Way too much

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Why? Why? Why?

This house is located in Hampton, VA. Not far from where my parents live. Every year these people “decorate” their house with every Christmas trinket ever made. Barbie dolls, blow up glow in the dark Grinches… and then people from miles and miles around come with their families to see the house during the holidays. They give out Christmas trivia leaflets for people to fill out while they’re visiting. It’s just way too much. These photos don’t even do it any justice.

I’m sure the people who own this house would say they do this because it makes them happy to make so many other people happy. And hey, it makes me happy to make fun of people who think that doing this to their home makes other people happy. So I guess… in the end, everyone’s happy.

Merry Text-mas

Alright already with the Christmas text messages. And the Thanksgiving text messages… and so on. I love y’all too. I really do. And I’m so glad that you thought about me during the holidays (if you, in fact really did). But it really is the most impersonal way to wish someone a Merry Christmas.

I’m cool with the electronic Christmas card, the mass e-mail newsletter about what’s gone on in your family over the past year… I’m cool with all that. There’s just something about the holiday text message that irks me. Maybe its because it’s not free (I don’t have that kind of plan y’all) and everyone in their mother sends one out. Maybe it’s because I can tell people just send them to everyone in their address book regardless of how close they are or aren’t to the people on their phone list…  I just got a text from a woman I did a show for 2 years ago, and a guy I dated more than 4 years ago. I know that booker didn’t intend specifically to wish me season’s greetings. She probably doesn’t even remember me. And old boy, I’m not even sure why my number would still be in his phone. His wasn’t in mine.

(Exhale)… I don’t know, call me Scrooge, whatever. I’m just venting. But think about what I’m saying here. For next year… or for New Year’s. Promise me you will. I gotta run downstairs and put this mac & cheese in the oven so, laytah :)

Comedy Central, CBS & a real blog… finally

It’s about time, right? Finally I’ve converted this ‘journal’ on my website into a real blog. What a project! I copied all my old entries into this blog too, so feel free to browse the archives and (finally) leave a message!

Also, for those of who who I haven’t told (I don’t know WHO that could possibly be) I found out this week that I’ll be appearing on the next season of Comedy Central’s “Live at Gotham” Also sometime this quarter I will be appearing on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson on CBS. I know, I can’t believe it either ;) I’m super excited. I keep waiting for someone to jump out like Dave Chappelle in the Oprah/Stedman sketch and be like “Gotcha, b****” hehehe…

Anyways, have a very Merry Christmas, everyone. Talk to ya soon!

I love Bruce Springsteen


I do. In a way that perhaps a 29 year old Black woman shouldn’t. Why am I writing about this now? Because I was listening to my iPod on random this morning and ‘We Are the World’ came on. Don’t you dare judge me. Anyway there’s the gong, the trumpets… Lionel Richie, Paul Simon, Kenny Rogers, Billy Joel (yeah, yeah, yeah) … but then in the second verse Bruce’s beautiful, raspy, voice comes in “We are the World, We are the children…” Game over. Bruce is killing y’all.

And it just reminded me #1 – I need to get more Springsteen on my iPod (right now I’ve only got Born to Run), and #2 – It’s time to reignite my adoration of this man.

Growing up in Jersey in the 80’s and 90’s, I had no choice but to love him — and by extension his band. Big Man Clarence Clemons (I saw you working it out on The Wire last season), Stevie Van Zandt (I still remember thinking wth is he doing on The Sopranos?), his ‘Red Headed Woman’, Patti. Love ’em all. To this day, my mother still buys every single thing he puts out, buys his concert videos, and we love him just the same as we always did. Real blue collar (or no collar) music for real people.

