I always thought “lazy eye” was a colloquialism we laymen used to describe some hard-to-pronounce medical term. But here I am, filling out medical history paperwork at my new optho opthalma eye doctor’s office, and they’re asking me if anyone in my family has one.

Why do those sound like fighting words?

“Yo mama got a lazy eye?”

What you say ’bout my mama?

Isn’t there a more scientific term for that condition — one that doesn’t conjure images of O-Dog or sound like the punchline of a “dozens” insult? And if there isn’t… Why isn’t there?

Furthermore, this label reeks of the “blame-the-victim” mentality so prevalent in today’s society. Labeling these eyes as “lazy” without first considering the external factors that may have contributed to their perceived sloth… I mean, give an eye a break. Maybe all they need is a little encouragement. I think Three 6 Mafia said it best — it’s hard out here for a(n) [eye].

You ain’t know?

Moving on, I’m getting new glasses for the first time in like 10 years. I began wearing them at age 2 and have been in contacts since 8th grade, but never really update my glasses because I only wear them in extreme emergencies. I’m soooo nearsighted (-12 in both eyes, plus a sizeable astigmatism, for those who know what that means) that my glasses, even with the thinnest lens material available, are way too thick for me to feel comfortable wearing them outside the house. But I picked these frames out today. What do ya think?

Mine are gonna be glare-free, scratch-free, and thrice as thick, but I’m pretty happy with my choice. My pupils are still a bit dilated so I’m gonna go home now and rest my eyes a bit a.k.a. take a nap. ‘Cause I don’t have amblyopia (thank you Google and Droid RAZR), but the rest of me is still a little bit lazy.

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