LL Cool J

OK so this is random.

Two posts about LL Cool J this month. Who’dve thunk? But this couldnt be ignored. The Ladies Love was being interviewed on the Steve Harvey Morning Show this morning. They were discussing — among other things –Â the keys to his longevity and his abdominal muscles. I don’t know one man in my personal life who is comfortable talking about another man’s attractiveness or body, but it seems like whenever I see or hear a man interview LL Cool J, he inevitably ends up complimenting him on his body. I think LL has mind control like Deebo.

Moving on… I said in my previous LL post this month that I have not in the past enjoyedÂ LL interviews. So when I turned on my radio this morning I was excited to put my theory to the test… and I was pleasantly surprised. LL was giving a sort of testimony and pep talk to anyone out in radioland who ever had a dream. He said something like, “There’s no age limit to success. Colonel Sanders started KFC at age 65 and Russell [Simmons], Rick [Rubin] and I kicked off Def Jam when I was 15… If you dream of something do it.”

Go LL! … Maybe I was wrong about you.

But he then added that he also attributes a lot of his success to the fact that heÂ tithes in church. Now, I know that should have really put me over the top — made me wanna renege on all my anti-LL-interview rhetoric. And it did — for about 30 seconds. Because about 30 seconds after LL talked about faith in God and being rewarded for that faithfulness, they played his new single, “Baby.”

Exhale.

I don’t know how many of you have heard this song (I’m sure I would neverÂ have heard it on the station I listen to if LL weren’t a guest) so I decided to post some of the lyrics below. I pulled them from the Web so I’m sure they’re not 100% accurate, but I heard it for myself this morning. The ‘important’ stuff is there… Check ’em out and meet me on the other side:

I Met this little girl, she was off the hook
I got cold chills when her body shook
Hot sex on the platter no need to cook
I let her steal my heart like a horny crook
Had her grinding and winding against my leg
She messin with my head, wanna play in the bed
Sexy pumps on, toenails red
Your bodys a gun baby, pump me full of lead
It hard to hold you when you movin’ vulgar
Peace sign on your eyes like John Travolta
My pulp ain’t fiction, it’s an addiction
To see your booty clap on the floor in the kitchen
Nasty girl, taught me all the lingo
While mama play bingo, she ride mandingo
She dont give a damn if im married or single
She makes me tingle

She likes Hip-Hop and R&B
Her life time goal is to be on TV
She looking for a man that could give her a break
Like Usher or Justin Timberlake
Im really not sure if her breasts are fake
Cuz wit whipped cream on em, they taste just like cake
We drink some beer, inside of daddy’s ’64
She shot me in the back with cupids arrow
We finish the 6-pac, she push the seat back
Pulled up her dress n she let me peep that
Im Drunk as a skunk, feeling all dirty
Truck stop bathroom at 7:30
Bought her some dessert, give a damn if its early
Head spinnin around like roller derby
Everything about her says you dont deserve me
I hope im worthy

In the back of the pickup, clothes are rip up
She see my chrome wheels, it gets more real
Running and laughing, music blasting
Side over the road, bent over crashing
Mouth all dry, can feel the urge
If you see my mama, dont say a word
The cops wanna know im a word are slurred
Dont ask me officer ask her
Wanna another drink baby she like sure
Wanna hit the club she like I dont curr
She all in the rearview doin her hurr
Hairspray and lip gloss everywhurr
This all happens on an average day
Your life is a trip girl, im here to stay
Never had a girl make me feel this way
Even tho I had to pay

I’m not sure God wants 10 percent of the proceeds fromÂ that. I’m just saying.

Never had a girl make me feel this way / Even tho I had to pay

Really??? Had to pay???

Hey LL, Jesus just called.Â He said you can keep your dime.

I think I’m gonna need backup…

So after my club experience a few weeks ago, I’ve been thinking a lot about the hip-hop I grew up on… in the good ol’ days ;) LL Cool J’s Bigger and Deffer is one of the first rap ‘cassette tapes’ I ever bought. This album came out in 1987, so I was just a baby — in 4th or 5th grade. I remember that I used to play it really low so my parents wouldn’t hear all the cuss words. I still know every word to, I think, every song on that album… Now that I look back I sooooo shouldn’t have been listening to this album at that age, but whatevs ;) I learned a lot by listening to that record. Here are some of my favorite tracks from B.A.D. Pls. pardon me if I get any of these lyrics wrong. I’m doing this off the dome w/o the help of Google.

The Bristol Hotel — I knew a fat girl / She wore an orange skirt / You give her 20 dollars and you could do work / She takes food stamps and travelers checks because her hair and her face and her life’s a wreck… (I think this is how I learned about prostitution).

I Need Love — When I’m alone in my room / Sometimes I stare at the wall / And in the back of my mind / I hear my conscience call / Telling me I need a girl / Who’s as sweet as a dove / For the first time in my life / I see I need love (The king of all sappy hip-hop love songs; this is when I first fell in love with one, Mr. James Todd Smith)

Kanday — I met this new girl / With big juicy lips / And nice round hips / I mean her body’s a trip… (This is how I learned what it takes to keep a man … and that I wasn’t willing to put in that much work ;)

But my favorite song (and I’m sure it was yours too ;) off this album was “I’m Bad.” You can say that the lyrics to the above tracks were cheesy or raunchy, but the lyrics to I’m Bad were just H.A.R.D… In 1987, son???? Hard.

I was listening to this track on repeat for like half an hour this morning and wow… Dude’s brag is sooo huge, but you kinda have to love a guy who loves himself that much. I used to write hip-hop album reviews for allhiphop.com. Dig around the site archives and you’ll find a few with my name on ’em… I wish I could have reviewed Bigger and Deffer when it first came out. These would have been some of the lines I pulled from “I’m Bad”:

Got concrete rhymes / Been rapping for ten years / And even when I’m bragging I’m being sincere

Not bitter or mad just provin’ I’m bad / You want a hit give me a hour plus a pen and a pad

My vocals exact / Like rack and pinion in a Jag

I eliminate punks / Cut ’em up in chunks / You were souped you heard me / And your ego shrunk / I’m devastating / I’m so good it’s a shame / Cause I eat rappers like a cannibal / They call me insane

I was just remarking to a buddy that no matter how many smooth commercial R&B/Hip-Hop tracks LL puts on a CD, he always has at least one banger that reminds us of the good old days. Plus his beef tracks about Ice-T’s perm, Kool Moe Dee’s Star Trek shades, and Canibus … threw a wrench or in a couple cases put an actual end to other rappers’ careers.

However I would be remiss if I didn’t point out some of the less-than-stellar lyrics in this track, such as: Continue reading →

Keep the change

Anatomy of a Hip-Hop Classic: LL Cool J — “I’m Bad”