With enemies like that…

I see this commercial about shingles all the time. So glad my dad was wrong and I don’t have it. It sounds like a terrible condition. The reason I bring it up is because at the end of this commercial, the guy says, “The rash, the itching, the burning that I experienced on the side of my neck and my shoulders, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”

Yeah… whenever I hear someone say that, I think to myself, “You suck at enemy-ing.” Wishing painful things on each other is what enemies do. It’s literally in the definition:


noun \ĕn’ə-mē\

1. One who feels hatred toward, intends injury to, or opposes the interests of another; a foe.


You think after losing his family, being made a slave and having to fight a tiger, Maximus wouldn’t have wished a little shingles on Commodus? That when Lex Luthor had that Kryptonite all up in his face, Superman didn’t wish the tables were turned?

But I digress. What kind of things do these people wish for their enemies? Do they wish painful things on them, but just not as painful as shingles? Do they draw the line at broken limbs maybe? Kidney stones? Or are they just awesome people who abide by the “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” scriptural philosophy…? And if it’s the latter, how can I swap out my current enemies for ones like them? Because I know for a fact I’ve got some folks out there wishing their horrible sh*t and their mama’s on me.

With enemies like dude in the video, who needs friends?

Old People Problems


I had several really bad allergic reactions to some fruit I ate this past week — grapes, nectarines. I had some swelling on my face yesterday and last night I broke out in hives. I took some Benadryl and went to sleep. My father was convinced I had shingles. “A lady in my Sunday School class said she just had shingles.” How old was she, Daddy? “68.”


I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that he jumped right to shingles. I mean, he’s an old dude and shingles is an old dude disease — not that young people can’t get shingles (’cause I Googled it and found out they can)… I’m just saying if they do, it doesn’t typically come and go within the span of an episode of “Love and Hip Hop Atlanta.” What’s important here is that my dad is the biggest hypochondriac I know. Growing up, he was always trying to send me to the doctor for something or other. My mom tells this story about how back when I was toddling, my dad got concerned and said, “I think we need to take her to the pediatrician. Why is she walking like that? All slow and wobbly?” Her response: “Because she just learned how to do it two days ago.” My Pop would have maxed out our insurance benefits every year if my mother hadn’t been there to stop him.

P.S. I know those are the wrong kind of shingles (pictured above), but I like to post pictures with each blog entry, and the other kind of shingles are super gross. You’re welcome.