January 2007

In response to my previous post, friend and fellow comic Randolph T had this to say: “The Superbowl is not gonna end in a tie girl…someway…somehow…the game is gonna get cancelled…” Thanks Randy. You are so right. I’m so glad someone else sees it like I see it. 
 
One more thing before I go… I was walking down the street to get something to eat this morning when one of my neighbors walked up beside me and said, “You know how I know when it’s really cold outside? There’s no homeless people in the park.” Really? Do you like run down and check every morning? Cause there are easier ways… You could maybe watch the forecast or crack a window… but hey, who am I to judge. Do you, lady.

So fellow football fans… the matchup is set. Indy vs. Chicago in the Superbowl. Two Black coaches! Woo-hoo! Back in ’05 when Philly beat ATL for the NFC title, it was bittersweet for a lot of Black folks. Yes, there was a Black QB in the Superbowl but he had to take out another Black QB to get there. This year, two Black coaches in the big game can only mean one thing…
 
The Superbowl is gonna end in a tie.

I’m waaaay too cynical to believe that a Black coach is actually gonna win the Superbowl. So I say, look for some last minute rule changes and some creative officiating…  Sounds crazy now, I know. But when February 4th gets here, remember where you heard it first. In fact, I’m thinking about getting some “Superbowl XLI – Tie Game” t-shirts printed up. Copyright it before anyone else thinks of it… Get your order in now and beat the rush! Don’t you dare jack my idea.

If you haven’t seen Dreamgirls yet, go this weekend. I’m not a bandwagon fan. I saw it on Christmas Day with my parents and I LOVED it. I bought the soundtrack AND the bootleg DVD. I’m so happy Eddie Murphy won the Golden Globe. He was terrific in that movie, but every time he started singing, all I could think of was that part in “Raw” when his father’s drunk and he’s talking about how Eddie doesn’t respect him and he starts singing “R-E-S-Z-C-P-C/Find out what you mean to me/R-E-C-C-T-T-P/You know how to spell it.” Tee hee hee. I can’t be the only one. That man is so talented. From “Party All the Time” to Golden Globe winner. What an interesting career. I’d love to see him back on the stand-up stage again, but I know that’s wishful thinking. He was the man.

I feel like I need to dig out my VHS tape of Raw and watch it this weekend, although I know I’d have a difficult time watching it now, because I hate, hate HATE to see bare-chested men. Well, let me clarify. Bare chests at the beach or after a shower are fine. But it makes my skin crawl to see a man with a dress shirt unbuttoned past the second button or a jacket unzipped real low. Dude, handle that! Put on an undershirt or a wifey. I do not need to see your sternum.
 
Those who know me know it’s one of my biggest pet peeves. Waxed or not – it’s just inappropriate. I think it goes back to my childhood. I grew up in New Jersey, and I really believe I was traumatized by decades of nappy Italian chest hair and butterfly collars. I mean it was everywhere — on display for all to see. At the supermarket, at school… I grew up and decided to go cold turkey. 

Last nite I did a talk show / interview on XM radio. TMI on XM 169 with Alvin Jones. It’s the same show I was on a couple weeks ago with Vince Morris, but this time it was just me. I thought it was going to be super-weird because Alvin wanted me to do 11 minutes of my stand-up act in the studio. No audience, no laughter… I’m cool with radio personalities setting up your jokes in conversation. But straight stand-up sitting down at a table in a studio? Can I do that??? Well, turns out I can. I brought my friend and fellow comedian Herbie Gill with me and between Herbie, Alvin, the sound engineer and the ridiculous laugh track it went pretty well. After the 11-minute set, we came back and just talked about any and everything for the next 30 minutes or so. I’m gonna try and get some of the audio up on the site soon. It was big fun! Thanks to you Alvin for having me again and for all your support.

So a few of you have asked why I haven’t blogged in a while. Well, I gotta be honest. There’s not much to post about these days. The Eagles lost to the Saints on Saturday nite. I had a show and I was all bummed that I was gonna miss the game, but then I remembered that my show was at a sports bar. Hooray! Jesus does love me. I went early, planted myself at the bar in front of a big TV, ordered a Yeungling (yes a Yuengling) and got ready to cheer on my birds. I even made some new friends that nite – several of whom had teeth. Yee-haw!!!
 
