Baby, let’s cruise

Away from here…

I trust you read that in Smokey Robinson falsetto. Yesterday, we cruised thru Glacier Bay National Park and saw the Margarie Glacier. This is her/it—I’m not sure which pronoun glaciers prefer. Look how blue that ice is! I’ve seen the Portage Glacier from Anchorage, but this was a completely different experience because we cruised so much closer than I’ve ever been to Portage. I took a gang of glacier selfies, trying to get this photo, when I could have just asked someone to do take it for me. But these other cruisers don’t know my good angles…



“Outside” be so pretty, sometimes.

Operation #LWOACS – Day #1

I still plan on getting my #GirlTrek on while I’m on this ship. I will work out at least 5 days a week. No excuses. I expect all 3 of y’all regular readers to hold me accountable. Saturday, I even invited 1,800 people to carb-shame me in the dining rooms if they catch me slipping on my eating plan. Even if they’re not gonna do it, it’s keeping me in line. Wish me luck on #OperationLoseWeightOnACruiseShip #ImGoingToAWeddingTheDayAfterIGetHome

Mom on board


I texted my mom to let her know I’d arrived and safely boarded the cruise ship I’ll be performing on for the next month. She sent me this text back, and I thought it was super sweet. She hasn’t always been super excited about my career as a comic, but her concerns lie mainly in her desire for me to have job security, a steady paycheck and the ability to fill my pantry with groceries from a supermarket—not shrimp-flavored ramen from Rite-Aid. But she’s on board now, pun absolutely intended, because she realized a few years ago that despite the struggle, this is the life I’ve chosen. Success ebbs and flows, but funny is my thing.

Be funny… OK?

No doubt.

Check out my digs for the next 4 weeks:

On Melania and the plagiarizing of my wardrobe

When I was in high school one of my teammates stole the outfit I wore to school—which included my mama’s earrings—out of my locker during practice. It was “Buddy-Buddy Day” so I’d worn the same exact outfit as my girl, Nicholle. Jeans and a brand new purple shirt. This girl who jacked me was AT LEAST 30 pounds lighter than me, yet the next day she wore the entire outfit to school. And I was looking at her like I imagine Auntie Michelle was looking at Melania last night:

Ummm… does she think I won’t recognize my own ish? It doesn’t even fit her!!!

That’s what you call a flawless analogy, folks. Word is bond.

I shared this story on Facebook and folks main question was, “Did you get your stuff back?” You’ll be happy to know that I did! Or, better… someone else got it back for me. This was Nicholle and my freshmen year, but because of our class schedules we had an upperclassman lunch period. We sat with some older girls who were nice enough to us; we were just babies to them and didn’t travel in the same circles. But on that day, when Cole and I saw old girl walk into the caf in “our” outfit from the day before, we were both like “WTF? She has on all [my] stuff!” Upon hearing us, one of the upperclassman at our table was like, WHO took your WHAT?” And before I knew it she was over there and back with my mom’s earrings, which I’m pretty sure I borrowed without permission. She was the kind of girl nobody messed with and I was just happy she was on my side. Even though I had no idea she was on my side. A few years ago, I found my upperclassman savior on Facebook and asked her if she remembered this incident. She barely remembered me, haha. But I’ll never forget that. It was the nicest, most gangsta things anyone’s ever done on my behalf.

Sidebar, this meme right here laid me out:

The rent IS pretty damn high…

So I got to Central Park about an hour before my Laughter in the Park show, and I looked over to my right and thought I recognized the guy sitting on the bench next to me. Wasn’t he that The Rent Is Too Damn High Party guy who ran for NY governor a few years ago?

I’m not really sure why I wasn’t sure that it was him—he’s got a pretty unique look—but when someone rollerbladed by and yelled his catch phrase, and he threw up his fist, I knew it was him. I walked over to introduce myself and invite him to our show, and he told me that he was on the show as well.

Ummm… as what?

He said he wasn’t gonna do stand-up, he was just going to talk to the crowd, which… OK. He had a puppet that looked just like him. And… and… He was a super nice man to talk to, despite his endorsement of Trump. Such a random day. Only in NYC.