Why my mom is awesome and also it’s my birthday

People often ask me where I get my sense of humor — if my parents are funny, what kind of household I grew up in… Below is the card and present my mom sent me for my birthday. And I’m gonna let you be the judge:

Notice her 'revisions'

Notice her 'revisions'

She did not bother to buy a “from us” card. Not Linda Carol. She made one. And that is awesome! I’m gonna excuse the fact that her ‘editing’ resulted in some bad grammar (where we am) because it is hilarious ;)

I already told y'all my middle name is Rashida, so no need to comment on that.

I already told y'all my middle name is Rashida, so no need to comment on that.

This part isn’t actually that funny. It’s kind of become a little tradition of ours. She sent me a check for 31 dollars because I am turning 31. Last year she sent me 30 roses… you get the picture. My mom’s hilarious. Even when she doesn’t mean to be.

Love you Mommy. Thanks for making me! Oh yeah, and Daddy too ;)

You are my son dun, my only dun son…


When I walked by this truck this afternoon, I began laughing so hard I couldn’t stop. And all my hip hop fans out there know why. I’m from New Jersey and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told people that and their response has been some variation of the phrase “Oh yeah, dun son” or “You from Jersey, son dun.” Madness. In case you are unfamiliar with this phrase/greeting, I’ve included a definition from one of our generation’s most unimpeachable resources, the Urban Dictionary:

1. dun son

Originally rooted from the word “dun”, meaning “son”, dun son is an extension of it’s root. Usually in reference to entering or exiting, never used during conversation. A Greeting.

“Yo whas da deal dun son?” or “Yo I’ma holla at you lata dun son”

HA! A little off subject but also hilarious to me, I heard Rick Ross on the Rickey Smiley Morning Show maybe last month or earlier this month and he called 50 Cent his “son.” They are/were beefing over something utterly ridiculous I’m sure, who can keep up?… Listen to the whole clip for completely ignorant hilarity or FF to the 1:30 mark to get right to it.

Alright, so I don’t have the time to go into a complete explanation of the manifold meanings of dun, son, dun son, etc., but if you feel as if you need more background information on any of these “words” or  just a general overview of Hip-Hop-bonics in general, please feel free to visit any of these free resources:

The Dunn Language Wikipedia Page (explains the origin of “Dun Language”)
Urban Dictionary
This classic track from the late, great Big L (FF to the 2:05 mark for “son” reference ;):

You’re welcome.

I may be an ass… but you have awful taste


So I was at Macy’s shopping with one of my girlfriends about a week ago and she was pushing me to try on a hideous dress I knew I was gonna hate. I told her I didn’t want to waste my time, but she kept saying, “Oh E, it’s gonna look better on. I’m telling you that hanger just isn’t doing anything for it…”

Needless to say she punked me into it. I had her wait out by the three-way mirror and I was just talking ish the whole time I was trying to get it zipped and buttoned up:“Ugh, this dress is so ugly… Why the hell did you make me try this on?… You would never wear any shit like this… Who would BUY this piece of crap?”

You name it, I probably said it. She wanted me to come out and show her and I kept on… “Alright, but there better not be anyone else out there. I don’t even want to be seen in a dressing room wearing this thing.” She assured me there was no one else out there, but as I was opening the door to my dressing room, the door directly across from me opens at the same time, and the woman is standing there right in front of me wearing the dress I’ve been bashing out loud for the past 5 minutes…



This stuff doesn’t happen to other people, does it? No, really… I couldn’t even look up. But I could tell she was staring dead at me. It was the most ashamed I’ve been of myself in years…

I don’t know if that lady bought the dress — I didn’t stick around to find out — but me and my big mouth have totally learned our lesson. I know this is gonna sound hella self-centered but sometimes it totally slips my mind that there are other people in the world… Well, I plan on taking this to the stage. So hopefully it will have been a worthwhile experience on more than one front.

Ugly Michael Kors dress lady, if you’re reading… I’m sorry for being an ass. But if we’re honest with ourselves I think all three of us will admit that dress was herblistenous… So, in a weird roundabout way, I kinda did you a favor… Yeah.