The bar I was at was one of those places where it’s impossible to separate the show from the… “ambiance.” And as a performer, I usually hate that, cause I’m like why even commit to a comedy nite if you’re not gonna turn off the TV above the stage? But on Saturday I didn’t care. I knew the roars coming from the bar weren’t because I was killing. I knew they meant something good happened. And please believe every time they cheered, I asked for an update. Unprofessional? Maybe. Do I regret it? Not at all. Shouting “Hit that rookie!” as the D-line put a hurtin’ on Reggie Bush — I couldn’t help myself. 

It was a really good game ’til the very end. They gave it their all and really could have pulled it out. I have nothing bad to say about my team. I mean, every win over the last month and a half was just a treat. No one expected them to do nearly this well. I’m pleased and looking forward to next year… again. 

Now on to BIGGER things – if not bettee. This morning a saw a giant playing “My Cheri Amor” on a flute at the subway station. Yes a giant. And well maybe “playing the flute” was a little generous. I mean he played a few notes, and the rest he mostly hummed into the mouthpiece. Yeah it’s 30 degrees outside, bruh, and I’m standing here watching you, but you’re not fooling anyone. No tip for you. If you want to hear some real flute-tastic music, check out my girl Sky Chari. She’s an amazing flautist and music instructor based in Cali. If you appreciate true musicianship, you’ll love Sky’s stuff. We go way back to marching band in high school. My homie, Sky.
 
Well, I think that’s it for today. Laters.

Just finished a great weekend at the Comedy Factory in Baltimore with my boy Vince Morris. As always, we had a blast working together. After the first show Vince brought me along to an interview on XM’s Channel 169 – The Power from midnite ’til 2. That was big fun. Big thanks to Alvin Jones and GoGo Rudy for having me on (like they’re reading this :)

Yesterday I was in Foot Locker when a man in a motorized wheelchair rolled into the store (pun intended). He only had one leg and he asked the manager if there was any way he could sell him two right tennis shoes because he didn’t need a left one. The manager said he was pretty sure the guy’d need to pay for two pairs of shoes. But he told him to ‘sight tight’ while he checked on something in the back. He came back out with a box of Nike tennis shoes. TWO RIGHT FEET. He said that there’d been a mistake with the shipment and he was welcome to buy them. The guy in the wheelchair looked in the box and was like “Nah man, I can’t wear those. Those ain’t the new ones…”

WHAT?

“I cant wear those. Those ain’t the new ones?” I think if you go into a sporting goods store and make a request like that, and a manager comes back to you with a pair of two right tennis shoes IN YOUR SIZE, you should be required by law to buy them. I mean sure, you have the right to hold out for what you want, but I think it’s pretty clear God wants you to have those shoes, so stop being ungrateful. Plus… actually I’m not even going to type the ignorant statement that’s in my head right now. I want to, but I won’t… Use your imagination and come up with something on your own. Toodles.

I know some of you might be sick of hearing me talk about the Eagles… but so what. We’re the NFC East Champs!!! Who’d a thunk it? I’m so happy the NFC sucks :) Dallas crumbled two weeks in a row and lost to Detroit? Really? I’m so excited. Bring on those sorry Giants. We ready. 
 
Right now I’m listening to the Steve Harvey morning show and they’re interviewing Steven A. Smith from ESPN. I love him. I think he’s hilarious. He’s like Bob Costas for Black people – but not quite. Oh never mind, that was a bad comparison. I LOVE Bob Costas. He is on the short list of famous people I would really love to meet. He knows everything about everything. I mean some sports casters, you know they’re getting stats and random facts fed to them through their earpieces. But not Costas… He’s like Rain Man, but with sports. 
 
That was a much better simile… or metaphor… whatever.
 
OH DUH… Before I forget, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Hope you all brought in 2007 in a very fabulous way. Me and a few friends were a part of this show at the Grand Hyatt in D.C. It was a pretty swanky event sponsored by a local radio station and there was karaoke, a bandstand, comedy… free food, open bar from 8:30 – 2am… In other words it was dangerous :) I can’t believe I get paid to do this. This comedy stuff is good work if you can get it. For real. The Sugar Hill Gang even performed. How much cooler could this party have been? I mean at first I was like SHG? in 2007? But after hearing “Apache” “8th Wonder” and “Rapper’s Delight” at 12:30 on New Year’s… I must concede it was the BOMB!