeles caught on fire mid-flight. It was really scary. But we evacuated via the inflatable slides, which was kinda exciting too — though I’m not sure I should admit that… Anyway, I created a Me In Your City video blog about. Wanna watch it? Here it go:
I’m out here in LA for a few days and today I met up with my girl, the HILARIOUS, international comedy rock star, Gina Yashere. She suggested we go to lunch at this vegan soul food restaurant she likes.
Vegan. Soul. Food.
If ever there were three words that made me wanna burst into tears… But I’m always open for new things so of course I said let’s go! I ordered the soul food plate with spicy fried ‘chicken’, yams, collard greens, corn, and macaroni and ‘cheese’. I started with the ‘chicken’ because I was the most curious about it. It was breaded and conical, and the consistency was very un-chicken like, but the taste wasn’t that far off. What bothered me was the short wooden stick coming out of the base of my ‘drumstick’. “Ummmmm… what is this, G?” “It’s the ‘bone.’”
In case you’re wondering, that was my spirit sobbing. The yams and the greens were fantastic! The mac and cheese wasn’t half bad. And there was cornbread too. But the ‘chicken’ is what I cannot get over… was like the culinary version of a Designer Imposters Body Spray.
I would like to improve my diet, and clearly vegans are living a much healthier lifestyle than I am, but if this is the kind of stuff you start eating when you move to Hollywood, then I think I’m cool on LA for now.
Sooooo… I’m making my [not so] triumphant return to [the] LA [area]!!!
This Wednesday thru Saturday, July 14-17 I’m going to be performing with my good friend Vince Morris at The Comedy Club at Pechanga at the Pechanga Casino and Resort. I haven’t been to LA since 2008 so I’m really looking forward to it! After the shows I plan on spending a few days in LA just to catch up with friends. If you’re in the area and can make it down I GUARANTEE that you will love this show from top to bottom.