So it’s Easter Sunday — the most colorful Sunday of the Baptist Church calendar. This morning I sat in my seat and marveled as all the women and kids in their beautiful Easter outfits and hats came in and got settled. There was a lady a few rows in front of me wearing the most GORGEOUS hat I think I’ve ever seen. I’m sure the three people whose views it was obstructing felt a little differently about the hat than I did…

But I digress.

I was sitting next to what I like to call a Pew-varotti. It’s a werge (word merge) I coined myself:


noun \pyü-və-rä-tē\

1 :The person sitting next to you in the church pew who takes his/her vocals a little too seriously and sings The Lord’s Prayer and/or congregational hymn as if they’re headlining a show at Carnegie Hall — à la Luciano Pavarotti

Yeah. Pavarotti in an Easter crown. I really took the time to do that.

Moving past that… you guys know what I mean, right? We’ve all had the privilege of sitting next to these folks. They sing in full voice while moving their head and shoulders like they’re conducting a symphony… I always wonder — especially when they actually have great voices — why they don’t just join the choir. I like to imagine there was a big fight at choir rehearsal one night over who got to sing the solo at pastor’s anniversary celebration, and he/she was voted out and now has no place to showcase their skills except for in the pews during service. Sure it’s probably more likely that the person is in a different choir than the one that’s singing on that day, or they don’t have the free time in their schedule to join and attend choir rehearsals, but I prefer to assume drama, and then work backwards from there.

Like my new werge? Then use it, pass it on and make mama proud.

And Happy Easter to all you Easter celebrators!!!

Original illustration

One thought on “Easter Werge

  1. Isa

    This is hilarious (especially the illustration)!! Usually the Pew-varotti that I end up sitting next to is a HORRIBLE singer but has somehow convinced themself that they are a fabulous singer (thus the reason they are singing so loud with so much passion).

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