Words with Fiancees

I haven’t been on a real date in over a year, but I’ve finally decided how I’d like to be proposed to…

Earlier today I posted my proposal fantasy on Facebook. And since I’m sure that you and all my potential suitors are curious, here goes: OK, so it’d be during a game of Words with Friends with my hypothetical boo. He’d keep swapping tiles for some reason, when I knew he had to have the Q and the Z cause I didn’t. And he’d use his tiles to spell words like “husband,” “wife,” and “bedding” because he used his “w” to spell wife and it’s close enough to wedding for me to get the idea… Yup. That’s my idea of perfect.

I ended my status update with: “That’s romance. Don’t nobody try and steal my ish!”

WELL… Not five minutes passed before an old HS acquaintance posted a comment with this story in it. Talk about raining on someone’s parade! She couldn’t have just kept this to herself? Sad Face.

Thanks a lot Dana.

Stand-up? I can’t even stand up

Gina Yashere, Maria Bamford, me, and Jamie Lee

I’ve been in LA for the past two days to tape a new stand-up show for TV Guide Network called “StandUp in Stilettos.” I’m also part of a theatre tour called “Pumps and Punchlines…” Haha, but I digress. SIS is an all-female comedy series hosted by Kate Flannery from “The Office,” and it premieres on June 16! Kate was lovely and super cute. Haha, but I think she was the only person who had on stilettos. I rocked a pretty basic pair of sandals that were still murdering my feet, and an olive green top with gold accents from the Noriega/Khadafi collection (pictured above).

Funny ladies Jamie Lee and Maria Bamford were on my episode. It was my first time meeting Maria, and she was awesome. My good buddy Gina Yashere came over to the studio a couple hours before her taping so she could catch mine. Because she is also awesome. Can’t wait to see this show. Though in the past year or two I’ve taped several things that never made it to air — or just haven’t made it there yet, I haven’t told jokes on TV in quite some time. Really looking to get my groove back in 2012. Wish me luck!

Advanced Placement

Got this tweet from a HS student in Albuquerque, NM saying that her high school’s AP English class was reading and debating my NYT piece from February. How cool is that?!?? Though I obviously know how far-reaching the Internet is, I often write or post things without even considering their potential reach. I’m flattered that someone who teaches AP English thought my article worthy enough to share with his class. Moreover, some 16 years after graduating HS, I finally made it into an AP class. Wait til I tell my mom! #Validation

Lending a Hand: Natasha’s Justice Project

On Monday night, I performed at a benefit for an amazing organization called Natasha’s Justice Project. NJP is a not-for-profit that advocates for survivors of sexual assault by working to expose the extent of the rape kit backlog, informing the public and media about the crisis, and educating legislators about the need for changes to the statutes of limitations for sexual assault prosecution. The founder, the super-awesome, and brave, and determined Natasha Alexenko, saw her unprocessed rape kit sit unprocessed on a police department shelf for 10 years before it was processed. Her assailant was finally convicted and jailed another four years after that. But she is one of the (for lack of a better phrase) lucky ones. NJP estimates that between 200,000 and 400,000 rape kits around the country are shelved and collecting dust due to crime lab backups.

Natasha was featured in the HBO Documentary “Sex Crimes Unit.” She and her staff travel around the country to build awareness and raise money to support the effort, but they’re also conducting research to determine the precise number of unprocessed kits. I can’t imagine going through something like that and not receiving closure — not because my assailant had a good attorney and beat the case, but because his/her fingerprints, DNA, etc. had never even been entered into the system. The crime of rape currently has just a 24% arrest rate.

The event was held at The George Washington University, and though the cause is a very serious one we definitely had a great time at the show. Y’all know how I get when I drink white wine…

The local news came out to interview Natasha and there was a Q&A after the show. I learned so much. The numbers are astonishing. I wanted to do more.

I often feel like what I do for a living is so trivial. That although I’m a news and politics junkie, my comedy doesn’t reflect that or address any important social issues. I see causes I’d love to support, but lack the financial means to do so… But if by telling stories about how weird my parents are or how my dating life sucks, I can do even a tiny bit to help relieve the stress/pain/fear these women and men face, then I am 100% about it. This cause is definitely one I’ll continue to support and bring whatever attention I command to. I promised Natasha I would, and I meant it. If you have a few minutes, check out Natasha’s Justice Project online. Right now. Read the statistics. Read Natasha’s story. You’ll be amazed.

I plan to do all I can to help.

What can you do?

All photos courtesy of Alexis Greenberg Photography

No Hate

This afternoon I drove up to the Gay Community Center in Richmond to take my photo for the NOH8 campaign! I’ve been looking forward to this for months. I’ve wanted to be part of this movement since the first time I saw one of Adam Bouska’s awesome photos, but I was never able to make any of the open photo shoots held in my area until today. In case you’ve been living in a cave and aren’t familiar with this movement, here’s a little background:

On November 4, 2008 Proposition 8 passed in California, amending the state Constitution to ban same-sex marriage. The defeat provoked a groundswell of initiative within the GLBT community at a grassroots level, with many new political and protest organizations being formed in response.

