Gallagher’s wet dream

I had a show in Austin, TX a few weeks ago and got caught on the Interstate behind this truck. Notice how there is no grate or anything to hold up the watermelons. Dude was SPEEDING down the highway and I was trying my best to stay in front of him in case something happened and he had to hit the brakes quickly. All I kept thinking was: “There’s gonna be a melon slide and I’m gonna get one caught underneath this rental car and I should have taken out the extra insurance and I bet this is how all of Gallagher’s wet dreams begin…“

I ended up behind him at this toll booth, and after pulling off I was able to get around him. But I took this photo and posted it to Twitter as a #CaptionThis challenge and got some fun replies. Here are a few of them:

Can you think of any more? If so, feel free to leave a comment. And try not to be too sensitive. #SometimesStereotypesAreFunny

Laziness saturation point

Yes, my fellow Americans. Someone thinks we’re this lazy:

And you know what? They’re probably right.

Tired of all that pesky bending at the waist business when you’re in the shower? Of COURSE you are. Well, bend no more. Easy Feet is here to save the day! A built-in pumice stone, bristles and suction cups that stick to the shower floor?… And here I thought advertising college in your pajamas was bad. One of my Facebook friends posted this yesterday and I was so angry at him for making me aware that this existed. I am also angry at whomever invented this product, the focus group that told he/she it was a good and necessary idea, anyone who has purchased it, and the stores that carry it. CVS better not be in on this…

I think this contraption constitutes the laziness saturation point — unless someone creates a body-sized loofah that you can soap up and stick to a shower wall or roll around on in a jacuzzi. Don’t steal that. It’s mine you lazy bastards. If you’re not insulted that someone thinks you might be lazy enough to purchase this, something might be seriously wrong with you.

Gotta go now. Time for my midday nap.

Marriage and mean mugs


I went home to Jersey this weekend to attend my friend Keisha’s wedding. So. much. fun. She was a gorgeous bride! And on top of seeing one of my oldest friends marry her Prince Charming, all my best girlfriends from high school were there. We’re all so spread out: Tennessee, Texas, Jersey, Virginia. The six of us hadn’t all been together since another wedding 8 years ago. Crazy.

I stayed with BFF Michelle and her husband and of course their daughter (my goddaughter) Maia. She just turned 2 in August. And I love when kids start developing their little personalities. She’s so much fun now. Spunky just like her mom. The first night I got there, we watched Toy Story 3. This is us holding hands during the scene where the toys are headed for the furnace.

After that, we had a mean mug contest:

I’m pretty sure I won, but she got more votes I think because of the cuteness factor.

We played dress-up too, but she wasn’t too happy about it. Haha. She made this sad mug on her own.

All in all, I had a great weekend! My girl Dionne and I are the only two in the group who are still single. Hope she ties the knot soon cause if we have to wait til my wedding to see each other again… well, Lord only knows… ;) Anyways, congrats to the new Mr. & Mrs. Barnes!!! I wish you a life full of love and happiness and more babies for me to ice grill, dress up, and love up on. LOVE YOU ALWAYS!!! Muah!

Coming soon to Bravo?

Real Housewives of The Bible? OK, I’ll bite.

The church this sign is in front of is down the street from my house. And it definitely got my attention, but I’m not sure whether to praise (pun intended) this church for the clever marketing idea or to shake my head that the Real Housewives are more of a draw than Jesus. I wonder who’s in the cast. I’m sure it’s a mix of actual wives and some single floosies — probably Eve, Ruth, Sara… Maybe that hoochie, Hagar. Or Jezebel, even.

OK, this joke is getting tired. But it reminded me of the Real Housewives of Civil Rights video I saw earlier this year. Don’t think I shared it here, but if you haven’t seen it yet, check it out. It is pure hi-LAR-ity! I heart these ladies:

That’s what I get…

So I was Googling for more photos of Derek J to brighten up this dreary Saturday afternoon, and I came across a photo of him rocking a top that I own…

That’s what I get.

You’re right Jesus. What I was doing was ugly. Poking fun at this man’s style and he’s just trying to live… Right now though, I’m trying to decide which is worse: Finding out Derek J and I have the same taste in clothing, or knowing I’d probably lose to him in a “who wore it better” poll?

Exhale.