Beloved chicken
I don’t believe what they say
You wouldn’t hurt me
But I really want
To get better without drugs
No meat for EJ
I bought tofurkey
It will never take your place
A bad impostor
Maybe one day soon
We can be reunited
Arthritis sucks balls
Sometimes when I’m feeling’ blah, Jesus sends someone wearing Coogi in the 21st century across my path and everything seems just a little brighter.
Oh Coogi… Thanks Jesus.
It genuinely pisses me (and every other comedian, for that matter) off when I tell someone about an unfortunate thing that has happened in my life and he/she responds with some variation of “well, at least it’s good material.” It’s unsympathetic and dismissive and I wasn’t running a bit by you; I was just trying to tell you some real shit. Plus, not every painful thing is funny.
That said, I hope Rheumatoid Arthritis turns out to be hilarious. My doctor believes I have it based on blood work, family history (my grandmother had RA and my mom has MS) and the problems I’ve been having with my knees and hands the last couple months. And if he’s right, I know that being able to laugh through it is going to help. I still have some testing left before an official diagnosis, so in the meantime I’ve been going to physical therapy, taking water aerobics classes with senior citizens and trying to find the bright side.
So far, this is what I’ve come up with in terms of bright side:
- Anyone can board a plane when the gate agent calls for passengers who need assistance — that’s even before first class and elite frequent flyers — and they won’t even question you. Zone 3 my ass… do you see this limp?
- You can get felt up three times a week by a hot physical therapist and your insurance will cover it (well, 80% of it after you meet your $5,000 deductible #Obamacare). I hope I feel better soon, but also I hope I don’t. I only hope that last part a little bit, though.
I don’t know how accurate the facts cited in this article are, but I choose to take them as gospel. Because if laughter is the key, I’m gonna be straight. I’ll keep you posted on the other positive things I learn about RA (or whatever’s up with me) and if you pray, please say a prayer for me.
Somebody help me get this monkey off my back.
This picture of me and Mindy the Monkey was taken during a show I had at the US Air Force Academy. Doesn’t she look excited? Don’t I look like I’m stifling a scream? There was… a lot going on at the venue. Comedy, exotic animals, caricatures, laser tag, mechanical bull riding, arts and crafts. I did an hour in the midst of all that… Some nites it actually feels like a job.
On my last nite in LA , I went to the shooting range with a friend. I don’t think I’d ever own a gun — I don’t even like loading them. But shooting (AT PAPER TARGETS) in a controlled environment is fun.
There I said it.
I’m by no means a good shot, but I surprised myself with this target. My first shot was the one to the skull cap. Even my friend was impressed. But besides the one to the cheek and the hand, I missed the target completely with the rest of the clip, and most of the next. Sidebar: why is Johnny Depp holding people up at gunpoint? He has taken this pirate thing a bit too far. Hashtag: MethodActing.
Yup. This is me attempting to do the Heisman pose (bum knees and all) on set with ex-NFL player and Heisman Trophy-winner, Ricky Williams. Y’all know I’m a huge football fan, but my interest in this man goes far beyond football. He’s one of the most intriguing and frustrating sports figures of my generation. This moment was so surreal.
He was a guest on our show about mental illness and the stigma that surrounds it in the black community. He discussed how he came to seek treatment/medication for social anxiety disorder, the reaction from his teammates and that it is possible to live a happy and fulfilling life after being diagnosed with a mental illness. He was clear and clean, articulate, introspective. For those of you whose last memory of him is from ESPN’s “30 for 30: Run Ricky Run,” I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. You’re going to see a completely different Ricky on this show.
But he’s not the only moving discussion in this episode. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll be inspired. I love what we do on our show. I know you will, too.
The band’s back together!
I just got back from Los Angeles after shooting the next cycle of our talk show, “Exhale.” We’ve got a new studio, a new set and tons of amazing guests this coming season. I can’t wait for you all to check out our new digs and see what we’ve been up to! I’ll keep you updated as to the premiere date. I hope you’ll tune in!