Screaming orgasms and standing ovations

I’ve always looked forward to the day when I leave a huge theatre stage to a standing ‘o’.” But last weekend in Kansas City, a lady in the front row remixed that fantasy and handed me this “Screaming O” cock ring during my act. Yup. In real life. People ask me why I tape all of my sets… This is the answer:

I heart my job.

Land of Love

So I did a show in the Poconos two weekends back and when I drove on to the resort grounds I saw the sign above. I took a photo of it then because I thought it was cute. “Awww…” I thought. “The Land of Love.”

I had no idea what I was in for. I don’t always research the venues in which I’m going to perform. Sometimes I just find out what it pays, and plug the address into my GPS. This was one of those times. When I finally got up the drive, I parked my car and went into the main building to check in. I was caught off guard by this sign hanging above the front desk:

Wait… What the hell kind of place is this? Finally got to my room, and well… this was my room:


Round bed. Heart shaped jacuzzi. Mirrors EVERYWHERE… I’ve stayed in hundreds of hotel rooms in my life, but thinking about the stuff that’s gone on in this one made me not want to bathe, sleep, or sit on anything. But I needed to shower before the show. When I looked thru my toiletry bag I realized I didn’t bring soap. So I headed down to the gift shop to grab some.

It was a hotel gift shop unlike anything I’d ever seen:

Yeah… Look I’m no prude. Not by anyone’s standards but this caught me so off guard I was seriously ready to self-deport myself from The Land of Love. The show ended up being great. I was there with the super funny and handsome and fellow Jersey native, Rodney Laney and except for all the love in the air, the happy couples staring up at me, and the slow dancing that happened on the dance floor before the first act went on (slow dancing at a comedy show?), it was a really great show.

When I got back home I was telling a friend about my trip and she said that she’d actually been there with one of her exes… “It’s kinda cute in a cheesy 80’s way though, right?,” she asked. “Right?…”