You’re welcome.

Valentine’s Day — In case you missed it…

A great big, huge-tastic thanks to all of you guys who bought tickets (and those who wanted to but couldn’t) to my Valentine’s Day shows at the DC Improv over the weekend. We had a blast and I think the shows were great from top to bottom. It’s been a while since I posted new material so here’s some of the stuff that’s been on my mind as of late. A lot of it just came to me that night… so don’t you dare judge me! Tee hee ;)

NACA, Please — a photo essay

Yay! So I just got home from the National Convention for the National Association for Campus Activities (NACA) in Nashville, TN. It was held at the convention center in the Opryland Hotel so that’s where we stayed. It’s HUGE and gorgeous… Easy to forget you’re actually inside.

One of the many walkways I got lost on...

One of the many walkways where I got lost this weekend...

The waterfalls -- inside the hotel

The waterfalls -- inside the hotel

The whole deal with the entertainment portion of the NACA convention is that campus activity boards and their advisors from colleges all across the country come and watch bands, poets, comics, motivational speakers showcase and then they choose which acts they want to come and perform at their schools. There are several regional conventions in addition to the National. I was selected to perform as an individual showcase and I’m part of the NBC Diversity package as well. College dates are how a lot of comics fill their calendars — and pay their bills. So I was super grateful to be invited. It’s pretty competitive.

The booth

The Sophie K. booth

The "K" team -- Meg, my agent Kate, and Bridget

The "K" team -- Meg, my agent Kate, and Bridget

This is the booth for my college agency, Sophie K. Entertainment. After our performances, we come back to the booth to meet the students and [hopefully] contract show dates.

No really, who said it? -- Me and the hilarious Michelle Buteau

I didn't say it...

This is me and Michelle Buteau. Hilarious comic, super cool lady. Check her out… Michelle is a NACA pro. I was trying to learn the game thru osmosis… Continue reading →

I hate doctor’s offices too, Jerry

OK so we all know how I heart Jerry Seinfeld…

I had an experience in a doctor’s office yesterday that reminded me of his ‘Doctors’ bit. So I thought I’d post this cute little video and a photo of me waiting ;) You’re welcome. Tee hee ;) I just don’t get why we have to put on the robe to wait. If I already gotta sit there for 35-40 minutes, why do I have to have my ass out?

Ahhhh, one of life’s seminal questions…

The waiting game...

The waiting game...

And here’s Jerry’s take on doctors. If you’ve never seen this bit, enjoy. And if you know it… sing along! ;)

Have a great day, y’all

Stuff I almost bought while I was buzzed


Blankets are such a pain in the arse! Why didn’t I think of this sooner?

But all jokes aside, I think I might actually want this. Maybe not because it’s functional. But because it’s hilarious. And kind of creepy at the same time. Snuggie, the blanket with sleeves, is quietly moving up on the EJ after-Christmas must-have list!

Kymaro Body Shaper


OK, so I own several pair of Spanx. And they’re great. But then the other nite after one of my shows in Indy I saw this infomercial for the Kymaro Body Shaper and my good ole friends Jack and Ginger were talking to me like, “Go ahead, EJ! You should totally buy that. No need to do a sit up or go for a jog, This will solve all your problems…” I know myself well enough not to drunk dial infomercial hotlines but I did save the number in my phone. I didn’t see it or even remember doing this until this afternoon. Then I didn’t remember what it was so I Googled Kymaro. And I got a bunch of horrible reviews of this product. Some very kind woman actually did a play-by-play on how the infomercial is a piece of crap. I love it. So glad I didn’t buy this. And just in case there was anyone out there who’s considered buying it — check out the chart below AND the online reviews. Her comments on the chart are soooo funny.

You’re welcome.


I did just buy the 30-Day Shred, so we’ll see how that works. Who knows, before long I may not have a need for Kymaro or Spanx… I won’t however be making any New Year’s weight loss resolutions.  I’m just gonna make sure all my tags are tucked in ;)

Tee hee ;) Come to a show for explanation on that last sentence :)