Follow me

How cool is this: Huffington Post included me in their 18 Funny Women You Should Be Following On Twitter article this afternoon. I can’t believe how many new followers that article sent my way. I was on the road when they posted it, and my Blackberry was going off like crazy because I have my Twitter set to notify me when I get a new follower… When I finally was able, I pulled over to see my inbox was flooded, but I had no idea where all the new follows were coming from. At first I thought: “Wow, that’s a lot of spam!” And then I thought: “My sex tape must have gotten out…” But I did a little digging and found out what it was. Hooray!

It’s just nice to know they’ve heard of me!

Hey, Stu!

There have been a lot of changes in my life recently — the most important of which resulted in my recently becoming a landlord. Ugh. The idea of turning over my super-cute, immaculately (yes, immaculately) maintained home to someone I don’t know frightened the you-know-what out of me. It was a necessary move, and I did everything I could to prepare my place and accommodate my tenant during her move. But the fact remains that you never know what kind of situation you’re gonna end up with. I have friends who’ve had amazing renters that they hoped would never leave, and I have friends who ended up with horror-story tenants they wanted to evict immediately.

I’m not sure yet which type I’ve got. But I can say that I’ve already experienced things that make me appreciate the above scene from Coming to America in a completely new way. Perhaps this landlord is just frustrated and misunderstood. I mean, the mortgage and utility bills for the building are due the same time every month, Stu — regardless of when you decide to pay your rent. And now you gon’ try to sue me for personal injury?

Child, please. You lucky you didn’t get pushed down the stairs!

Pray for me y’all that this experience is a pleasant one, and that I don’t end up turning into this guy. But if I do, then please pray that the jokes are funny.

Coming soon to Bravo?

Real Housewives of The Bible? OK, I’ll bite.

The church this sign is in front of is down the street from my house. And it definitely got my attention, but I’m not sure whether to praise (pun intended) this church for the clever marketing idea or to shake my head that the Real Housewives are more of a draw than Jesus. I wonder who’s in the cast. I’m sure it’s a mix of actual wives and some single floosies — probably Eve, Ruth, Sara… Maybe that hoochie, Hagar. Or Jezebel, even.

OK, this joke is getting tired. But it reminded me of the Real Housewives of Civil Rights video I saw earlier this year. Don’t think I shared it here, but if you haven’t seen it yet, check it out. It is pure hi-LAR-ity! I heart these ladies:

That’s what I get…

So I was Googling for more photos of Derek J to brighten up this dreary Saturday afternoon, and I came across a photo of him rocking a top that I own…

That’s what I get.

You’re right Jesus. What I was doing was ugly. Poking fun at this man’s style and he’s just trying to live… Right now though, I’m trying to decide which is worse: Finding out Derek J and I have the same taste in clothing, or knowing I’d probably lose to him in a “who wore it better” poll?

Exhale.

Cold drinks, warm buns

I was in a bar in Norfolk, VA last nite after a show at Old Dominion University and I noticed these built in coasters on the counter top. They looked to me like they were frosted over so I reached out and touched them. I couldn’t believe it! Built-in drink coolers? I’ve been to and worked in tons of bars in my life; how have I never seen this before? Why didn’t you guys tell me these existed? I pointed them out to the friend I was with and then to the the other folks at the bar. No one had even noticed them. I was seriously as geeked about this as I was when I found out my first car (Moby — a gray 1986 Volvo 740 GLE) had bun warmers. Oh leather seats and bun warmers; how I miss thee…

I thought it was quite possibly the greatest bar I’d ever been to, until they did last call at 11:45 and collected all unfinished drinks at midnite. What kind of bar on a college campus closes at midnite??? That brought their “great” factor waaaay down. But I was still glad to have seen it. I wonder if this is an amenity that can be built into sofa armrests and ottoman tops — if it isn’t already… Hey, don’t steal that idea. It’s mine. Sorry.

Told y’all she be double dutchin’

I recently came across this photo of Michelle Obama playing double dutch with some children as part of her “Let’s Move“ campaign and I immediately burst out laughing thinking about this joke I made — it was actually more of a side comment — a few years ago about why I love her so much and why I think she’s so cool. This was a Valentine’s Day show just a few weeks after President Obama’s inauguration in 2009. Sooo jealous of these kids…

I apologize for the video quality — I wasn’t HD-ing it back then. But check it out and maybe you’ll have a chuckle too!

Deuces

I feel sorry for people in wheelchairs. But not for the reason you think. I’m not into pitying people because of their physical condition. Because you never know what their situation or testimony is. I feel sorry for people in wheelchairs because of what goes on in [handicapped] accessible bathrooms all across this country. Everyone reading this knows that when you feel the need to “marque numero dos” in a public restroom, you instinctively check to see if the handicapped stall is available. There’s something about the extra space or that it’s usually the furthest from the door, but everyone does it. Yes, you too.

Well think about how you would feel if you were in a wheelchair and every time you went into a bathroom your only option was the stall everyone else uses to take the Browns to the Superbowl. I was in a store restroom yesterday, and when I was coming out of my stall there was a lady in a wheelchair headed towards the accessible stall. When I got to the sink, I heard her go, “Oh my!” Then I turned to see her shaking her head, and then reluctantly rolling in. I felt so awful for her. I mean we’ve all been in that situation before, but most of us take for granted that when we walk into a gross bathroom we can just try another one.

That nasty handicapped stall is all this lady had…

Think about that next time you’re in a public restroom and you’ve gotta [insert your own euphemism here — I’m all out]. And let’s try and do a little better for our friends on two wheels.