This was the question posed to me over dinner last nite by my friend Darrel. I almost choked. He went on to explain how Black folks are always talking about our cousins “this” and our cousins “that” and how we make people that aren’t even related to us into cousins… But he couldn’t remember any of his white friends or coworkers ever talking about their cousins.
And as bad as it may sound, I couldn’t either…
I know for a fact that White people have aunts and uncles and grandparents. One of my best friends is White and I’ve actually MET and had DINNER with her grandparents (see how dumb that sounds?) But I literally can’t remember a single conversation where we’ve discussed cousins. Maybe all the White folks I know just come from really small families.
Or maybe White people just don’t put their family’s business in the street like Black folks do. ‘Cause usually when I’m talking to one of my Black friends about their cousins, it’s in the context of a ridiculous story I end up having a hard time believing. “Girl, you won’t believe what my trifling-ass cousin did the other day…” Anyway, so I plead for you, White person who reads this blog, to tell me a story about one of your cousins — or better yet, e-mail me a photo of you with one of your cousins. Help disprove this myth. EJ@erinjackson.net
My triflin’ ass cousin is having her second child out of wedlock … I think the baby daddy might stick around this time, at least he’s smarter than a box full of hammers, unlike the other one. We used to be like brother and sister, both being only children, but we don’t have much in common anymore (IQ being one of them). That applies to my other lazy ass cousin who won’t move out of his parent’s house, or get a real job. I think it’s all the pot taking. He has trouble forming simple sentences, much less coherent thoughts.
I haven’t been photographed with one since sometime in the 90s.
I tend to stay out of the family gossip tree.
The other 2, who I like, are m.i.a., moved away to find their own life and I only get to talk to them once in a blue moon.
I think even though my dad is one of five, all of his brothers and sisters have had considerably less children.
Hope this helps.
Thanks for speaking up for your people Alan.
Alan is White, and has no problem putting his family’s business in the street.
I heart Alan ;)
I agree with Alan. His story is pretty much the same as mine. There are some cousins who got the hell outta town as soon as they could, who I haven’t seen since the last big funeral 15 years ago. Then there’s the 300lb cousin who has three kids from three different dads. Oh and then she fosters some other kids for a govt paycheck. Another cousin is in and out of jail for meth and a couple more are in prison. I can’t speak for all white ladies, but I have to say that my friends and I had moms who were always fighting/not speaking to their sisters so we didn’t ever hang around each other enough to have those “one summer me and my cousin…” stories that some kids do. Black people I’ve known always looked back fondly (or at least semifondly) on their cousin experiences that I was too ashamed to mention mine.
Oh another different thing I’ve noticed about black people vs. white people is that white people are much more uhm upfront about their family problems, and have no issue about putting family problems in the street, as you said.
Also, as your comment to the comment to Alan demonstrates, I’ve not known many black people to speak badly about their family members, whether they got along or not. I have rarely if ever heard any black person tear a relative down with the reckless abandon that a white person does, and I have spent a lot of time around black people (I grew up in a black neighborhood). (Seriously). (Don’t laugh).
So I think it is definitely a cultural difference. Of course, there are always exceptions, but I think overall, black people have warmer relationships with their families than do white people. Or at least they don’t broadcast it like Alan and I do.
omg,I wrote so much– I know I am commenting on an old post but I just stumbled on this blog looking for opinions on Chris Matthews hair, lol! I just thought I’d support Alan’s and your observations.
Oh I just reread your post… I havent heard black people talk as badly about their cousins (not in front of me anyway). And I stopped talking about my cousins in front of black people when I wasa little kid because my best friend’s mom would get really upset when I said that I hated my cousins. It was apparent that it wasn’t acceptable, at least in my black friend’s family to express feelings like that about one’s family. So I just quit complaining about my cousins in front of black people. Which meant I stopped talking about my cousins altogether because god knows I never said anything nice about them.
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I have seen white people with their cousins and have heard white people talk about their cousins as well. But it’s true that black people always talk about their cousins. I’m an only child and I only talk to one of my male cousins a lot, we are like brothers, so I just call him my brother. And my female cousin who is sexy as fuck!