Stand Up For Family

Deon Cole, Bill Bellamy, Me, Johnny Sanchez, Rickey Smiley, Royale Watkins

Deon Cole, Bill Bellamy, Me, Johnny Sanchez, Rickey Smiley, Royale Watkins

I just got back from Atlanta after shooting the Stand Up For Family comedy special. Such a great event! It was a night of clean comedy featuring some of my favorite comics – Deon Cole, Rickey Smiley, Bill Bellamy, Johnny Sanchez, Drew Fraser. I was so excited to be in the lineup! Most of us don’t specialize in clean comedy, but it was nice to let people see that we can all still be just as funny. The show was produced by the homie Royale Watkins, who has been amazing to me since the first night we met at his Mixtape Comedy Show in NYC. And it was sponsored by American Family Insurance, whose motto “Pursue Your Dream. We’ll Protect It” was the theme of the event.

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I got into town on Friday morning and went straight into a photo shoot. Then I had the afternoon free before the kickoff reception. I’m not a huge club person but I was excited that Melanie Fiona would be performing. I’m such a big fan of hers. I invited BFF Angi to come to the party and we had a great time! Not only did Melanie tear the roof off the sucka, but there was also a live band that played 90’s R&B and Hip-Hop songs. The lead singer/emcee rocked everything from “Big Poppa” to DeBarge’s “I Like It.” I wanted to stay at that party for the rest of my life, but we ended up leaving early to grab dinner.

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Show night was great! I’m always super nervous before these things but I could tell from the minute Drew hit the stage for the warmup that the crowd was great. Except for BFF Angi. She doesn’t follow directions (i.e. no cell phones/cameras)… But thanks for the pic, girl! I’m just a comedy fan at heart and I laughed my arse off at everyone who hit the stage. Maybe my favorite bit of the nite was Deon Cole’s “Black people love napkins” bit. It’s so true. I hollered. Continue reading →

Remember that time I was on tour with Dave Chappelle?

It sounded too good to be true. Dave Chappelle was doing his first tour in years, it was the afternoon before the first tour date and he didn’t have an opener booked yet. I got an invite to do the first nite and the next day I got a call saying they loved my act and were inviting me to open for Dave for the remainder of his summer mini-tour. I told them I’d have to miss two cities because of a prior commitment — the premiere event for my new talk show — and they were cool with it. Wow.

When does that ever happen?

I’ll tell you when: Never.

I opened for him in Richmond, VA; Winston-Salem, NC; Myrtle Beach, SC and Raleigh, NC. I knew from the beginning that Dave would be bringing in some friends to open for him in the cities I couldn’t make it to and likely the finale city – Atlanta. But after last nite’s show in Raleigh, the promoter let me know that Dave had decided to bring them on earlier. I was beyond bummed; I felt like one of those dudes on Hard Knocks who gets asked to turn in his playbook. I couldn’t believe it. Dave Chappelle had comedian friends he’d rather tour with than me?!?? Impossible.

Please read the sarcasm there.

I was all up in my feelings last nite, but I decided to stop pouting as soon as it became today and instead focus on all the awesome things about this experience. So here goes:

  1. I got to meet Dave Chappelle.
  2. Supporting documentation for #1

    Supporting documentation for #1

  3. I traveled to four cities as Dave Chappelle’s opening act.
  4. Dave Chappelle watched my act and said he really enjoyed it.
  5. I got paid for 1-3.
  6. Live Nation, the biggest comedy concert promoters out there, know who I am now.
  7. I got to work with superstar DJ and producer 9th Wonder — who I’m SUCH a fan of. He thought I was funny, told other people he thought I was funny and even asked his folks to follow me on Twitter. 
    Supporting documentation for #6

    Supporting documentation for #6

Sidebar: now that both 9th Wonder and Phonte are down with the “I hope you don’t make it” movement (click here to see Phonte of LB and FE rocking my IHYDMI t-shirt), can somebody give me Big Pooh’s number so I can complete the Little Brother cipher?

But I digress.

