Compromise vs. Acceptance

I recently came across this quote by Chinua Achebe:

One of the truest tests of integrity is its blunt refusal to be compromised.

And it really spoke to me. I’ve been struggling a lot lately with the direction I want to take my act in — not because I’m uncomfortable with my material or persona, but because my father has a huge problem with it.

I said the word “bitch” on Comedy Central. I think it’s the second bit in the clip below:

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After the show aired my father reamed me for cussing on TV. I told him that you can say “bitch” on the networks. But he wasn’t trying to hear me.

I see comedy nite in and nite out — all kinds of comics with varying styles. And I know that by comedy club/booker standards, I am not a dirty act. I say “bitch” in my act. I occasionally say “shit”. And when I’m referring to this particular incident (which is only of late) I use the “mother” of all cuss words. But only because I’m repeating something I overheard someone else say. And I believe there’s a bigger point to it.

I grew up in a pretty religious household. Nothing fanatical. But my dad was superintendent of the Sunday School and a deacon at our church. So yeah I was at church every Sunday, but my folks weren’t strict and I was always a good girl. But I haven’t gone to church on even a semi-regular basis since I left home to come to DC for college. I honestly felt awful about it in the beginning — I remember the first Sunday I didn’t go to church I felt like there was this big gaping whole in my world. But that feeling began to fade the more and more I slept in. Of course I still believe in God. And with all the blessings I’ve received just these last 6 months in both my professional and personal life, I KNOW I need to be back in church. I joined one about a year ago and I even have a new bit about my trip to church this summer. But I’m out of the habit. And now after a late show on Saturday, its way hard for me to get up and go.

All that to say that while I believe in and thank my parents and extended family for the Christian principles upon which I was raised, I am my own person. And I don’t think it makes me a bad person if I say “bitch” on stage. But my dad is worried that all his friends and former colleagues who see me will be offended by what I say and it’ll reflect poorly upon him.

Exhale. Continue reading →

Good people

Every now and then something happens that reaffirms my belief that people are good.

I had a show last nite in Charlottesville, VA. I parked my car in a parking deck in DC yesterday afternoon, and when I came back to the car to leave for my show, the parking lot attendant told me that I had a flat tire.

Inconvenient? Yes. But I’ve changed dozens of flat tires, so it wasn’t a huge problem. I asked her if the car was in a spot where I had room to jack it up and she said yes. Cool. So the man who parks the cars walked me down into the garage and I popped my trunk and pulled out my spare… only to realize that it was flat. I then remembered how I had a flat last winter and never took my spare to be fixed. Typical me.

But what to do?

I didn’t panic or have a cussing fit because there really wasn’t anything I could do about the situation. It was too late to try and get it to a garage and have it fixed because they would be closing for the day. I can count on 1, maybe 2 fingers the number of shows I’ve had to cancel on really short notice. And I absolutely hate to do it. But sometimes things happen.

I called the guy who booked the show I was headed to and told him there was no way I was gonna be able to get my tire(s) fixed and make it to Charlottesville in time for the show. And just as I was about to go call a tow truck, the parking lot employee who walked me down into the garage offered to lend me his donut.

Who DOES that?

I’ll tell you who. No one. Continue reading →

T Minus 2 Weeks to Eagles training camp

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Camp begins two weeks from today.

As always I am hopeful, but I wouldn’t be a true Philly fan if I didn’t express at least a little skepticism. Planning to trip up on the 27th to catch a practice. Want to see Asante in that defense so I know how excited to get (or not to get) about the upcoming season. It’s crazy how you can have such strong feelings against a player when he’s on a rival team (Screw Asante Samuel!!!), but be so excited once he’s traded to your squad (Yo, you hear we picked up Asante Samuel???). At least we don’t have to worry about him intercepting Donovan or A.J. this season.

So excited! THIS year IS next year!!! Maybe ;)

I am not a steak

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A comedian friend recently told me that his favorite thing about being a comedian is that there is “no front office.” No single authority figure. No one person who holds your career in their hands.

But that can sometimes be a double-edged sword. I mean there’s something to be said for having superiors, filters — shit let’s be honest… someone to whom you can pass the buck. If I worked for Hoover and I sold you a vacuum cleaner that didn’t work, I feel for ya, but it ain’t my problem. Call corporate. If you order a steak and it’s not to your liking, you can send it back to the kitchen…

But comics are not vacuums.

