PHI 7, BAL 36

For this edition of the Happy Eagles/Sad Eagles Chronicles I thought I’d just post the text message convo I just had with my cousin Derrick. He’s a huge Redskins fan and so we talk — or should I say *text* — smack back and forth to each other on Sundays. He grew up and lives right outside of Philly in So. Jersey, which makes it doubly weird that he wasn’t drafted into Eagles Nation, but whatevs…

I’m sitting in Chicago O’Hare on a layover and was in transit for most of the PHI/BAL game but I got a text from D as I was sipping on my mocha frappuccino and as soon as I saw his name, I knew it was gonna be bad. Below is the correspondence… Continue reading →

No really… stop this


First the My President is Black All Black Affair, and now this? I realize that I’m just giving added publicity to this offer, but I had to ask:

How does this honor President-Elect Obama? What’s the logic here?

“Our president is Black… And Black don’t crack… If your face is cracking come on down for some face injections …”

Come on y’all. We can’t keep attaching this man’s name to any and everything. Let’s not cheapen this moment.

PHI 31, NYG 36

What’s the opposite of a fan club?

Because whatever it is, I’m gonna start one for Andy Reid. To say he was severely outcoached by Coughlin would be the understatement of the year. Despite the bad challenges and the overwhelming deficit in time of possession and yardage, the game was still within reach with less than 2 minutes to go. Then he called those two dumb-ass running plays in the 4th quarter. I’m so glad I don’t have an alcohol problem. Because if I did, tonite would have been bad. BAD.

Thing with the Eagles is this, it ain’t always pretty. In fact, most of the times it’s not pretty. But our ability to keep it close and come up with clutch plays is what has always kept us afloat. I’m watching the post-game press conference and he’s being very gracious, but I gotta believe Donovan knew those last two play calls were bad ones. I think his 1 rush may have netted more yards than Westbrook did all nite. I understand the concept of trying to present a well balanced offense, but in those situations, you gotta dance with the chick you came with. Who would have blamed McNabb if he just acted like he didn’t hear them and carried the ball himself?… Of course I know you can’t do that in pro sports, but you know every now and then every NFL QB thinks about pulling a ‘Willie Beamon’.


There were a couple really good plays tonite. #10 looked sharp. And that Kevin Curtis (at least I think it was Curtis ;) clutch TD catch — Go White Lightnin’!!! And I can’t forget about the nice rushing pickup by #5. But tell me this, am I the only one who thinks that sometimes even Donovan forgets he can still run? I miss that part of his game. That Greg Lewis fair catch contact call was a rookie mistake. But the onus for this loss belongs to Andy Reid.

Which is why I’m applying for his job tomorrow.

Record: 5-4

No more strippers. Ever. Ever.


So I recently was charged with planning a bachelorette party for one of my girlfriends. None of the bridesmaids involved in the planning lived in the city where the party had to take place and none of us lived near each other, so it was a bit of a challenge to coordinate the logistics.

We figured it’d be simple: Find a dance club or a strip club (although I used to be a stripper myself, I’m not a fan of male dancers ;), pile a bunch of ladies in a car and call it a nite… But after we called around a bit we found that there were no male strip clubs — or is it female strip clubs (not sure what you would call a club where men dance — is it a male strip club because the dancers are male, or a female strip club because it’s primarily for women… who knows?…) Anyway, there were tons of places to see dancing girls, but none for boys.

Now we gotta find a freelance wardrobe-removal consultant (I believe that’s the proper PC term for this career) So naturally we turned to Myspace… The rate wasn’t outrageous — $200 for a private show — so I said sure let’s go for it, and we locked it in.

We rented a suite for the nite, bought a bunch of liquor, and had the bride convinced that we weren’t gonna do anything wild — just drink, listen to music and hang out on her next to last nite of single-ness ;) Dude was scheduled to arrive around 10:30 but he didn’t show up until well after 11. Then when he came to the door, he was still in his street clothes — no cop or electrician or room service uniform. Just a dude in jeans with a suitcase. Totally ruined the surprise “Where do I change?” he asked.

“Really?” I shouted back. Continue reading →

An understandable mistake


This morning I gargled with Mr. Clean w/ Febreze. And no this wasn’t some “Take me with you, M.C.” statement as a result of his passing. The color and the bottle kinda resembled my Family Size Arctic Mint Listerine. They were both on my bathroom counter, I was half-sleep,ย and I hadn’t put my contacts in yet.


A nation of punks

OK, so a bad Eagles loss has the potential to put me in a sour mood for an entire week. Yesterday’s loss may have an even longer effect. So let the angry blogs commence:

I am a fan of public transportation. I ride DC Metrobuses and subways whenever I can. I love how you can actually relax and get things done while you’re riding. Sure there’s congestion in train stations around the escalators and on the platforms during certain parts of the day, but in general it’s a much less stressful way to travel.

But what I cannot stand are the people who stroll through subway stations during rush hour with those rolling bookbags dragging behind them. They cause other people to trip on them. They bang them up against your shins. And then they look at you like you’re crazy — AAAAGGGHHH!!!

How lazy are we? I mean collectively as a country — how much lazier can we get?

It’s a JANSPORT bookbag for goodness sake. I carried my own ON MY BACK when I was in like first grade. I don’t even think you can get enough stuff in a Jansport to make it too heavy to carry. Unless you are a bricklayer who brings his own materials to work in his bookbag, there really is no excuse for this lazy ass behavior. If you are bringing so much work home that you can’t bear to lift it, get a new job. Or at least drive yourself there.

And just when I thought we’d reached the saturation point of laziness, I was walking down the street the other day and I saw a guy rolling a gym bag into Bally’s. Let me type that again. I saw a guy rolling a gym bag into Bally’s. Hey dude, looking to get in shape? How bout you start by actually carrying your tennis shoes into the gym. Yeah, three sets of ten reps of carrying your own effing tennis shoes. Eff me. I mean clearly, I am not in good shape either, but my pride would not allow me to wheelbarrow my workout clothes into a gym. I’m just saying.


And don’t even get me started on the kids with the Dora the Explorer and Hello Kitty bags. I want to weep every time I see these poor kids rolling their Trapper Keepers to school (do they even make those anymore?). Their lazy ass parents should be arrested.

But heavy bookbags cause back problems for kids, Erin…

Give me a break. The ugly truth is we are a nation of punks and now we’re turning our kids into punks. I mean really, if they were bringing home that much homework our nation’s test scores would be higher. But again, I’m just saying.

I’m done now because I don’t want to lose you guys as readers. I really hope we beat San Fran next week or this blog could get ugly(er).

Pray for me,