This was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of opportunity that very few folks ever get. So rather than be salty or embarrassed that I got replaced, I’ve decided to be grateful that I was there in the first place. An iconic comic I’ve respected forever enjoyed my work enough to allow me to open a string of sold-out shows. And I am happy with the sets I did, especially the last one. AND I still have a TV show premiering in a week. All in all, I’d say I’m pretty blessed. What a difference a year makes.


The Tour: Pt. 2


Tonite we played two shows at the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach, SC. Such a cool venue. As soon as I walked in to the venue, one of the servers told me I had a delivery. Huh? Really? Then she brought in an Edible Arrangement and I thought, “Wow, it’s so nice of the tour folks to send me a fruit basket.” But then I checked the card and saw that it was from my three besties!

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My girls are the best. A thoughtful gift that is both yummy and diet-approved! Love those ladies!

I’m allergic to kiwi so I tried not to eat anything that was touching it. I failed. My eyes and lips swelled and I ended up having to leave before the second show was over… But Dave Chappelle told me he enjoyed my act. So yeah… I’mma take some more Benadryl and lay my puffy-faced self in the bed with a smile on my face.

Hopping in the bed now. Off to Raleigh, NC in the morning!

The Tour: Pt. 1


So, I got a call from my manager during the middle of last week. Dave Chappelle was launching his summer tour in Richmond, VA and did I want tickets? HELL YES. He was Dave’s manager back in the day and he said he would probably be able to get me a pair.


I didn’t hear back from him for a couple days so I figured he wasn’t able to get them. Then when I come out of the gym on Friday nite, I have a message from someone at Live Nation. They wanted to see if I was available to open for Dave those two shows in Richmond. OPEN FOR DAVE… Dave Chappelle.


So I get to Richmond — nerves on a hundred thousand trillion — and I have an amazing first show. It may have been the best show I’ve ever had. When I got off stage, the promoter asked me what my schedule looked like for the next few weeks. And then the next morning he called me and told me that Live Nation and Dave were really pleased with my show and he asked me to join them for the whole tour.

Yeeeahhh!!! Whaaaaaaattttt??!??

They would need me in Winston-Salem, NC the next day. Then Myrtle Beach, Raleigh, Charlotte, Nashville, etc. I took my dad out for Father’s Day dinner, watched the NBA Finals game with him, washed clothes and packed for two weeks out, and then got on the road to North Carolina. Woohoo!!!

Me and Dame

Me and Dame

I stayed with my friend Damon who lives in Winston-Salem; his building is literally across the street from the venue. Took me less than 2 minuts to get there. It was perfect! And by “perfect” I mean “free.” The show went well, but I ended up doing my entire set with the theatre lights all the way up. I KNOW. There was a follow spot on me, but the lights were on. And the whole time I’m thinking, “They’re gonna turn these lights down any minute…” Nope. Turns out someone at the theatre forgot to play the “this is where the emergency exits are” recording before I went out and they’re not allowed to bring down the lights before they do. I could see EVERYONE. So weird.

I’m so excited for this opportunity. It all came out of nowhere and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it, but I feel like I’m ready for it. I’m gonna do my best to check in from every stop. Tomorrow we head to Myrtle Beach! Talk to you then!

More fun facts


So I was at a Starbucks in Indianapolis where the staff decided to do these little profiles and give “fun facts” on all the baristas so customers could get to know them better. One was a graphic designer headed to the Savannah College of Art and Design. Another is a former sailboat racer. And then there was Katie.

Check out Katie’s fun fact…


Yup. Diabetes. Woo-hoo!!!

Who wrote this? Was it a joke by one of the baristas to see if we were paying attention? If so, that’s hilarious. But if Katie did this herself, well that’s just sad. But what’s even sadder is that Katie’s favorite drink is a “trenta Very Berry Hibiscus Refresher with lemonade instead of water.” Ummm, did Katie forget about her fun fact? She should probably go with the water. And maybe make it a tall. Whoever is making this drink for Katie must hate her.

I might hate her.


Pool Envy

This water park is in the middle of the hotel I’m staying in this weekend. Like for real right in the middle of it. It’s called the Coco Key Water Resort, and the first day I went over to the waterpark and had a drink at the bar just outside the gates and watched all the kids sliding and playing and splashing around. Then I realized how creepy I must have looked as the only adult there without a child, and I decided to go hang out around the regular pool.

