EJ’s Least Favorite Things: Ep. 7 — The Bathroom Hustle

So yesterday I walked into a bathroom in the Charlotte airport and there was a bathroom attendant in there. I can’t tell you how much I hate bathroom attendants… Or maybe I can. I hate them. So much. I dread the canned greeting (Her’s was “Welcome to ladies clean bathroom, ladies”), the inevitable shakedown at the sink. When I walk into a bathroom and see an attendant my first reaction is to calculate how long I’ll have to hold it if I don’t go just then. And no offense, but if I was going to accept a paper towel from someone, it wouldn’t be a woman who’s been cleaning toilets for 8 hours… I’ve said all that to say I have a new least favorite thing. Check it out and let me know if you feel me.

Split Peeve Soup


What an awful title for a blog…

Moving on, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people buy coats, jackets or skirts with splits but don’t cut the string that holds the split together before they wear it out. I was standing next to this lady waiting for the Bolt Bus on Tuesday and I just wanted to rip open the bottom of her coat… I just don’t understand how you get to be an adult without realizing this little cross stitch is made to be broken.

My friend Shayla told me she had a wool winter coat for 3 years and didn’t know it had pockets because she never cut the string. She was finally schooled by a co-worker while she was complaining about her coat with the faux pockets. She said she thought it was her penance for buying a coat on über clearance at Burlington…


What do they think that one little “X” stitch is for? If it breaks on its own, do they take it to the cleaners to have it repaired? Aren’t they even curious about why the coat or skirt has a closed split in the first place? I swear I wonder if these folks gloves are still attached to the matching scarf — just dangling around their necks…

I think if I were a superhero, my skill would be to swoop in on people undetected and cut the binding thread on their clothing garments. Maybe it wouldn’t make the world a better place, but it’d sure cut down on the number of times per day I wanted to shout at strangers… Which would be super.


P.S. I will be headlining the DC Improv December 29-31. Come on down and ring in the New Year with me!!!

Ticket Info:
12/29 & 12/30: http://tinyurl.com/2et7aam

12/31 (NYE): http://tinyurl.com/27x59at