At first I thought this Charlie Sheen photo was the image for the ‘Latinos backing Obama’ story. I was like… of all this nation’s prominent Latinos, you choose the head case with fake Irish surname?
I get it now… Haha. Reading is fundamental. But not reading is funnier.
A Facebook friend of mine posted this yesterday, and I can’t even think about it without laughing. This is the funnest thing I have seen in a long, long, time. Kith. Fantathtic.
A lady left this note on my rental car the other day. It was an electric blue Sonata. I almost called her and asked her to make me an offer.
But seriously folks, who does this? I was wondering if she was inquiring as an individual… or did she work for one of those “we’ll buy your crappy old car or house” companies? Was she a fan of Hyundai’s in general, or did this herblistenous color just speak to her? And how often does this work for her? Funny you should ask… Yes, I would like to sell my sole means of transportation. Come on, lady! I was in LA parked in the deck at the Hollywood & Highland Center. Who doesn’t need a car in LA? And unless you’re a complete idiot, what you were going to pay me for it couldn’t buy me anything more than an older model of this very car. Someone needs to tell this lady that it doesn’t work this way. You either go to a used car lot, Carmax, etc. or you wait until you see a car with a “for-sale” sign in the windshield. Then you hit them with an offer.
I wonder if she tries to buy everything that way… Just walking around making people offers on stuff they’re already using.
“You interested in selling that outift?”
“Yo, can I cop the other half of your sandwich?”
“Give me a ring if you wanna sell your crib…”
Stop being lazy, and take yo’ behind to Macy’s/Subway/Remax.
I’m kinda curious how much I could have gotten out of her. I should have at least called. Maybe I still can…
So it took me a while to figure it out, but apparently an Ibuprofen allergy is what’s responsible for my face looking like this. It’s something that developed over time — I’ve been taking Advil forever — so I didn’t immediately suspect it. But I finally put all the pieces together today. Every time my eyes swell I take photos so that I can show them to a doctor someday when I’m able to afford health insurance. Glad I didn’t have to wait that long…
It happens at the most inconvenient times. Earlier this month when I was headed up to NYC for a TV taping, the photo in the middle happened. Yeah, I had to be on camera that afternoon. It wasn’t pretty. Literally. At first I’d struggled to figure out what foods might have caused this reaction. And when I couldn’t find any commonalities, I’d written it off to stress. The pic on the left happened on the day my trifling ass “tenant” (quotations because actual tenants pay rent) “returned” these keys to me during the eviction process:
Why would that be stressful, EJ? That sounds like a good thing.
They were not my keys.
On the day of the second photo, I was also dealing with some drama about renting my condo and thought “Gosh, this whole being a landlord thing is really stressing me out.” I was kinda right. Because the situation spawned the headache that made me take the Advil.
But today I was stress free when I felt my face start to tingle about 30 minutes after taking something for a sinus headache. I finally put 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 (this happened once before in February when I threw my back out) together. I started Googling for Ibuprofen allergies and allergic reactions and I found my face! Well, not my face specifically but it was definitely my face. I felt like a super sleuth. I was more proud of myself for solving the case than I was glad I could prevent this from happening in the future.
As a reward for all my hard detective-ing (and to de-puff my eyes of course) I treated myself to a nice double dose of Benadryl and called it a day. At about 3pm. I’m just now waking up. And now I’m going back to sleep.
Not sure why I feel like you all needed to know all this, but I do. You’re welcome.
You know you need Jesus when a closed Chick-fIl-A is your only reminder that it’s Sunday. #Backsliding
The Category: Things that should not be sold at Lane Bryant
The Question: What are leopard ‘skinny’ jeans?
Some things just shouldn’t exist in a size 28. I mean, I’m not really fond of leopard bottoms in any size. But this was an LB in Jersey (#AllLeopardEverything), so I understood. But just because you can make these jeans doesn’t mean you should. And just because you can fit them doesn’t mean you should buy them… Do you hear me, sistren? We know better. And when you know better, you do what, Oprah?
Thanks for the lesson, Maya.
Also, who are we fooling by calling these “skinny jeans?”
I’m puffy so I can say that.
The end.
Gina Yashere, Maria Bamford, me, and Jamie Lee
I’ve been in LA for the past two days to tape a new stand-up show for TV Guide Network called “StandUp in Stilettos.” I’m also part of a theatre tour called “Pumps and Punchlines…” Haha, but I digress. SIS is an all-female comedy series hosted by Kate Flannery from “The Office,” and it premieres on June 16! Kate was lovely and super cute. Haha, but I think she was the only person who had on stilettos. I rocked a pretty basic pair of sandals that were still murdering my feet, and an olive green top with gold accents from the Noriega/Khadafi collection (pictured above).
Funny ladies Jamie Lee and Maria Bamford were on my episode. It was my first time meeting Maria, and she was awesome. My good buddy Gina Yashere came over to the studio a couple hours before her taping so she could catch mine. Because she is also awesome. Can’t wait to see this show. Though in the past year or two I’ve taped several things that never made it to air — or just haven’t made it there yet, I haven’t told jokes on TV in quite some time. Really looking to get my groove back in 2012. Wish me luck!
This afternoon I drove up to the Gay Community Center in Richmond to take my photo for the NOH8 campaign! I’ve been looking forward to this for months. I’ve wanted to be part of this movement since the first time I saw one of Adam Bouska’s awesome photos, but I was never able to make any of the open photo shoots held in my area until today. In case you’ve been living in a cave and aren’t familiar with this movement, here’s a little background:
On November 4, 2008 Proposition 8 passed in California, amending the state Constitution to ban same-sex marriage. The defeat provoked a groundswell of initiative within the GLBT community at a grassroots level, with many new political and protest organizations being formed in response.
The NOH8 Campaign is a photographic silent protest created by celebrity photographer Adam Bouska and partner Jeff Parshley in direct response to the passage of Proposition 8. Photos feature subjects with duct tape over their mouths, symbolizing their voices being silenced by Prop 8 and similar legislation around the world, with “NOH8” painted on one cheek in protest.
When I got there I was number 168, but the line moved super fast. To keep us entertained while we waited for our numbers to be called, there were several drag queens who performed, and there were also some impromptu dance numbers by random audience members. Too much fun.
It takes them between 4 and 8 weeks to send you your final, retouched photo. Can’t wait to get mine! The session went so fast I didn’t even have the chance to get my smize together, but I’ve seen enough of his photos to know I was in good hands! Hooray for this!