If you ain’t deaf, you’re on your own

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OK, so I live on a one way street (literally and metaphorically) thats just a block long. And at the end of my block there are two signs that say “Deaf Child.” I’m sure y’all have seen them before. The purpose of these signs of course is to warn drivers to proceed slowly down the street because there may be a child playing who does not hear the car approaching… blah, blah, blah.

Most of my neighbors are older folks but there are a few families with kids. So after living here for 2 years, the other day I got curious and asked one of my neighbors if they knew which family had the deaf child. And his response was, “Oh that deaf boy been grown and moved out. I asked the city to take that sign down years ago.”

That’s what he said.

What I heard was, “The rest of these little suckas that can hear are fair game.”

Now maybe I just interpreted it that way because I’m a comic and that’s what I do, but really, what’s wrong with having the sign there? Doesn’t it have the potential to make the kids — and less observant adults — who do live on our street just a little bit safer? I mean I’ve watched more than my share of Law and Order and I’ve never seen anyone get off using the ‘but this kid could hear defense. “Your Honor, you can’t tell me he didn’t hear me busting them caps around the corner…”

I dunno. I’m just rambling. Have a good weekend.

Chris Matthews Dyes

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I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed this.

Every nite around 6-ish I tune into MSNBC for David Gregory’s show, Hardball with Chris and Countdown with Keith. I can’t stand Dan Abrams’ show so I’m tuning out by 9. My mom has the same schedule as we are liberal news fiends.

Tonite though, I was on my cellphone with my friend Herbie when Hardball came on and I was shocked and awed by Chris Matthews’ new dye job. At first I was like something’s different about him… And when I finally realized what it was I couldn’t even concentrate on what Herbie was talking about. I asked him to hold on so I could call my mom on the house phone to see if she was witnessing what I was, and she was like “Oh really he changed it? I didn’t notice.”

Didn’t notice?

Her nonchalance prompted me to Google the following phrase “Chris Matthews dye hair.“ I saw that the Huffington Post crew had posted about it, and I felt vindicated.

This made me think of the time a girlfriend of mine in high school got her moustache airbrushed out of her graduation photos. She’s a cute girl, but she’s had a mustache as long as I’ve known her. And I remember when we got our pictures a bunch of us were standing around and I saw hers and was like “Wow, these are gorgeous! You look amazing! But there’s something different about you. I mean it looks like you, but it looks different too…” I clearly went on too long. It took another friend nudging me and gesturing to her upper lip for me to realize that I’d put my foot in my mouth. BUT, I do blame her too. She knew damn well her face looked empty. We all know she has a moustache. She could have just said something. She knew what I was thinking.

Anyway, back to Chris… The hair is not so bad I guess. I just think its funny that he would go there. Usually people who dye their hair do it gradually as they go grey to retain the color they had. But Chris went all the way white and then started dyeing. That’s bold. And unnecessary. I mean, don’t you like have to be grey to be considered a credible news anchor? Anderson Cooper, Wolf Blitzer, Lou Dobbs — (insert sardonic smirk).

Anyway, I’m rambling. Do your thing CM. Whatever floats it for you is alright with me. I just hope you didn’t think you could spring this on us without us noticing.

Do White people have cousins?

This was the question posed to me over dinner last nite by my friend Darrel. I almost choked. He went on to explain how Black folks are always talking about our cousins “this” and our cousins “that” and how we make people that aren’t even related to us into cousins… But he couldn’t remember any of his white friends or coworkers ever talking about their cousins.

And as bad as it may sound, I couldn’t either…
 
I know for a fact that White people have aunts and uncles and grandparents. One of my best friends is White and I’ve actually MET and had DINNER with her grandparents (see how dumb that sounds?) But I literally can’t remember a single conversation where we’ve discussed cousins. Maybe all the White folks I know just come from really small families.

Or maybe White people just don’t put their family’s business in the street like Black folks do. ‘Cause usually when I’m talking to one of my Black friends about their cousins, it’s in the context of a ridiculous story I end up having a hard time believing. “Girl, you won’t believe what my trifling-ass cousin did the other day…” Anyway, so I plead for you, White person who reads this blog, to tell me a story about one of your cousins — or better yet, e-mail me a photo of you with one of your cousins. Help disprove this myth. EJ@erinjackson.net