Hey guys! Here’s my new video blog about my love affair with CVS. Those who know me well are probably shaking your heads already. I can’t help it.
I’m addicted ;)
Cereal bowls and skinny jeans
Everything is relative.
I just got off the phone with BFF Angi who has a 1-year old and finally got back into her skinny jeans! HOORAY for her!!! She’s always been athletic (In fact, she was named as one of the 50 Greatest ACC athletes of all time) and is back down to her fighting weight of 120 pounds. Gee An, I probably should have asked before I posted that, but I’m probably gonna add this to the act and talk about it in front of hundreds of strangers every nite anyway, so try not to be mad.
Funny thing is even when she told me what her heaviest weight was, it still sounded tiny to me because literally, she’s half my size… So I said to her,
“You know, if we were a cereal commercial, it would take 2 bowls of Angi to equal 1 bowl of EJ.”
It takes 4 bowls of Corn Flakes...
She immediately knew what I was talking about and we couldn’t stop laughing. Sh!t, I still can’t… It’s funny because it’s true. This is why I’m still going hard with GF’09. Wish me luck!
You GO Wanda!
I heart Wanda Sykes.
Below is her performance at this year’s White House Correspondents Dinner. And here are a few of my fave quotes:
ON BO-BAMA — “The man has to rescue a country that’s been abused by its previous owner. Let him have a fresh start with the dog.”
ON RUSH — “Rush Limbaugh said he hopes this administration fails… I hope his kidneys fail. How ’bout that?”
ON HANGING OUT WITH THE VP — “You and Joe Biden can’t hang out together… Whose idea was that– Nancy Pelosi’s?”
Thanks Leon for the heads up ;)
Are you sure that’s not a typo?
So I’m on a plane yesterday on my way to Ft. Wayne, IN and I notice this sign above my head:
And you know how you just see a word that just doesn’t look like it’s spelled right?
I stared at it for a good minute before I tapped the woman sitting next to me (a very friendly lady by the name of Karen) to ask her if the word “flotation” was spelled correctly. ‘Cause it just didn’t look right to me. I fly all the time but I never noticed this before. Seems like there should be an “a” after the first “o” like in the word ‘float’. doesn’t it? I don’t believe I’ve ever had the occasion to write or type the word, so it’s not like I’ve been going around spelling it wrong for years… like I did with ‘down pat‘ (I always thought it was ‘downpacked.’ Seriously. Until like 4 years ago. My mom called me out and teased me for days.) Or how I didn’t recognize the word ‘segue’ wasn’t spelled phonetically until I read it in context in a book. That one was kind of embarrassing but I figured it out on my own. I didn’t even have to tell you that…
Anyway, long story short, the plane we were on had WiFi, and Karen and I needed to know the answer right then and there, so I got on my iPod Touch and we found out that both “flotation” and “floatation” are acceptable spellings. Which is freakin’ dumb. But you know, whatever. Dilemma solved. But it still looks wrong.
What else is going on?…
- When I got to the Ft. Wayne airport there was a guy handing out sugar cookies. For no reason. Just because it’s the midwest and people are way too nice. He asked me if I’d like a cookie. I told him yes, I’d like four. Tee hee ;) That was just a joke GF’09 is still on track.
- We had a great show last nite. And afterwards, some of the local comics and their friends took me out to a nightclub where the DJ played “Whoomp There It Is.” And it wasn’t a throwback set. He was serious. I don’t think there’s anything else to be said about that.
- We had morning radio today. I didn’t know it was a rock station and I just happened to have on a pretty cool Jimi Hendrix Rolling Stone t-shirt. The DJ had all kinds of Jimi paraphernalia in his studio. He even had a Jimi figurine which I made him take a photo of me with.
No really, I'm this corny
Well that’s about it for now. I’m gonna take a nap before afternoon radio cause my allergies are kicking my butt out here. Have an awesome day!
Get Fine ’09 – Pt. 1
There is nothing more discouraging than deciding to get in shape and realizing you can’t fit any of your old gym clothes. Literally y’all, I am working out so that I can fit into my sports bra.
My jogging/walking outfits are embarrassing. Today I just threw on a top and a bottom that looked relatively absorbent, topped it off with a GAP baseball cap and hit the road. I don’t have a fannypack (because well, for the same reason you don’t) so my blackberry was bulging from my capri sweatpants pocket. And the tennis shoes I was wearing — let’s just say there may be some photos of me wearing these same tennis shoes in college. During my cool down I passed another jogger – a very fit woman wearing a very cute jogging suit, and I was envious. Not of her figure, but of her color coordination. Yet I refuse to go out and buy cute workout clothes when I have perfectly good ones collecting dust at home.
Exhale… I’m gonna keep my head up though because in the words of the great philosopher Justin Timberlake, I gotta “get my sexy ONNNNN!” Operation Get Fine in ’09 is going well so far. Wish me luck!
Buy a belt
I absolutely hate saggy pants. I thought this trend was fading out a few years back, but I’m realizing that was probably because the men I saw and dealt with on a regular basis had more sense than to leave the house and show their ‘literal’ asses. I remember a few years ago there was this movement to criminalize sagging in a lot of states… Not sure how many actually adopted it. But I found this chart online. It’s from the PD in Flint, MI where sagging has been outlawed.
I love how the option for the penalty is a $500 fine or 93 days to a year in lockup. I bet after just one day in jail these fools would have their jeans belted up around their necks. I wonder how this is working out. Being relatively familiar with the population in Flint, I imagine they would quickly run out of room in the jails if they were diligently enforcing this. Plus there’s a lot more work the PD there could be doing instead. Tu sabes? I dunno. I just thought this was funny.
Neti my love, Neti my love, Neti my lo-ove…
I have struggled with allergies and sinus problems my whole life. I get at least one really bad sinus infection every year. It’s why I HATE spring.
So one of my girlfriends turned me on to the Neti Pot.
P.S. Just in case you're wonderin', the Tide has nothing to do with this process.
OMG where has this thing been all my life? The concept is kinda gross — mix up a saline solution in this little pot, then pour it into one of your nostrils and let it travel through your sinuses until it comes out the other nostril.
I said I know it’s gross. But it works.
The first time I did it, I felt like I was drowning. I’m not yet used to the feeling but man if I didn’t feel better immediately afterwards. Cleans all the pollen and what-not from your sinuses. It’s not sexy, but neither is wearing a face full of Vicks VapoRub when you go to the movies to see the Soloist — or at least that’s what I’ve heard.
Thanks D for the recommend. I’m breathin’ easy(er).
E
This too shall pass
I always thought this phrase came from Biblical scripture, but I recently found out that it doesn’t. Even so, it’s as, if not more comforting to me in times of distress than anything I’ve ever read in the Bible.
I’ve been going through a pretty rough time the last month or so. And telling myself (sometimes hourly) that nothing lasts forever really is the only thing that even remotely helps. There is a very strange dichotomy when your job is to make people laugh and you’re hurting on the inside. You feel like a phony. And you get through the shows and you go back home or to your hotel room, and you wish there was someone there whose job it was to cheer you up… The sad clown metaphor is hella cliche, but it summarizes the situation perfectly.
I don’t mean to complain. I love my job. But like anything in life there are times when you JUST DON’T WANT TO. Friends have asked, “Why don’t you write about it?” And I will. When and if it becomes funny to me. But right now I just wanted to say again for myself and to anyone reading who needs to hear it:
No matter what you’re going through…