And I mean, The Boss. What an awesome nickname. Not too many recording artists have them. In the rock/paper/scissors game of entertainer nicknames, Bruce trumps all y’all ho’s. Plus, Springsteen barely even opens his mouth when he sings. How the hell does he do it? I swear, I don’t even know. And I don’t need to know. He is perfection in every sense of the word. Remember the cut off flannel shirts. The headband. HWWWHAAAT? (in my best Dave Chappelle imitating Lil’ Jon voice). He is so awesome. And I know that this may sound a little patronizing and you may be wondering whether I’m mocking or if I’m serious. Well please believe that I am serious. I love Bruce. I love Bon Jovi. I love Redman, Queen Latifah. Lauryn Hill (yes, still), and even Naughty by Nature. I have an unhealthy devotion to any and all artists from New Jersey — even though as you can see my musical tastes changed over the years. I was definitely white in the 80’s, but as you can see I ‘found myself’ in the 90’s. (BTW, I think that if there is an award for most parenthetical notes in a blog entry, this one should be the champ.) Out.

Do I hear Wolves crying?

I just got back in from a weekend in Indianapolis at Morty’s Comedy Joint. Used to be a Funnybone and now it’s under new management, owned by Jersey homie Eric Shorts. Beautiful room. They treated us great. Hope to be back soon. But as soon as I got there on Wednesday I started hearing all the weather forecasters talking about this snowstorm that was gonna hit on Friday and Saturday. Huge accumulations. Between 8-10 inches. But I figured, this is Indiana. They gotta know how to handle snow up here. I’m sure they don’t go into a panic like we do down here is DC every time we see so much as a flake…

But when it didn’t hit Friday, the weather dudes said oh it’s gonna be Saturday into Sunday — Now it could be up to a foot of snow. So then when it snowed Saturday morning and stopped by like noon, leaving like 2 inches max, they were like, oh this is the calm before the rest of the storm. It’s gonna start again late Saturday nite and by Sunday morning it’s gonna be terrible. Brace yourselves… But still nothing. Then when it didn’t snow they were like OK, OK, but it’s gonna rain, and then that’s gonna freeze and THEN it’s gonna cause big problems… Sheesh, turns out the weatherfolks in Indy cry just about as much wolf as they do down here. I don’t even think the whole storm dumped more than 2 and and half, maybe 3 inches… but it did put a damper on our Saturday nite shows. Nevertheless, the folks that did come out came out to laugh, so we had a good time.

I was on the Bob & Tom Show while I was out there. They’re based in Indianapolis, and it was big fun. Me and the headliner went on right after Jim Gaffigan and Louis CK… ah… just to imagine I was in that league made my day :) They had me on the website and everything. But the highlight of the show was when I made Tom laugh so hard he spit water out of his mouth and thru his nose… Thank you, Thank you, I was there all week ;) I e-mailed the show for the audio, but it won’t do the moment any justice. Dammit, I wish there was video. He was asking me if I had other talents besides comedy — did I sing or something and I said no, but a lot of people think that I should sing… and he said oh its probably because you have such a beautiful speaking voice. And I said nah, I think it’s because I’m fat and black but thanks for that… nose water all over the console.

It was beautiful.

Hey, this is me with Bob and Tom.

And this is me getting my tongue stuck on an ice sculpture of a reindeer. Why? You mean why was it in the comedy club in the first place?

Oh, you meant why was my tongue on the reindeer…


This is me and my hero, Bill Cosby — or as close as I’m gonna get to it for a while.

And this is your brain…

Yeah right, deer hunters

I was watching the news this morning and they were talking about lengthening the deer hunting season in Maryland because the deer population is getting out of control. And I rolled my eyes at the TV… Really, I’m gonna need people who kill deer for sport to stop saying they do it to control the deer population. Keep it real, son. Y’all just like to pop off. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s your constitutional right to own guns and murder wildlife. Just own up to it and stop acting like you’re doing the rest of us a favor. The beef industry doesn’t pretend to murder cows because they won’t stop having sex. They do it because cows taste delicious. And they stand behind it.

And if the issue really is population control, isn’t there a better way than shooting the deer? Maybe a deer birth control patch or something. All I’m saying is its a slippery slope… So watch out <<insert stereotypically hypersexual ethnic group>>. You may be next.

Thats right, fill in your own racist blank.