OK so this is random.

Two posts about LL Cool J this month. Who’dve thunk? But this couldnt be ignored. The Ladies Love was being interviewed on the Steve Harvey Morning Show this morning. They were discussing — among other things –ร‚ย the keys to his longevity and his abdominal muscles. I don’t know one man in my personal life who is comfortable talking about another man’s attractiveness or body, but it seems like whenever I see or hear a man interview LL Cool J, he inevitably ends up complimenting him on his body. I think LL has mind control like Deebo.

Moving on… I said in my previous LL post this month that I have not in the past enjoyedร‚ย LL interviews. So when I turned on my radio this morning I was excited to put my theory to the test… and I was pleasantly surprised. LL was giving a sort of testimony and pep talk to anyone out in radioland who ever had a dream. He said something like, “There’s no age limit to success. Colonel Sanders started KFC at age 65 and Russell [Simmons], Rick [Rubin] and I kicked off Def Jam when I was 15… If you dream of something do it.”

Go LL! … Maybe I was wrong about you.

But he then added that he also attributes a lot of his success to the fact that heร‚ย tithes in church. Now, I know that should have really put me over the top — made me wanna renege on all my anti-LL-interview rhetoric. And it did — for about 30 seconds. Because about 30 seconds after LL talked about faith in God and being rewarded for that faithfulness, they played his new single, “Baby.”

Exhale.

I don’t know how many of you have heard this song (I’m sure I would neverร‚ย have heard it on the station I listen to if LL weren’t a guest) so I decided to post some of the lyrics below. I pulled them from the Web so I’m sure they’re not 100% accurate, but I heard it for myself this morning. The ‘important’ stuff is there… Check ’em out and meet me on the other side:

I Met this little girl, she was off the hook
I got cold chills when her body shook
Hot sex on the platter no need to cook
I let her steal my heart like a horny crook
Had her grinding and winding against my leg
She messin with my head, wanna play in the bed
Sexy pumps on, toenails red
Your bodys a gun baby, pump me full of lead
It hard to hold you when you movin’ vulgar
Peace sign on your eyes like John Travolta
My pulp ain’t fiction, it’s an addiction
To see your booty clap on the floor in the kitchen
Nasty girl, taught me all the lingo
While mama play bingo, she ride mandingo
She dont give a damn if im married or single
She makes me tingle

She likes Hip-Hop and R&B
Her life time goal is to be on TV
She looking for a man that could give her a break
Like Usher or Justin Timberlake
Im really not sure if her breasts are fake
Cuz wit whipped cream on em, they taste just like cake
We drink some beer, inside of daddy’s ’64
She shot me in the back with cupids arrow
We finish the 6-pac, she push the seat back
Pulled up her dress n she let me peep that
Im Drunk as a skunk, feeling all dirty
Truck stop bathroom at 7:30
Bought her some dessert, give a damn if its early
Head spinnin around like roller derby
Everything about her says you dont deserve me
I hope im worthy

In the back of the pickup, clothes are rip up
She see my chrome wheels, it gets more real
Running and laughing, music blasting
Side over the road, bent over crashing
Mouth all dry, can feel the urge
If you see my mama, dont say a word
The cops wanna know im a word are slurred
Dont ask me officer ask her
Wanna another drink baby she like sure
Wanna hit the club she like I dont curr
She all in the rearview doin her hurr
Hairspray and lip gloss everywhurr
This all happens on an average day
Your life is a trip girl, im here to stay
Never had a girl make me feel this way
Even tho I had to pay

I’m not sure God wants 10 percent of the proceeds fromร‚ย that. I’m just saying.

Never had a girl make me feel this way / Even tho I had to pay

Really??? Had to pay???

Hey LL, Jesus just called.ร‚ย  He said you can keep your dime.

3 thoughts on “Keep the change

  1. Beckie

    Stop making me really understand the lyrics! I don’t wanna go into the Matrix! I’m for banning celebrities like LL from talking altogether. I’m not interested in his opinion on…hmmm…well, anything. I’m happy to look and lust. Talking just ruins the fantasy. Gosh, Erin; ur not helping!

    Stay funny girl! I’m a big blog fan!

  2. Erin

    Tee hee ;) So sorry Beckie, but it had to be done ;)

    Thanks for reading though! I promise not to post any more blogs about hotties ruining the fantasy … unless its reeeeeally, reeeeeeeeeeally funny ;)

  3. Angi

    LL has said some stupid things in his life (i.e. ALL the lyrics to pink cookies in a plastic bag being crushed by buildings) but that comment about tithing tops them all. Sadly enough, I think the best ironic/down-right hypocritical statement had to be Souljah Boy’s acceptance speech where he effusively thanked God….for helping him write “Supaman”. Priceless

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