I just got back from a week in Dallas. A fun time was had. Few things… why is it that every city nowadays has to have a cool hip-hop abbreviation or nickname. I did a show down there on Tuesday nite and everybody that went up before me was talking about Yeah, that’s how we do it in the D-F-Dub…” “D-F-Dub in the house.” I heard it so much I had to ask and found out they were talking about Dallas/Ft. Worth. Oh, right… Sure. I forgot how gangsta Ft. Worth is. Maybe these folks were from the South Side.

On the trip home today I had to throw out all my MAC lipsticks and glosses because they weren’t in clear plastic baggies. For real? I tell y’all what… I was not a terrorist when I got to the airport… but after I had to throw away almost $100 worth of makeup, I felt like blowing some ish up. For real. There was this lady behind me — another sista — who they asked to get rid of her perfume and she was not having it. The following is an account of what happened — as best I can remember:

Screener: Ma’am, you cannot take your perfume on the plane unless its in a clear plastic bag.

LadyWhoWasNotAboutToGiveUpHerPerfume: OK, then give me a plastic bag.Screener: We don’t provide plastic bags.

LWWNATGUHP: Well, then…why can’t I just take it on? Why does it HAVE to be in a bag?

Screener: Ma’am, it has to be in a bag so that we can see it.

LWWNATGUHP: You can see it now, right? What’s a plastic bag gone do? Do ziplock bags stop bombs? Do saran wrap stop bombs? I ain’t throwing out my perfume… Right? Am I right?

Now at this point, LWWNATGUHP is looking up at me to co-sign for her and as much as I feel her, I can’t do it. You can’t act but so crazy at the security checkpoint cuz they will tazer you and knock your ass out. But she had a valid point. If little baggies are the key to disarming explosives, screw all the diplomacy on the Korean “Pa-nin-sha-la” (gotta love Dubya). We should just fly over North Korea and drop some Hefty bags on their bombs. Boo! I suck. But you get the point… When I finally got on the plane, who was sitting in the very first seat in first class but NFL great Herschel Walker. He looked great. Still had the hi-top box haircut and all… Man, he really took me back. ’91 was the bomb.

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