Back in the day when I was young
I’m not a kid anymore
But some days I sit
And wish I was a kid again

Dude, it’s not even my car

A lady left this note on my rental car the other day. It was an electric blue Sonata. I almost called her and asked her to make me an offer.

But seriously folks, who does this? I was wondering if she was inquiring as an individual… or did she work for one of those “we’ll buy your crappy old car or house” companies? Was she a fan of Hyundai’s in general, or did this herblistenous color just speak to her? And how often does this work for her? Funny you should ask… Yes, I would like to sell my sole means of transportation. Come on, lady! I was in LA parked in the deck at the Hollywood & Highland Center. Who doesn’t need a car in LA? And unless you’re a complete idiot, what you were going to pay me for it couldn’t buy me anything more than an older model of this very car. Someone needs to tell this lady that it doesn’t work this way. You either go to a used car lot, Carmax, etc. or you wait until you see a car with a “for-sale” sign in the windshield. Then you hit them with an offer.

I wonder if she tries to buy everything that way… Just walking around making people offers on stuff they’re already using.

“You interested in selling that outift?”
“Yo, can I cop the other half of your sandwich?”
“Give me a ring if you wanna sell your crib…”

Stop being lazy, and take yo’ behind to Macy’s/Subway/Remax.

I’m kinda curious how much I could have gotten out of her. I should have at least called. Maybe I still can…

Baby Jesus, please heal my road rage

So I flew down to Tampa on Wednesday to do a show at University of Tampa. This church was just across the street from campus and I thought it was so beautiful I had to stop and take a photo of it. Booker T. Washington, thanks Instagram for turning my cell phone pic into this!

But I digress.

Perhaps if I spent more time in places of worship such as this, I wouldn’t find myself in situations like the one I experienced earlier that morning. Exhale… So, OK, I was headed to tiny Newport News (VA) International Airport (sidebar: I would like to see proof of their ‘international-ity’; I can’t imagine what other country they fly to). The sun was just coming up. It was nearly blinding me, so I had to drive slowly and squint in order to follow the signage pointing towards the parking lots. Well, the lady behind me had no patience for me. She kept trying to pass me and was tailgating me, but she couldn’t get around me. She started honking and from my rear-view mirror I could see her making some really aggressive gestures. I tried to let it go at first because I realized I was driving poorly. I even gave her the “hey-my-bad-please-forgive-me-but-I-cant-see” nod/gesture in the mirror, but she wasn’t having it. When I finally found the parking lot and pulled up to the ticket dispenser, she laid on her horn.

That’s when I lost it. That is when Miss Benita went off.

Because of the angle I pulled in at, I had to put my car in park and get out to grab the ticket. I was about to get back in, but her leaning on the horn combined with whatever she was shouting at me from the safety of her car caused me to lose it. I turned and started walking towards her car… And that’s all I’m going to say about that. Because I’m not very proud of what happened next.

Fast forward to me finding a parking space and getting on the shuttle to the terminal. I thought I was scot-free until we got to the last parking shelter and had to pick her up. She and I were the only two people on the bus, and we rode over to the terminal in complete silence, avoiding eye contact. We both acted ugly. But in an ugly contest, I’d have been the undisputed victor. I felt really badly about it, but anyone who’s ever ridden in a car with me, or been on the phone with me while I’m driving knows that my road rage is legendary. I’m generally not aggressive without provocation, but tick me off and it’s… it’s…

I need Jesus.

I don’t know what it is about my car, but it’s where all my frustration melds together and I can get it all out. Sometimes my anger gets jumbled and misdirected: “Oh, so you think you can just cut me off without a blinker, then stop short and sleep with my cousin, you no-follow-room-respecting, cheating ass bastard?!???” And the insults I hurl rarely make sense — I called somebody a “bastard fart” the other day — but it feels good.

I’m gonna ask Baby Jesus to help me curb my rage though. I’m not trying to get “50 Cent-ed” over some bull. Pray for me. For real.