Friends don’t let friends wear jeggings


noun \i-n?-bl?r\

1 :one who encourages another to persist in self-destructive behavior by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior.

Rather than use it in a sentence, I have opted instead to offer a visual explanation. Please check out this video clip and the photo below and meet me on the other side.

You see all those people cheering in the audience? Jersey Shore Ronnie sitting on somebody’s shoulders? And all the other artists giving Wayne dap? I’m talking especially to YOU — Khaled, Rick Ross… They have enabled this once-clever lyricist to the point where he now thinks everything he does is hot — including running around the stage bare bird-chested in leopard pajama jeans and Ronald McDonald shoes, singing R&B and pretending to play electric guitar.

Part of the problem is that once anyone gets super famous like Wayne, a “yes” bubble forms around them.

WAYNE: Yo, y’all think I should rock these jungle print footie pajamas to the MTV Awards?
THEM: If we say no, you still gon’ pay our rent?
THEM: Then, yes.

Or maybe it’s just the drugs. I mean would a clean Wayne — even if surrounded by an army of “yes men” — do some of the things he does? I think if he actually has some people in his life that really care about him, they should call the folks over at A&E and get dude on an episode of “Intervention.” All they’d need to do is get him halfway sober and show him his VMA performance from Sunday night. The show would only need to last 4 minutes. Just get everybody in the room, turn on the DVR, put him in the limo to the rehab, roll credits. Cause I mean, really… What more is there to say?

Laugh, then scream

Last night I had a show — an AWESOME show — at Grand Valley State University in Allendale, MI. It was my first college show of the school year and theirs as well. Glad it was yesterday, cuase they’ve got Dean Edwards coming in today and I didn’t want to have to follow him. Booker T. Washington, Go ‘head GVSU for booking two brown comics back-to-back to open the school year!!! That doesn’t usually happen until February.

Moving on, I love this poster they did for the event. They had an advanced screening of “Scream 4” scheduled in the same room just after my show so they put both events on the same poster. It looks like the Scream killer is sneaking up on me, doesn’t it? I’m totally putting it in my press kit that I was in Scream 4. And I’m gonna use this poster image to prove it. You didn’t see me? Well maybe you came in late or blinked or something. You know the brown girl always dies first.

Tee hee. Thanx GVSU!

Cucumber, water, purple

So I was sitting on a sofa in the lobby of my hotel yesterday afternoon, and on the table behind me (my back was to it), there were two pitchers of water — one filled with lemons, and one filled with what I just assumed were limes. A couple minutes after I sat down, two teenaged girls walked in and I overheard the following conversation:

GIRL #1: Now what is this one? Lime water?

GIRL #2: No, it’s cucumber water. So yummy. I drink it all the time. It’s the new thing. Try.

GIRL #1: Oh my God. You’re so right. I’m gonna try to make this at home. Could use some salt though…

So first of all… Salt? In your water? Yuck. But secondly, cucumber water is the “new thing?” I mean I’ve seen it in a spa but I didn’t realize people were just drinking it for lunch. Once the girls left I decided to grab a cup and taste it for myself…

Cucumber and water. As advertised.

But I had to Google it to find just how “out of the know” I was. My search returned about a dozen cucumber water recipes. OK… Is that really necessary? I feel like all the necessary ingredients are probably in the name of the drink. Here’s the first recipe I found:

Spa Cucumber Water Recipe

In order for the cucumber to fully release its juice, you need to prepare it the day before your event.


  • 1 cucumber, sliced and unpeeled + 6-7 cucumber slices for decoration
  • 1 1/2 to 2 liters of water
  • Ice cubes

In a pitcher, mix the water and cucumbers. Then, squeeze the cucumber pieces to release all the juice. Before serving remove the cucumber slices used to flavor the water. Then stir with a wooden spoon, add some ice cubes and 6 or 7 fresh cucumber slices. Enjoy this refreshing drink!

Yeah. Like I said: cucumber, water, purple. And why would you list ice as an ingredient in water? C’mon son. You just put it there so your recipe wouldn’t just be cucumbers and water. But surprise — we can see right thru your plan. Some variations called for a little mint and a squeeze of lemon but from what I can tell, it’s just another case of people pretending to love something because they perceive it to be cool or sophisticated. Which we do all the time in this country. We treat every new superfood or drink craze like a hipster whose favorite underground band just went mainstream. Remember how crazy people went over pomegranates and acai berries a few years ago? “You just now finding out about pomegranates, son? Man I been down with pomegranates since their first album.”

Perhaps I’ve gone a little off course with this one, and hey if I’m wrong and you are really passionate about cucumber water, please e-mail me. I will post your note here on the blog in a non-mocking way and I won’t make any snarky comments about it either. Scout’s honor. #HaHa #YeahRight

OK, gotta hop a plane now. See y’all soon!

Oh Yes, It’s Ladies Nite, Pt. II

I was invited by the Washington Nationals to perform at Ladies’ Night again. Always a super fun event. It was held in a different location that it had been in the past — a tent just outside the first base gate. Lots of cool vendors and beverages. I met a few ladies from an organization called Even the Score — a company that offers “specialized trainings, corporate events, social gatherings, and matchmaking events – an impressive array of interesting and exciting opportunities designed to deepen [women’s] understanding and enjoyment of sports.” Super cool. Please check them out. I’m thinking about joining.

I got 4 tickets to sit in the Diamond Club — which was all-inclusive yummy restaurant buffet, wine, beer and stadium food. Woo-hoo! I brought along my BFF’s Kellz and DWJ, and my sports and home repairs boyfriend (and DWJ’s real hubby) Kenny — three of my absolutest favoritest people. It was pouring on the Diamond deck and the game was on rain delay so when it finally started a lot of folks weren’t paying attention… And I saw a guy get clocked with a foul ball full speed just as BFF Kellz walked from where he was to find a restroom. I saw the ball coming and I wanted to tackle her and throw her to the ground. It was like it happened in slow motion…


Thank little 8 lb., 6 oz. newborn infant Jesus that ball missed her. They had the medics and the management over to the guy that got hit in record time. Doing tests. Giving him big bags of ice to put on his head. And the guy who finally grabbed the ball didn’t even give it back to the guy who got hit. I thought that was the “foul-er” than the ball. Anyways, another fun night thanks to the folks over at Nationals Park — AND the Nats won! Can’t beat that.

Thanks so much, guys!!!