Alright, so lets recap.
- Dude didn’t want to take my “ass all the way back home”
- Dude didn’t pay for my meal and asked me for extra money to pay his
- I saw dude’s penis on the first date – and I don’t mean that in a good way (shout to Dom Irrera – because he always reads my blogs)
So for whatever reason, even after Pee-Gate I decided not to take a cab home. Maybe I was in shock. Maybe it was the comic in meâ€¦ My boy Bryson said that probably I just needed to see it all the way through just to make sure it was really happening.
I get in the car with dude and I scoot as far away from him as physically possible. And the whole time, I’m sniffing for pee pee. Seriously. I was like, I think I can smell it. Why was I trying so hard? I cannot answer that. Now if you know me, you know I was throwing this brother shade all nite. Big eyes, snarky commentsâ€¦ but dude was either completely unable to read overt social cues and body languageâ€¦ or I was on a prank dating show and have yet to be notified. Really, my boy Dawan is on BET’s Hell Date. I was seriously like alright Dâ€¦ very funnyâ€¦ Now where’s the dancing midget?
Exhaleâ€¦ So we pull up in front of my place and he puts the car in park and he’s like I really like you. I like your style. I know you said you’re going out of town this week and I’m working such and such nite, so I guess we’ll just get together next Sundayâ€¦
So then he’s like “Alright Erin reallyâ€¦ no matter how hard you beg, I’m not coming up. Not on the first date. It’s too soon.”
Blank stare back at him.
He interpreted the blank stare as my not getting his ‘joke’. So he kept going. “You really need to learn some self control and stop being so aggressive.” So I said, “Yeah, I’m gonna go upstairs and pray about it.” So I open the door to get out and he’s like, “Wait, I think I should walk you to your door. I mean this IS southeast.”
Needless to say I laughed, got out of the car and slammed the car door. I then went in the house and called my parents to tell them they should give up hope of ever having grandchildren. Because I quit. Cause if anything like this ever happens to me again, I might just snap. I was like hey, if you put away money for their college or to help with a wedding for me, do yourselves a favor and liquidate it. You’re old. Buy yourselves something nice.
So that’s it. That’s the whole story. Not nearly as eventful as the beginning, but just as redunkulous.
‘Til next time.