Or steaks.

In an industry where, not only is the product you’re selling intangible and subjective, but *you* are actually the product, being a one-man/woman company isn’t always glamorous. If I sell you *me* and you decide after the transaction has taken place that you didn’t like me, what recourse do you or should you have? It’s not like I can offer to go backstage, come out and do the the show again… And it’s likely you wouldn’t ask me to even if I could.

I recently performed at an event where nearly two weeks later the event coordinator contacted me to tell me that the organization was totally dissatisfied with my performance. I’d been paid (AFTER the performance — mind you, sans complaints). Check cashed. To revisit my earlier metaphor, the entire steak had been eaten and paid for, but the diner still wanted to send it back. I was literally asked to cut the organization a check for the difference between what I was paid and what I felt I deserved. Yeah, really. I’m surprised my pride even allowed me to type that last sentence, but I did it to illustrate my point.

Most folks outside of the industry don’t have a clear understanding of all the things that impact the dynamics of a show… Format. Flow. Energy. Venue setup. It’s why people don’t understand why you can’t just tell them a joke on command at a 4th of July picnic and have it hit the same way it would in a club.

“Yeah we’re gonna put you up right after dinner has been served and have you do 15 minutes… Then we’re going to have our director come up and talk about how contributing to cancer research can greatly improve the quality and reduce loss of life… and then we just need you to do a tight 5 to close the show out.” Word? This incident is actually not the one this blog is about… but this happened as well. Strangely I did really well at the cancer fundraiser, but it was in spite of the format.

Anyway, when the show organizer called me up it was literally my worst comedy experience ever. Of course as a comic I know that there will never be a time when everyone enjoys your show equally. But just the suggestion that I send them back money based on what I felt I deserved made me boil because I had charged them a lot less than I normally would have based on the nature of the event. My pride puffed up and I told him he could have the entire check back. I was pissed, not just at the request, but at the manner and tone in which it was presented and the fact that the issue was not brought up until so far after the event. I handled the call with all the professionalism I could muster, but it was the angriest I’d been in years. I WISH I’d had someone else to field the call… Continue reading →

A Phenom With Flaws

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Below is an excerpt from Michael Gerson’s column in today’s Washington Post. Definitely worth reading the entire column. It gives a pretty objective look at his candidacy — its flaws and its high points — but also highlights the undeniable fact that Obama’s campaign has changed this country. I really enjoyed it. Hopefully you will too.

75,000 and one.

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Is Barack Obama a weak presidential candidate or a strong one? The answer is: yes.

…As a result of all these factors, Obama and McCain are running fairly even in respected polls such as Gallup, alternately trading the lead by a few points — at a time of massive anti-Republican discontent during which Obama should be cleaning McCain’s clock.

Yet I cannot get two figures out of my mind — 75,000 and one. There were 75,000 attendees at Obama’s Portland, Ore., rally on Sunday — a monumental political achievement, found at the confluence of organization and enthusiasm. Obama does not merely talk of a new kind of politics; his charisma, story and tone symbolize a shift in political eras. Obama voters believe they are changing politics forever — a claim that Al Gore or John Kerry could never credibly make. At its best, this desire to break the dominance of politics-as-usual motivated support for John Kennedy and the New Frontier. At its worst, it motivated support for professional wrestler Jesse Ventura to be governor of Minnesota — he won nearly half of young voters in a three-way election. In either case, it is hard to bet against excitement and idealism.

The “one” is Mark McKinnon — a media adviser to McCain, a friend and former colleague of mine, a Texas Democrat who strongly supported George W. Bush, and a man of great decency and integrity. Early last year, he gave me a copy of Obama’s book “The Audacity of Hope” and said he had informed the McCain team that he could not help lead a general election campaign against Obama. This week, McKinnon kept his word by resigning (though remaining a strong “friend and fan” of the McCain campaign).

It is a reminder of something that Republicans — even in the busy strife of a campaign — should not forget or underestimate. Obama is a serious, thoughtful, decent adult who will attract the sympathy of other serious, thoughtful, decent adults. He has evident flaws, but the inspiration he evokes is genuine. His policy views are conventionally liberal, but his story is not a scam. And, in some ways, his election would finally make sense of an American story that includes Antietam and Selma.

The enthusiasm of many Republicans and conservatives to defeat Hillary Clinton would have come unbidden. Against Obama, it will come harder.