I mean if the movie Boomerang was real-life, I’m pretty sure my feet would have passed the Hammertime Test:
Don’t worry, I’m not gonna post a photo of them. I know how OPF (other people’s feet) gross some folks out — me included. But mine are cute. Not beautiful. Cute. They’re a little on the short side but they’re the right sizes in the right order and in the spring/summer, just TRY and catch me without a fresh pedi. Admittedly I slack off in the winter but since no one’s gonna see them and there’s no bedmate to complain about my heel spurs, I can afford to slack off a little.
I bring this whole topic up because it’s begun to get spring-ish in DC (which BTW means 75 degrees for like 3 days and then 99 degrees until October) and I broke out the sandals for the first time yesterday. I’m working at the DC Improv this weekend (Tickets still available here) and there was a woman in the front row last night who kept staring at my feet. She was so blatant that I had to stop talking and ask her, “Are you looking at my feet?” She said, “Yes.” She didn’t even look at me when she answered. She was still looking at my feet. And I felt a little awkward… I had gotten a French pedicure earlier in the day so my feet were fine, but audience members checking out my feet is something I’ve always been self-conscious about.
I remember fretting once because I didn’t have time to get a pedicure before a show and one of my guy friends was like, ” Oh please, E.Â You sound like such a diva.” But he didn’t understand that when I’m on stage, my feet are pretty much at eye level for the audience. And women especially will look another woman up and down and back up again before they give themselves permission to like her.Â I would hate to Google myself (yeah I do it and so do you) and see something like:
“Well she was aiight funny, but her feet was mad crusty, son!”
All my imaginary online hecklers/critics are from 1990’s New York.
But I digress.
I no longer feel embarrassed or diva-like for making it a point to have a fresh pedi when I’m performing. My boy Randy who was at the show last nite says that’s exactly why he polishes his shoes before he goes on stage. You gottaÂ eliminate as many petty reasons as you can for people not to enjoy the show. If you’re in the DC/MD/VA area and wanna catch a show and maybe check out my feet for yourself, come on down. The headliner, Ted Alexandro, is one of my favorite comedians working today. I even said so here and I’m super psyched to be working with him!
Hope to see you out!