2013 August | Erin Jackson | Stand-Up Comedian

With enemies like that…

I see this commercial about shingles all the time. So glad my dad was wrong and I don’t have it. It sounds like a terrible condition. The reason I bring it up is because at the end of this commercial, the guy says, “The rash, the itching, the burning that I experienced on the side of my neck and my shoulders, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”

Yeah… whenever I hear someone say that, I think to myself, “You suck at enemy-ing.” Wishing painful things on each other is what enemies do. It’s literally in the definition:

en·e·my

noun \ĕn’ə-mē\

1. One who feels hatred toward, intends injury to, or opposes the interests of another; a foe.

You think after losing his family, being made a slave and having to fight a tiger, Maximus wouldn’t have wished a little shingles on Commodus? That when Lex Luthor had that Kryptonite all up in his face, Superman didn’t wish the tables were turned?

But I digress. What kind of things do these people wish for their enemies? Do they wish painful things on them, but just not as painful as shingles? Do they draw the line at broken limbs maybe? Kidney stones? Or are they just awesome people who abide by the “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” scriptural philosophy…? And if it’s the latter, how can I swap out my current enemies for ones like them? Because I know for a fact I’ve got some folks out there wishing their horrible sh*t and their mama’s on me.

With enemies like dude in the video, who needs friends?

Wine and dive

So I was leaving San Marcos, TX this morning on my way to Houston when I passed this sign for Three Dudes Winery. ‘Dudes’, ‘winery’ and ‘Texas?’ OK, I am intrigued. I doubled back and saw that it was open from 12-6. I looked down at my watch and it was 12:30 so I figured what the hell? I didn’t have anywhere to be until 7.

From the street, I wasn’t sure what kind of place it would be, but when I got down the drive I could see that it was adorable back there! It sat right on the San Marcos River and had a great river deck for tastings and receptions and such. Continue reading →

Brown Swan

Tonite when I arrived at the Texas State University Student Center for my show, this sign greeted me. See the little girl in the duck costume? That’s me. Whomever designed the poster for my event decided not to use my headshot, but instead a #ThrowbackThursday photo I posted online a couple months ago. I guess I kinda asked for it. The second I saw it, I laughed out the deepest belly laugh I’ve probably ever laughed. The guy and the girl sitting on the bench near the door had no idea that was me, and thus thought I was a lunatic. It was hilarious.

I can’t even be mad.

Wentworth: Always and forever

Wentworth Miller officially “came out” last week, in a letter declining an invitation to attend a Russian film festival:

“As a gay man, I must decline,” Miller wrote in his letter. “I am deeply troubled by the current attitude toward and treatment of gay men and women by the Russian government. The situation is in no way acceptable, and I cannot in good conscience participate in a celebratory occasion hosted by a country where people like myself are being systematically denied their basic right to live and love openly.”

But it was no surprise to anyone who’s been a fan of him and his career. The only reason I bring it up is that I am wholly amused by the women who get online and post things like “what a waste!” or “we lost another one…” whenever a handsome celebrity comes out as gay. As if that’s the reason he and she will never end up together — like Anderson Cooper’s gayness is why they’ll never marry a Vanderbilt. The only way that reaction is even remotely rational is if you’re talking about someone you actually know that you either used to date, or (believed you) had a chance to date.

Wentworth Miller will always be one of my favorites. He’s a great actor and maybe an even better writer and producer. He stood up for what he believed in; rather than just not go, he chose to make a statement. And I love that unlike other multiracial celebs, he proudly acknowledges his black ancestry — ahem, Vin Diesel.

Little Vin Diesel #TheAfroNeverLies

Plus, he is beautiful. So beautiful, in fact, that I am currently re-watching the entire Prison Break series just to bask in his beautiful-ness.

You were never gonna have him anyway. So please, let the man live.

Can I Live

Books

I like books. With hard covers. Made of paper. With big ketchup stains from that night you couldn’t put it down long enough to finish dinner. That I don’t have to plug in to read; they’re how I unplug.

Keep your technology. Long live books.

#RealBooks #Bookstores #Snob #Purist #Gift #Peace

We ate good and laughed our Ashevilles off

I just got home from the 7th Annual Laugh Your Asheville Off Comedy Festival in Asheville, NC. Such a good time! I had a show at the University of Georgia the day before I was headed to the fest, so I pitstopped in Atlanta, met up with my girlfriends Angela and Courtney and we made a road trip out of it. To say it was an eventful 48 hours would be the understatement of the decade. More on that in a later post. Angela’s been to Asheville a ton of times, and my love for this adorable town has been well documented in this video, but it was Courtney’s first visit. We wanted to give her the full AVL experience so we encouraged her to Google photos of the Biltmore Estate as we drove by it… because ain’t nobody got $65 to walk around somebody else’s big-ass house. Good times. As soon as we checked in, we freshened up and headed out to Angi’s favorite local restaurant, Cúrate. The food was AMAZING. We ate all the tapas. Poor server was taking our order real skeptically, like ‘there’s no way y’all are gonna finish all that.’

Silly server.

Saturday was my day to pick the restaurant. So of course we went to 12 Bones. Yum. With that good barbecue, cheddar jalapeno grits and corn pudding in our bellies, we were ready to head out on the town for some shopping and sightseeing. Asheville has such a cool vibe. Musicians and street performers on every corner, great vintage and souvenir shops. I found this Obama magnet in a local bookstore called Malaprop’s. It looks more like Herman Cain. Or Sherman Hemsley. Or Lou Rawls.

Continue reading →

Body language

If I’ve learned anything this past month, it’s to “listen to my body.” Unless it’s trying to tell me I should stop eating ice cream — then my body doesn’t know what the hell it’s talking about.

Allergies and this week on “Exhale”

This week on Exhale we talk with the hilarious Kym Whitley. We chat about how she got her start in comedy, her reality show and of course, her gorgeous son. Having adopted him without knowing his family medical history, she discovered that he has a lot of food allergies. And since babies can’t tell you what they can and can’t eat, she was nervous to leave him with sitters, daycare. So she came up with this t-shirt parents can put on their kids when they’re staying with new people just to remind them about food allergies. You write in your kid’s name with a Sharpie up top and then check the boxes of the things he/she is allergic to. And there are write-in boxes below for items not listed.

Isn’t that a FANTASTIC idea? As a person with severe allergies to a whole host of things, I can really appreciate this. She said that she’s even received messages from parents of autistic children who are unable to articulate their issues to caregivers saying “You’re saving my child’s life.” So powerful. You can order these shirts in English and Spanish at dontfeedme.org.

I had a severe allergy attack that landed me in the ER just yesterday. For the past month, I’ve been having these persitent reactions (hives, eye and lip swelling, throat swelling). Thought it was a new food allergy and have been journaling to try and narrow it down. But after yesterday I know for sure, my allergy is to aspirin.

I posted the status above on Facebook about a week ago. I was making a joke. Because I’m a comedian who currently has no medical insurance. But allergies are no joke. THANK GOD I had just gotten my epipen Rx filled. Without it, I’d never have made it to the hospital. Those two aspirin almost took me out, and I’m a grown woman. To think of what kids go through when they have severe allergy attacks — now more than ever I wanna buy these shirts for every parent I know just in case. Thanks so much Kym for what you’re doing!

Below is the trailer for this week’s show. We also talk with Keisha Knight Pulliam, Jeffrey Osborne, and Kevin Rodney Sullivan. SO much fun! I hope you’ll tune in. Wednesdays at 8pm. Only on ASPiRE.