The NOH8 Campaign is a photographic silent protest created by celebrity photographer Adam Bouska and partner Jeff Parshley in direct response to the passage of Proposition 8. Photos feature subjects with duct tape over their mouths, symbolizing their voices being silenced by Prop 8 and similar legislation around the world, with “NOH8” painted on one cheek in protest.

When I got there I was number 168, but the line moved super fast. To keep us entertained while we waited for our numbers to be called, there were several drag queens who performed, and there were also some impromptu dance numbers by random audience members. Too much fun.

It takes them between 4 and 8 weeks to send you your final, retouched photo. Can’t wait to get mine! The session went so fast I didn’t even have the chance to get my smize together, but I’ve seen enough of his photos to know I was in good hands! Hooray for this!

Best Birthday Ever

Well, you guys… my birthday curse seems to have been broken. Cause I just had the best birthday I’ve had in my 21… OK, 25… 34 years on God’s great earth! Just got back from Boston where I attended the 4th Annual Women In Comedy Festival. What an amazing weekend! Funny ladies (and a few guys) from all over the country doing what we all do best. It doesn’t get much better than that!

I was selected as one of the festival’s headliners — along with my good girlfriend Kelly MacFarland, Erin Judge and the fantastic-mazing Wendy Liebman and Carol Leifer. What an honor! On Saturday afternoon the five of us sat on a panel where we talked about great moments, challenges, and our creative processes. I clearly have no delusions of being in the same class as Ms. Leifer and Ms. Liebman, but it was cool to pretend for an hour and a half. I told the panel and attendees how, when I was no more than a month or two into stand-up, I e-mailed Wendy thru her website with a ton of newbie comedian questions. She took the time to e-mail me back and answer each one and even offer words of encouragement. She didn’t have to do that obviously and I know now just how annoying I must have been, but I’ll always heart her for it. In addition to being super hilarious, she’s one of the nicest ladies on the planet — no wonder she’s been so successful!

Lets see… other things that made it the best birthday ever:

1) When I was leaving the panel I got back to my car and there was a police officer writing me a ticket because the meter had expired. He said “This your car?” Well actually it sounded more like “This yaaaaaa caaaaa?” I nodded yes and he told me I was too late. I told him it was my birthday and he said “Oh yeah? Show me your license as proof.” I gave it to him and he ripped up the ticket. Yaaaaaay!

2) Got to hang out with a friend I hadn’t seen in over 10 years, and see some really cool places in Boston — including the neighborhood where Mark Wahlberg grew up. Yeah… I said that.

3) I lost my brand new Droid Razr Saturday nite… and got it back about 10 minutes before I left for the airport on my way back home.

4) Red velvet cheesecake with whipped cream and sprinkles from Cheesecake Factory.

5) Oh… and Carol Leifer and Wendy Liebman said they thought I was funny. I guess that was kinda nice too. #PlayingItCoolWhileScreamingOnTheInside

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THE WOMEN IN COMEDY FESTIVAL TO ALL MY LADY COMEDIAN FRIENDS!!! GO, GO, GO NEXT YEAR. I GUARANTEE YOU’LL HAVE AN AMAZING TIME! I’m definitely going back. In fact, I wish I had a time machine so I could travel back and attend the first 3 festivals. Thanks so much to the organizers: Michelle Barbera, Maria Ciampa, Hillary Buckholtz, and Elyse Schuerman, all the other folks behind the scenes, and all the hilarious comics I met and got to work with for the first time. I had a blast! See you guys next year. Same bat time. Same bat place.

Are People Getting Dumber?

What a stupid question! LOL. J/K.

I was asked a few weeks ago to contribute to a New York Times Room for Debate Forum on intelligence. The debate centered around the question of whether or not Americans are becoming dumber. It was published last night. Check out the articles — especially mine — and join in the conversation if you like!

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Oh Yes, It’s Ladies Nite, Pt. II

I was invited by the Washington Nationals to perform at Ladies’ Night again. Always a super fun event. It was held in a different location that it had been in the past — a tent just outside the first base gate. Lots of cool vendors and beverages. I met a few ladies from an organization called Even the Score — a company that offers “specialized trainings, corporate events, social gatherings, and matchmaking events – an impressive array of interesting and exciting opportunities designed to deepen [women’s] understanding and enjoyment of sports.” Super cool. Please check them out. I’m thinking about joining.

I got 4 tickets to sit in the Diamond Club — which was all-inclusive yummy restaurant buffet, wine, beer and stadium food. Woo-hoo! I brought along my BFF’s Kellz and DWJ, and my sports and home repairs boyfriend (and DWJ’s real hubby) Kenny — three of my absolutest favoritest people. It was pouring on the Diamond deck and the game was on rain delay so when it finally started a lot of folks weren’t paying attention… And I saw a guy get clocked with a foul ball full speed just as BFF Kellz walked from where he was to find a restroom. I saw the ball coming and I wanted to tackle her and throw her to the ground. It was like it happened in slow motion…

Noooo….


Thank little 8 lb., 6 oz. newborn infant Jesus that ball missed her. They had the medics and the management over to the guy that got hit in record time. Doing tests. Giving him big bags of ice to put on his head. And the guy who finally grabbed the ball didn’t even give it back to the guy who got hit. I thought that was the “foul-er” than the ball. Anyways, another fun night thanks to the folks over at Nationals Park — AND the Nats won! Can’t beat that.

Thanks so much, guys!!!