Cucumber, water, purple

So I was sitting on a sofa in the lobby of my hotel yesterday afternoon, and on the table behind me (my back was to it), there were two pitchers of water — one filled with lemons, and one filled with what I just assumed were limes. A couple minutes after I sat down, two teenaged girls walked in and I overheard the following conversation:

GIRL #1: Now what is this one? Lime water?

GIRL #2: No, it’s cucumber water. So yummy. I drink it all the time. It’s the new thing. Try.

GIRL #1: Oh my God. You’re so right. I’m gonna try to make this at home. Could use some salt though…

So first of all… Salt? In your water? Yuck. But secondly, cucumber water is the “new thing?” I mean I’ve seen it in a spa but I didn’t realize people were just drinking it for lunch. Once the girls left I decided to grab a cup and taste it for myself…

Cucumber and water. As advertised.

But I had to Google it to find just how “out of the know” I was. My search returned about a dozen cucumber water recipes. OK… Is that really necessary? I feel like all the necessary ingredients are probably in the name of the drink. Here’s the first recipe I found:

Spa Cucumber Water Recipe

In order for the cucumber to fully release its juice, you need to prepare it the day before your event.


  • 1 cucumber, sliced and unpeeled + 6-7 cucumber slices for decoration
  • 1 1/2 to 2 liters of water
  • Ice cubes

In a pitcher, mix the water and cucumbers. Then, squeeze the cucumber pieces to release all the juice. Before serving remove the cucumber slices used to flavor the water. Then stir with a wooden spoon, add some ice cubes and 6 or 7 fresh cucumber slices. Enjoy this refreshing drink!

Yeah. Like I said: cucumber, water, purple. And why would you list ice as an ingredient in water? C’mon son. You just put it there so your recipe wouldn’t just be cucumbers and water. But surprise — we can see right thru your plan. Some variations called for a little mint and a squeeze of lemon but from what I can tell, it’s just another case of people pretending to love something because they perceive it to be cool or sophisticated. Which we do all the time in this country. We treat every new superfood or drink craze like a hipster whose favorite underground band just went mainstream. Remember how crazy people went over pomegranates and acai berries a few years ago? “You just now finding out about pomegranates, son? Man I been down with pomegranates since their first album.”

Perhaps I’ve gone a little off course with this one, and hey if I’m wrong and you are really passionate about cucumber water, please e-mail me. I will post your note here on the blog in a non-mocking way and I won’t make any snarky comments about it either. Scout’s honor. #HaHa #YeahRight

OK, gotta hop a plane now. See y’all soon!