I’m the type of person who doesn’t ask for help until it’s too late because I’m smart, I’m resourceful; I should be able to figure out whatever “it” is on my own. Charge it to pride, fear of embarrassment, not wanting to have my life and career choices thrown back in my face…
“See, that’s your problem. You try to do everything yourself. Don’t you know you’ve never done anything by yourself? You only have what you have because people are praying for you. You don’t have what you need because you don’t pray.”
My dad says some version of this every time we talk. Every single time.
It’s been years (a decade plus?) since I went to church or read my Bible with any regularity. And I’ve struggled over the years with guilt over the idea of turning to God when I’m in a bind, because I’ve not been faithful. I don’t wanna be the spiritual equivalent of the friend you only hear from when she needs to hold a little sumthin’.
But I really need to hold sumthin’.
So, I’ve been working over the last months on shedding that guilt and repairing my relationship with Him, and asking for help, and trusting that it will come, and trying my best not to ask “when?” and “how?” Because Matthew 6: 25-27:
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
But it’s a struggle. There are so many things that need fixing.
I’ve been going to a new church, and on the first Sunday I visited, the pastor’s sermon was entitled, “I Know God Can Do It. But Why Won’t He Do It For Me?” It was to be a three-part lesson and spoke to exactly where I am in life. It kept me coming back and it reminded me of the song below, that my friend Jason sent me a few years ago when I was really sick.
I believe it’s going to get better, that it’s already getting better. And I know, with Him, it’s never too late. In case there’s anyone else who needed to hear it, this is for us: