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Love this. #Boobs #Sorry
I shouldn’t be laughing at this…
But I can’t stop howling. A crazy naked man in the San Francisco subway system attacking people while doing some really impressive gymnastics. The bicycle stretches and the roundoffs were especially good. Oh, and the BART worker holding the camera sounds so much like me (as pointed out by my friend Shannon who initially sent me the video) that I actually started to question whether or not I was in San Francisco for this… AND THE COMMENTS ARE JUST AS GOOD AS THE VIDEO:
why is prince so angry? glad he went back to his original hair, though.I believe the gymnastics officials would score this gentlemanDismount = 10
Junk = 2So that’s why Troy Polamalu hasn’t been at OTA’s?
You’re welcome.
I’m on a cab
My cousin in DC called to tell me she thought saw me on a cab on her way to work. “HUH? Do you mean in a cab…?”
Turns out this is what she meant. Me and my “Exhale” sistas are riding around and gettin’ it on top of taxis. How cool! So excited for our premiere! I totally feel like this right now… “I’m on a cab and it’s going fast and…”
Hollywood Teeth
I do a joke in my act about a disagreement I got into with my dentist when I went in for a crown and he basically told me my teeth look like Mountain Dew. I’ve always thought I had a pretty nice smile, but after being introduced to what “Hollywood teeth” look like, I started to think that dentist may have been right and started checking out professional teeth whitening. It seems like Zoom Whitening was pretty much the industry standard. It takes about an hour and though it looked uncomfortable, I thought to myself, “I can do anything for an hour.”
They start by putting in one of those mouth-stretcher-outer things to keep your mouth open. And then they start painting your teeth with the bleaching material. After that they put this UV light in your mouth for 3 rounds of 15 minutes…
And then VOILA!!! You have glow-in-the-dark teeth like Ross on “Friends.”
The Zoom website tells you that you may experience gum sensitivity, but they leave out the part about the random sharp, throbbing pain in your teeth that’s going to continue for the next 10-12 hours. The only reason I knew this was a possibility was because I mentioned to a friend in passing the day before I went that I was having the procedure and he told me it happened to him. The dentist made it seem like my friend was just being a baby about the whole thing — “mild discomfort” he called it.
MILD DISCOMFORT MY ASS!
It was some of the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. It started while I was still in the chair (my appt. was at 8am) and it lasted until after 11 pm. It had me banging on counters in convenience stores and screaming in my car. My teeth are much whiter, but I will never, NEVER, never ever ever do that again.
This is as good as it gets, Hollywood.
One good apple…
Before
I usually don’t smile in hair salons. Because I hate them.
Or maybe I should say: I hate the hair-salon “process.” I’ve been to stylists who arrive dumb late for appointments. A-yo, respect my time, man. I’ve been to stylists who nickel-and-dime. The deep-conditioner application cost 15 dollars, but if you want me to wash it out, it’s gonna be 30. I’ve been to stylists who stack clients. How we ALL got an 11:00 appointment?… And as such, I have been relaxing, styling and sometimes trimming (I may need to stop trimming) my own hair since I was 15. On the rare occasions when I do need to go to a salon, I arrive with my hair relaxed, conditioned and wrapped and just ask the stylist to trim and style it. They don’t like it but it really is in everyone’s best interest, as I do not possess patience or restraint necessary to sit in a salon all day long without blacking out on somebody. “Ain’t nobody got time fo’ that.”
I took new headshots today. I felt like I needed to get my hair done professionally, so I made an appointment with a stylist I recently met. I walked thru the door with a side-eye, but when I got in I saw that I was her only client. We breezed right thru the process. In and out in two hours (the roller set added a lil extra time, but I asked for that) and she did a fantastic job!
After
If it was always like this, maybe I would go more often.
But it isn’t. So I won’t.
“Exhale” SNEAK PEEK!!!
Check out this sneak peek of “Exhale,” the new talk show I’m co-hosting along with Issa Rae (The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl), Rene Syler (CBS’ The Early Show), Malinda Williams (Soul Food, The Wood) and Angela Burt-Murray (CocoaFab.com and former EIC of Essence Magazine) on Magic Johnson’s ASPiRE television network. We premiere on June 27th and I’m soooo excited to be part of this show! Love these ladies!!! If you’ve not yet heard about the show, please read about us in Variety here and on The Daily Beast here. And check here to find out if your cable provider carries ASPiRE.
I promise it’s gonna be awesome.
More fun facts
So I was at a Starbucks in Indianapolis where the staff decided to do these little profiles and give “fun facts” on all the baristas so customers could get to know them better. One was a graphic designer headed to the Savannah College of Art and Design. Another is a former sailboat racer. And then there was Katie.
Check out Katie’s fun fact…
Yup. Diabetes. Woo-hoo!!!
Who wrote this? Was it a joke by one of the baristas to see if we were paying attention? If so, that’s hilarious. But if Katie did this herself, well that’s just sad. But what’s even sadder is that Katie’s favorite drink is a “trenta Very Berry Hibiscus Refresher with lemonade instead of water.” Ummm, did Katie forget about her fun fact? She should probably go with the water. And maybe make it a tall. Whoever is making this drink for Katie must hate her.
I might hate her.
Gyms are stupid
I joined a Planet Fitness at the top of the year. Because if you’re gonna join a gym, you should join one with free pizza nites, bagel days, and unlimited Tootsie Rolls. And despite its best efforts to sabotage me, I’ve lost 30 pounds so far. Yet on most days I still have to trick myself into going to workout. I’ll put my gym clothes on early in the morning and tell myself, “You wouldn’t dare take those clothes off without going…”
But I would. I would dare.
And when I do go, I still manage to procrastinate all day long. It’s amazing how everything on my “to-do” list becomes urgent when the alternative is working out:
I’m just gonna finish watching the morning news first.
Well now it’s almost lunch time; I don’t want to go on an empty stomach.
I just ate lunch. I should probably let the meal settle.
Lemme just write this blog right quick…
As I type this, I am sitting on my bed in full workout gear. It’s 1:18 PM and I’ve had these clothes on since 9. So I’m going now. But I still hate it.
Gyms are stupid.