On Melania and the plagiarizing of my wardrobe

When I was in high school one of my teammates stole the outfit I wore to school—which included my mama’s earrings—out of my locker during practice. It was “Buddy-Buddy Day” so I’d worn the same exact outfit as my girl, Nicholle. Jeans and a brand new purple shirt. This girl who jacked me was AT LEAST 30 pounds lighter than me, yet the next day she wore the entire outfit to school. And I was looking at her like I imagine Auntie Michelle was looking at Melania last night:

Ummm… does she think I won’t recognize my own ish? It doesn’t even fit her!!!

That’s what you call a flawless analogy, folks. Word is bond.

I shared this story on Facebook and folks main question was, “Did you get your stuff back?” You’ll be happy to know that I did! Or, better… someone else got it back for me. This was Nicholle and my freshmen year, but because of our class schedules we had an upperclassman lunch period. We sat with some older girls who were nice enough to us; we were just babies to them and didn’t travel in the same circles. But on that day, when Cole and I saw old girl walk into the caf in “our” outfit from the day before, we were both like “WTF? She has on all [my] stuff!” Upon hearing us, one of the upperclassman at our table was like, WHO took your WHAT?” And before I knew it she was over there and back with my mom’s earrings, which I’m pretty sure I borrowed without permission. She was the kind of girl nobody messed with and I was just happy she was on my side. Even though I had no idea she was on my side. A few years ago, I found my upperclassman savior on Facebook and asked her if she remembered this incident. She barely remembered me, haha. But I’ll never forget that. It was the nicest, most gangsta things anyone’s ever done on my behalf.

Sidebar, this meme right here laid me out: