The worst date I never went on

Ok, so I know you regular readers are way familiar with my blogs about my Worst Date Ever. Ever (read pts. I and II). Well today, I come to tell you about the worst date I never went on. I’ve never written about something like this so soon after it happened — I usually wait for the heat to die down ;) But I couldn’t hold this one in… My hope is that if the other party in this situation comes across this, he’ll be too embarrassed to make a big deal about it…

Exhale.

Here’s the basic back story: About 2 months ago I was encouraged by a close friend to join an internet dating site. Admittedly disillusioned with dating in general and extremely wary of online dating specifically, I had some reservations. But in the end, I figured what could it hurt? I have a closet full of dresses and nowhere to wear them. Maybe it was time to meet some new folks… I was pretty passive about it — instead of checking out the matches I was sent, I just waited to see if anyone would contact me…

A few weeks ago, got a communication from a perfectly decent-seeming person. We exchanged e-mails thru the site for a while and then eventually thru Facebook. Seemed to be an intelligent guy with a good job, he was very handsome… Yesterday he sent me a message on Facebook asking if I’d like to meet. So I suggested that we meet for coffee or drinks somewhere… and here is the response I got:

You don’t have that kinda time? WTF? Are you dying?

Is this what passes for courtship in the dating world these days, or is this just an extreme case? Are there women out there signing “when we’re gonna bone” contracts before they even go out on a first date? I don’t know a thing about this guy and already we’re talking about sex? What if his breath stinks? What if he pisses in the street? What if I give you a number and then on that date I change my mind?…

At least pretend to play the game, dude. We hadn’t even discussed where and when to have coffee yet. My friend Dawan wondered how he came up with the number “8”. He asked me, “Who went out with this guy 8 times before they slept with him? You’d think he would have messed it up by then.” So, so true. Hahaha. ;)

I tried hard to give him the benefit of the doubt — sometimes people talk crazy to me because I’m a comic and they’re trying to be funny. I’ve told a joke that didn’t go over so I know how that feels… But this guy was completely for real:

Game over, right? I gave him the opportunity to say he was kidding. But he wasn’t. So he didn’t. He wrote me back saying that sex on the first date wasn’t what he meant — that I just assumed that and misunderstood him. I assured him that I heard him loud and clear.

If I change my mind???

And OK, maybe I’m just nitpicking now, but ‘stay sweet?’ What is this, my middle school yearbook? GTFOH. I know I should be happy for the material, but sometimes I wish these things happened to my friends and I could just borrow from their lives. I hope he didn’t think he WASN’T going into the act…

I canceled the account, but this clearly could have happened with any guy I met anywhere, so I can’t really blame the site. I’m just curious if the online thing really works for people??? Weigh in and let me know if it has for you… or share your horror stories! That’d be fun too ;)