OK so maybe I’m a LITTLE obsessed with the Snuggie…

OK, so I was in my favorite store (CVS) tonite — as I am most nights — and as I was looking for some mailing labels, I came across Snuggies for sale on the value aisle…

I'm not a tattle-tale, but...

I'm not a tattle-tale, but...

Now, I was under the impression that Snuggies weren’t available in retail stores — that they could only be ordered through their official website. But apparently I was wrong. That or CVS is bootlegging Snuggies, in which case I apologize profusely for this post — I’m not trying to get you caught out there C-to-the-V…

All my friends know how much I love CVS. I’m always letting them know about the deals I find — trying to convert the non-believers. Please see the text convo between me and my girl Sandi:

—— SMS Text ——
To: 617*******

Omg, they sell snuggies at cvs. I just bought one. 14.99 now I’m ready for the pub crawl… Hooray!!!

—— SMS Text ——
From: 617*******
Sent: Mar 16, 2009 6:15 PM

Haha. Cvs really does have EVERYTHING!

—— SMS Text ——
To: 617*******

I been trying to TELL you…

—— SMS Text ——
From: 617*******
Sent: Mar 16, 2009 6:17 PM

I’ll never doubt you again.

Anyway, as you know I already have a custom NFL fleece Snuggie, made for me by my girl DWJ…

My Eagles Snuggie!

My Eagles Snuggie!

But I couldn’t pass up the chance to pick up the authentic Snuggie. Because I really want to attend the Snuggie Pub Crawl in DC and I’m not sure if you can do it without an official Snuggie… I’m getting a little discouraged though because I’ve still yet to be notified when the DC Snuggie Pub Crawl is taking place. I joined the mailing list, but we’re almost out of Snuggie weather so I’m wondering if they’re gonna nix some of the cities.

And yes, I’m so serious. First, they’re donating proceeds from the event to charity (or at least they better be!!!) And second… do you know how HILARIOUS that would be?!? I would do a two-camera shoot and recruit a crew of correspondents and hit the streets. Talk about a video blog that writes itself. Drunken Snuggie Monks roaming the Cap City. Man oh man… I really hope I get the chance.

I couldn't resist... $14.99 <i>AND</i> the book light. CAMMAN!

I couldn't resist... $14.99 AND the book light. CAMMAN!

Anyway, that’s me in my new Snuggie. Don’t be a hater. You know who you are ;) Holler.

But really, do our breasts have to touch?

Alright, so all comics — all people for that matter — have their own neuroses. Anyone that knows me even casually is probably pretty aware that I am not a fan of unsolicited or unwarranted hugging, European cheek kissing, etc. In fact ‘not a fan of’ is really an understatement.

I absolutely hate it.

A lot of people assume it’s because I’m a “germaphobe” or something. But that’s not the case at all. I just think hugging is a really intimate a gesture. I used to do a bit about how I reserve hugs for people I’m dating and really special occasions — when I see people I haven’t seen in a really long time. Like if I saw my grandmother, I’d hug her because she passed away in 1993 and reincarnation is a legitimately hugworthy event. Blah, blah, blah. There was more to it and it was only moderately funny, but I loved the bit because I felt like I was being really honest about something that really bugs me that I think a lot of people could identify with, but apparently it just made me seem like an icy jerk.

People would come up to me after the show and say stuff like, “Well, I really enjoyed your show. But I’m NOT gonna hug you…” Real snarky-like. As if they were punishing me. And I’d always be thinking GREAT!!! Cause in case you missed it, NOT hugging me is exactly what I want for you to do.

(I mean, scientifically, has not hitting the bitch achieved the desired result?)

Please pardon my A.D.D. That last sentence just reminded me of this episode…

But back to the point. Why would you even think a hug is the appropriate gesture for this situation anyway?

“Hey, I really think you’re funny. Now let’s rub our boobs together.”


A couple of weeks ago I went out to help my friend Dawan celebrate his birthday, and he and a few other folks thought it would be cute to take a series of photos where people were trying to hug me or put me in semi-headlocks. And you know what? It WAS cute.

Please read the irony.


Right about here I was thinking, “If it wasn’t your birthday I’d probably try to fight you. And you with the camera, Walk home.”


I hated every second of it. My mom says I was like that even as a kid. I’m sure I should probably be in therapy somewhere… But until I can find a therapist who accepts CVS Extra Care Bucks for payment, I’m gonna need y’all to stop it.

John that means you ;)